Peter Andre gives me the creeps.

[GetOrf]

'i really really love my kids'

No shit sherlock, you are supposed to.

I can't be the only one who thinks he is a passive aggressive weirdo, surely.

No, don't spoil the vibe by having the pussy-man from Glee! We could have Jools Oliver instead talking about how hard it is to raise children when you are married to a multi-millionaire and how it is exactly like being a single parent.

But THEN Sue Sylvester from Glee appears and tells all the previous acts to get a fucking grip and we all cheer and dance and Charlotte Church who is One Of Us and gets up on stage and destroys, destroys I tell you, the wanky z-listers with her powerful voice and insouciance.

And the festival ground will be littered with shopping lists!

Natalie Cassidy & DVO will fight it out, Harry Hill refereeing.

I resent being told that Charlotte Church is One of Us. Is she bollocky.And is Joooools tells me she feels my pain as a LP, I will snap her.

Instead of toilets, there will be a tent where Gillian McKeith will ask you to poo in a lunchbox for her to inspect (and secretly nibble on when you're not looking).

CC bollocky really?

Nah, is she bollocky as in 'is she heck as like'. Geddit?

Babylann, do you really think the McKeith rodenty one eats turds?

CC thinks she is ard cos she swears, I nominate Lily Allen I lurve her and sophie ellis bexter is ok by me.

Mostly we want twats we can heckle though.

I feel sorry for Gwyneth, she doesn't get to experience the joy of phoning for takeaway, and then stuffing kebab/chips/mushroom pakora/salt and pepper squid/veg korma/seafood pizza down her.
Oooh, my mouth just watered.

Twats we can heckle = peaches geldof

YES!

"Yes there will be a greggs tent but there will be mirrors & you will be encouraged to strip before gorging yourself on flaky pastry."
Huh?
Are you Gwyneth?.

I need my puff pastry treats and the bits that fall into my folds, I snack on later :).

Will there be a posh cheesemonger?
That's a middle class question right?
I love cheese.

I'm not sure if she eats poo. But she seems awfully interested in it for someone who doesn't eat it. It's Friday so my logic makes sense.

Gwyneth will pace back & forward in front of greggs tent with a kosh, guarding it and claire, naked and all fours will slobber ...

Peaches Geldof!

Peaches will be caught mainlining FruitShoots

Gillian McKeith is a fucking weirdo, fact.

Peaches will be caught 'interviewing' self in Gregg's mirrors more like.

It could be Bootleg Mumsfest if you don't gt the official nod, Ursula

Oh no. Flashbacks... To that time I was casually flicking through the channels and stumbled upon that OMG with Peaches Geldof or whatever it's called.

Life will never be the same again :(

Oh we can't have lookalikes and that, we need the real deal. Sheena Easton on candy floss, Lulu tossing pancakes..

I can't stand Peaches Geldof, she's really not attractive, and Jooools? Why is she so ruddy faced, it's like she goes to sea each day with that skin. Perhaps she's doing anything so the tonguey one will leave her alone (Oh and I see his PR team didn't get him a knighthood this time)

As an aside, don't you think Andrew Marr looks like Martin Clunes with anorexia?

Eh? Who mentioned lookalikes? Am I missing a bit?

at jooooools going to sea.

like the bootleg beatles

Do you know Bluddy, i don't even think we've scratched the surface?