I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

Haha, no. Not asked him.

We had cottage pie for dinner.

Yes, we have 3 children, but 2 are from my previous marriage.

I don't work currently but I have worked. I am studying for a career change atm.

I understand that entirely - and haven't been insulting - but was just making the point that AMA is usually very open and sometimes abrasive. And I wasn't sure if it was the right way in which you would want to be questioned or to answer.

Is your dynamic primarily driven by sexual kink or lifestyle around eg fundamentalist Christianity or an issue you have each had coping with adulting? Or is it driven by a sense of fun or a love of the notion of the vintage housewife and her manly man?

And does he hurt you in any way or treat you disrespectfully if you ‘get it wrong’?

I have two questions.

1. Why have you chosen to make yourself an unequal partner in your relationship? Is there a reason why you can't make decisions together, with each of you having an equal voice?

1. Do you have children, and if you do, do you not worry about the impact that modelling such an unequal relationship might have on their future relationships?

And maybe you will question your partner being in charge all the time? Are you open to that?

Yes, I talk to my husband and my best friend. But not to anyone else. I feel like it is a taboo subject and people wouldn't understand. Yes, I have a few friends. Not any family nearby.

Do you feel or worry that this dynamic is actually harmful to your self esteem, even in an unconscious kind of way?

You said:

No, I don't feel inferior. But I feel a need to be looked after

Many believe that one shouldn’t make themselves and their happiness dependent on someone else, you have to love yourself as you are before you can love someone else. Do you disagree with that? Do you feel your happiness comes from another’s approval?

Why was this a decision between you both?
Why the label?

Instead of just a natural thing that happened because you were happy to not have any say in things.

I don’t understand the reason for deciding he would always make the decisions.
Surely there are some things that you sometimes want a say in.

Does your husband ever bully you or shout at you? Is he a kind person?

We would talk about it. But he would get the final say. I'm ok with that because I trust him to make the best decision in all our interests.

Do you have children?

@Peachesx2606 What do you say or how do you react when he says something that is just wrong?
Do you correct him?

I don't necessarily agree, my Mum doesn't like to make her own choices. To the point she will beg you to make the decision for her. Minor and major decisions - I think she has anxiety and circular thinking.

It's actually really stressful for everyone else because we have never explicitly agreed to do this and its hard enough making your own choices in life. It basically hands over all responsibility to someone else, like being a child when parents make decisions in your own interests because you're not able to make them for yourself.

She'd be terribly embarrassed to ever discuss it out loud. I'm sure she doesn't think of it that way in her head. I could never bring it up with her.

If a decision required him to choose between his or your best interests which would he choose?

How did you decide to adopt this lifestyle?

What are the benefits of being submissive for you?

Would you be happy if your DD was submissive to a future partner?

Are you "allowed" to voice your opinion, or is your opinion just his opinion?

Who suggested this type of relationship and for what reasons?

How submissive are you - do you need his permission to spend money? See friends or family? Change your appearance?

Do all decisions need his agreement?

Has there ever been a decision where you regret submitting to his choice i.e. schools for kids? Medical treatment? Place to live?

Thanks

If you really didn’t want to do whatever it was that he’d decided, if it would really be wrong for you or for your children, would you end the relationship?

Does he control the decisions around the children that aren’t his?

I mean like noone is happy 100 per cent of the time. Sometimes he pisses me off. Sometimes I drive him up the wall! Yes, occasionally I have doubts.

No

Why do you think he can make better decisions than you can?

Is this a choice you made or something he wants and you go along with?

Will He be happy if you choose to no longer be submissive?

Actually, I have another question.

Do you think it's fair to your husband to absolve yourself of any responsibility for normal adult decision-making?

So he’s brainwashed you

you’re timid and feel venerable and have no family nearby

somehow this man has convinced you his decisions are in both your best interests…..

if you were my friend or relative I’d be extremely concerned - big red flag

a marriage or partnership should be a game of 2 halves, not someone managing someone else’s life - I hope your children don’t grow up thinking this is normal!

Great question

How will you feel if your daughter replicates this dynamic with a man you don’t think is especially kind? Will you feel guilty that you’ve normalised women being submissive to their husbands in principle?