Page 34 | I am submissive to my husband AMA

Peachesx2606 · 2026-06-14T19:37:41+00:00

Please AMA but please be kind. I'm interested in other thoughts/opinions and will try to give mine. This is just something that seems to work for us x

Original poster

Peachesx2606 · Yesterday 21:17

FuckYouAndYourEggAndSpoonRace · Yesterday 19:52

Well that's an hour or two I'll never get back.

Sorry!

OP posts:

Original poster

Peachesx2606 · Yesterday 21:21

Thebigonesgetaway · Yesterday 16:18

I suspect,he found the thread.

it went from the op onky being able to discuss it with her friend, how he punishes her, how she’s submissive, how it makes her feel safe, how it’s not the norm and she feels funny about it

to it’s a totally average relationship, she’s equal say in all decisions, if he tells her to go to bed, he comes up and massages her head, and will only tell her to do something like sit and rest as she’s unwell. And that she made a mistake and used the wrong words. Whilst going on about how manly he is. Any decisions he has taken are rare and the right ones.

He didn't find the thread! He's not interested in Mumsnet.

OP posts:

AnnieApples · Yesterday 21:38

Peachesx2606 · Yesterday 21:21

He didn't find the thread! He's not interested in Mumsnet.

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He’d be putting himself to bed if he had, tbf. 🥱🥱🥱

LittleBearPad · Yesterday 21:39

Confuserr · Yesterday 13:51

So funny that you decided to cut off the quote there rather than at the end of the post.

"Other things maybe a telling off, not getting something I want, being sent to bed."

You said I was inventing things by suggesting it's not healthy for a little girl to see her adult mother getting "told off", "sent to bed", or deprived of something they want. Maybe you think it's OK to do that to an adult. But don't pretend that's not what she said.

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You said there was shouting. You made that bit up.

throwawayimplantchat · Yesterday 21:49

He tells you off fairly often? Sends you to your room if you’re having an argument? Sometimes withholds things as punishment?

You’re in an abusive relationship. He’s convinced you he’s your hero / carer when he’s just a bog standard misogynist.

Hopefully your girls realise they don’t need to replicate this relationship dynamic and their dad has a healthier relationship on his side for them to look up to.

If you haven’t told your therapist about the telling off / withholding things / sending to your bed then please do.

Good luck, I feel sorry for you that you feel safe because he is controlling x

Original poster

Peachesx2606 · Yesterday 22:14

throwawayimplantchat · Yesterday 21:49

He tells you off fairly often? Sends you to your room if you’re having an argument? Sometimes withholds things as punishment?

You’re in an abusive relationship. He’s convinced you he’s your hero / carer when he’s just a bog standard misogynist.

Hopefully your girls realise they don’t need to replicate this relationship dynamic and their dad has a healthier relationship on his side for them to look up to.

If you haven’t told your therapist about the telling off / withholding things / sending to your bed then please do.

Good luck, I feel sorry for you that you feel safe because he is controlling x

I will talk to my therapist, thank you.

He's not convinced me of anything, though. It comes as much if not more so from me. I am not saying our relationship isn't clearly disordered but as I said we are both willing to change and make things better.

If you read the thread the girls' dad was abusive to me, not a healthy relationship atall. And this was in front of them. Their dad is not in a relationship, though. And I think he has changed as he has got older too. The girls don't see any abuse with me and my current husband. They like my husband and get on really well with him. My middle daughter is in particular very close to him. They are so much happier now.

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ReallyReilly · Yesterday 22:18

Why do you want this relationship to be the way it is? What need does it fulfil for you? I just cannot understand a grown woman wanting to be treated like a child by a man. Especially when you’ve previously been in an abusive relationship. No decent man would want to be telling his wife when to go to bed and make all the decisions either.

throwawayimplantchat · Yesterday 22:22

Peachesx2606 · Yesterday 22:14

I will talk to my therapist, thank you.

He's not convinced me of anything, though. It comes as much if not more so from me. I am not saying our relationship isn't clearly disordered but as I said we are both willing to change and make things better.

If you read the thread the girls' dad was abusive to me, not a healthy relationship atall. And this was in front of them. Their dad is not in a relationship, though. And I think he has changed as he has got older too. The girls don't see any abuse with me and my current husband. They like my husband and get on really well with him. My middle daughter is in particular very close to him. They are so much happier now.

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I’m really sorry, I forgot about your ex being abusive when I wrote that I hoped he had a healthier relationship. I’m sorry you went through that and that the girls witnessed it.

But it makes even more sense as to why you’re accepting of behaviour others would find unacceptable (another adult telling us off / withholding things / sending us to bed) because your expectations are skewed by the fact you’re comparing him to a more overtly abusive person, rather than a regular, healthy and well adjusted person.

I really hope your therapist can help. Please do tell them about the punishment / consequences you shared on here.

Bestfootforward11 · Yesterday 22:25

He's not convinced me of anything, though. It comes as much if not more so from me

Did you ask to be punished? For what reason? Why did he agree?

I do think these are things to explore with your therapist.

Original poster

Peachesx2606 · Yesterday 22:33

ReallyReilly · Yesterday 22:18

Why do you want this relationship to be the way it is? What need does it fulfil for you? I just cannot understand a grown woman wanting to be treated like a child by a man. Especially when you’ve previously been in an abusive relationship. No decent man would want to be telling his wife when to go to bed and make all the decisions either.

I don't know fully. I'm working on it in therapy. I imagine it must come from my childhood where I didn't feel loved and looked after. I also have a lot of thoughts around myself that I'm a complete nightmare and I need someone to help me be better. I find life pretty challenging and in my first marriage I struggled alone. I feel like my husband expecting certain things from me compels me to do them and it seems to help. You say no decent man wants to be telling his wife when to go to bed but what if the wife sends she would appreciate that support. Many posters also said their husbands tell them to go to bed when he sees they are tired. I feel like with me if he told/suggested I go to bed without an expectation that I do it, I just wouldn't. I just would want to rebel. Hopefully I can overcome that in therapy. 4One of my goals is to be able to do things like that more independantly. Before we got to this stage of our marriage I would just stay up too late all the time and it affected me a lot but I didn't seem to be able to deal with it. Like self sabotage, I guess.

OP posts:

andthat · Today 00:05

Peachesx2606 · Yesterday 21:16

It seems people aren't happy with me trying to answer the questions in order. I am sorry also that my life isn't as interesting as some expected! And I realise that saying 'submissive' was wrong as I didn't realise it meant having no opinion/input into anything and doing strange things without question!

A few have asked about neurodiversity - I'm waiting for Autism & ADHD assessment currently.

I think myself and my husband do have some dysfunction in our relationship. We both have trauma in our past which I think this is where this comes from. But we are both open to working on things and figuring out a healthy relationship.

A lot came up about the effect on the children which was the biggest thing for me.

To explain why I don't think it affects them negatively I guessI have to talk about day to day life. I realise being punished by my husband is pretty extreme but that also most of the time our life is pretty normal and ordinary. Yes, he tells me to go to bed pretty much every night but the kids aren't around then. Youngest 2 are in bed and eldest is in their room. Decisions between us are made privately. The girls are involved in decisions about them and never not expected to make decisions due to being girls. I have taught the older 2 to be independant. I've never expected them to be anything other than equal in a relationship/potential relationship. If we have an argument and my husband tells me to go to our room it helps due to giving us space. I realise that may not be the most healthiest way to do that. He doesn't hardly ever not let me have something as a punishment but doesn't do it in front of the DC. He does tell me off fairly often but again not in front of the DC. Day to day I'm just a normal mum to them and we present a united front.

Your husband sends you to your room like a naughty child.

Surely you can see this is dysfunctional and controlling?