I am submissive to my husband AMA

[Peachesx2606]

Please AMA but please be kind.

I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine.

This is just something that seems to work for us x

To add to my previous post, have you discussed what would happen if you decided you didn’t want this arrangement anymore?

Do you think that because he controls the finances and pays all the bills you owe him this? Would you be happy for your sons to have this dominance over their wife? Or your daughter to put up with it?

I think it's a very strange thing to do. Do you not have opinions on things in your lives or do you just suppress what you would really like to do or think is best?

I suppose when things go wrong, you can just blame him though.

He controls all our finances currently. I don't work right now.

Do you fear that if your relationship with him ends you will be entirely up shit creek without a paddle.

39 and 45. Been together 10 years.

Do you not have any say in how you bring up your children?

I don't know but he made it clear on the day I was born.

Would you feel able to disobey him & what would you expect to happen if you did?

It’s him that wanted this isn’t It. And you’ve went along with it to be with him. And you don’t like it.

He controls all our finances currently.

Do you have access to the finances?

Fuck that. We only get one life, why spend it not making any of your own decisions?!

Surely any healthy relationship has give and take? If one of us thinks the other is better equipped to choose/handle something then that’s what we do.

Although generally I’m the decider/organiser for day to day things as he works more hours.

The only place I happily submit is in the bedroom, I like that old fashioned man-in-charge vibe then (although I guess only when I decide that’s what I want so is he really even in charge then? 🤣).

But in real life I’m the master of my own life thanks.

"trusting him to make them in all our best interests"

Please don't say you have children, how on earth do you think, you being submissive, prepares them for their lives?

eta; I've just seen you have 3 children, answering my question below would still be informative.

Did you consider the impact on them when you chose this path, for yourself?

Why aren’t you answering any questions of the effect on your children?

Hmm...good question. He has always been quite traditionally masculine and I am more feminine. It sort of developed naturally to an extent and I realised how safe he made me feel and I wanted him to take that role. He never pushed it outside of 'normal' until I told him I was ok with him taking the lead. It sort of developed from there.

What was your upbringing like? What are your current relationships with family members like?

Well this is terrible.

Please do not let this dictate the rest of your life.

Have you ever sought help with this?

It doesn't necessarily mean that. I'm submissive to my husband too but I don't discuss it in real life because I know people wouldn't understand or they'd think we were weird or it was abusive.
I don't want to explain my life choices to friends or family so I just don't discuss it with them. You only have to look at some of the replies on here to understand why it's not discussed IRL.

100% this. ^ Your bar seems quite low @Peachesx2606 You don't need to be in a marriage where your husband is the boss and you're not allowed any say in ANYthing, just to feel 'safe and cared for!'

Also, as a pp said, I don't know why these 'I'm a sub/tradwife' AMA' kind of threads come up so often. I wonder why they think people will have loads of questions, and want to know about their life?

You don't sound happy OP, and I do NOT envy your life. I am seriously wondering what makes any woman want to live like this...

That’s really disturbing,my husband is very masculine,me feminine, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be an equal partner or give up my autonomy and act like a servant or a child.

If he asked you to do something that you thought would emotionally harm your children would you do it?

No I don’t think she comes across as happy either.

I feel sad you think you have to be submissive to a partner to feel safe and cared for OP.

Healthy couples feel that way without giving default final say to one of the two people involved.

I've just seen that you have children from your first marriage. So, from what you've said, it sounds like you allow your husband to make decisions that directly affect his step children.

Do you not think that, as the parent, you should be making those decisions for your children instead?

I don’t think it’s feeble. I like to be looked after, too. But, hell, I can speak my mind, tell my husband not to be so bloody daft and make sure I’m treated as an equal partner in our life together. Feeling cared for, treasured, loved & safe doesn’t mean you need to relegate yourself to second place.

You say you’re quite timid, OP. Do you also feel that you have low self esteem? I’m only part way through reading the questions and answers so ignore this if you’ve already answered!

It started because I realised I enjoyed it and it made me feel safe. Yes, I have done things I didn't want to but not bad things. No, I didn't promise to obey himwhen we married as we weren't in this place then. I don't think it is something I would do even now as I believe it is something I have to consent to. And that could change.