AMA: Former model in late 30s often called beautiful by others

[ImImmortalNowBabyDoll]

I'm a former model and now in my late 30s but still regularly described by strangers and friends alike as "beautiful." I've noticed that people who haven't happened to fall neatly into Western beauty standards are often curious about people who do, so AMA.

And if you just want to come and tell me that I'm conceited and probably not as beautiful as I think I am, that's OK too- we all need a hobby.

Do we? I'm not sure that's so much the case, anymore. Looking at fashion models and 'beautiful' people, I feel like there's a huge range of what's considered attractive these days. Some people find Simu Liu or Anya Taylor-Joy gorgeous, while others can't understand their appeal and swoon over Adam Driver and Lupita Nyong'o (or vice versa).

I feel like in this global, modern world, general tastes are much more varied than they used to be.

It's definitely getting broader which is a good thing. Fashion models aren't always conventionally beautiful though, they are striking and attention-grabbing. It depends on the brand, VS models are definitely very stereotypically beautiful, other brands deliberately go for a "quirkier" look. I'd say that in general, very thin and tall isn't what is treated as attractive in real life- most thin, tall girls say that anyway. The fashion industry is dominated by women and gay men.

Sorry to hear that OP 😞 your SIL sounds awful and the violence towards you.

Another thought - when you mentioned Anne Hathaway you're compared to looks wise, my DD could be too, she's beautiful but no amount of being beautiful will get her STEM degree. You would have worked very hard in your modelling career with some acting involved. Although it's an opportunity based on looks.

It's not dissimilar to intelligence I suppose - I have a high IQ but that on it's own wouldn't have carried me far. It gave me an advantage. I'm not an ambitious person though and I don't enjoy competition so I've always just done the things that I love and taken what I can from them.

Running around big cities and standing in queues at casting calls for 3 hours as described above...why would I want to do that when I could be having a cup of tea with a fellow creative before working together to make some art that we're both proud of and take a bit of money home to my family?

Just like I could strive and stress to become a senior leader in my organisation, answering emails on Sundays and staying late in the office, but why would I when I earn a decent wage working mostly from home with flexible hours and no stress?

My Mum says they had such high hopes for me when I was a "gifted child" and I should go for promotion and then I could buy a bigger house and my first thought is how stressful it was buying this house and how I never want to move again. 😂

My Dad's the same, he's a maths genius who turned down Oxford University and was scouted by NASA once upon a time but he likes pensions and VAT, to the never ending frustration of my Mum. He gets it and just says he's happy I'm happy.

That's so interesting, I think if I had a model figure, I'd be tempted to buy new things constantly!

OP have you been diagnosed as autistic?

I bought more in my early 20s and then I moved countries and my flatmate who had promised to store them for a couple of months until I could collect them disappeared and stole everything. I lost a bit of my love for fashion at that point.

I have an ADHD diagnosis and it's only quite recently (5-10 years) I've realised I'm autistic too. I don't see a point to getting an official diagnosis now. I know how it affects me and my workplace makes reasonable adjustments without needing a diagnosis.

And I'm begging you please, if this was where you were going, don't make this a debate about whether I'm a real autistic. The real model argument was bad enough. 😂

@ImImmortalNowBabyDoll not at all, I was just curious, no worries.

Er…no
one reason to be grateful I’m ugly!
Every cloud…

It sounds like the main difference between you and most women (regardless of their “level of attractiveness”) is that for some reason you enjoy indulging a certain type of men by taking your clothes off for them and buying into the notion that women are basically nothing but aesthetic objects. Comparing yourself to Audrey Hepburn or Julie Andrews doesn’t make it any classier.
Pandering to men this way may feel “empowering” or “fun” for you but it is harmful to women in general because it perpetuates the bullshit attitude that women are just props who exist to satisfy men’s egos and libidoes.
I came on to the thread with an open mind but this is what I have honestly taken from it.
I don’t even look down on women who take their clothes off for money generally - it’s your attitude that has made me have this reaction. You seem to think it’s a great thing that men wanted to photograph you and fly you to Milan or whatever because you were young and beautiful. It’s really not. Nobody with healthy self esteem wants to be objectified like this. It’s not the 1950’s anymore.

I've read them. It didn't come across as being concerned for her historical safety. It came across as somewhat sneering and you wanting to let us all know that you're a 'real' model. I don't disagree with you on the safety aspect, but that's not what it read as. Just letting you know as it seems that tone was unintentional.

There is one person on this thread who wanted us all to know she was a model, and that’s OP. Except she wasn’t.

That post came across as curious about the safety aspect as it’s an inherently dangerous thing to be doing.

Well it’s a YOU issue if you feel I came across that way.
Had people left, right and centre quoting me on posts I’ve made on this thread and start arguing with me, then have the cheek to accuse me of derailing the thread. I have not made any further posts to the op, all I’ve done since last night is respond to other posters who keep quoting me and looking for an argument, you being one of them!

Exactly! It’s not my fault the op got defensive about it and started claiming I look down on her.

Fair enough. Just a me and 'people left, right and centre' on this thread problem 🙂

All good, not a big issue.

Yes, I agreed on the potential safety issue. Not on the other comments used to frame it though. It's an online discussion forum though, so discussion is what happens.

🙂It's good to know you don't look down on her. I guess we've reached a nice conclusion to this element of the discussion then.

Yes. Nobody needed to quote me. It was an AMA thread about the op. I asked questions, the op seemed to get defensive and offended and started arguing with me. I argued back and all hell let loose. I’m not sure why all the other posters then decided to derail the thread by arguing with me. Then have the cheek to accuse me of derailing the thread. It seems you have quoted me specifically to look for an argument.

Back to the AMA part of this anyway. Did you make good friends during that time, OP and are you still in contact with any of them? Have people moved on to other varied careers? It's fun to see some older women returning to modelling again recently - not that you're old, of course!

I'm happy to leave this here now, but just for the record, I wasn't looking for an argument. It was to show the OP a bit of solidarity as I felt bad for her when I saw your comment, as it felt belittling.

Now that you've explained that wasn't your intention then the conversation has reached a natural conclusion, at least for me. I'll leave it here. We agreed on the safety aspect and the OP had the opportunity to address that aspect too, if she wished, from her own perspective.

Just wanted to say when my auntie modelled she was only about 5 ft 7, slim yes but not thin. Stunning but also just very photogenic. She had dark brown hair pale skin and almost oriental shape eyes but blue. Her boyfriend later husband owned an advertising agency and had been known to discover models. He was actually a very dodgy character.

How do you think people who “don’t fall into western beauty standards” referenced in the OP feel other than belittled?

Who actually starts a thread like this?

I clicked on it as I modelled a bit myself in my teens and early 20s but the whole tone was so weird and transpired she just meant weird amateurs off the internet.

Yes, fashion models are much more unique and unusual looking than other celebrities, I think. But even amongst celebrities, there's a wider variance in looks that are appreciated these days. It's definitely a good thing, I think.

I think being slim is still treated as the most popular attractive feature a person can have, but yes, being tall has never been a consideration for attractiveness in women. Short, towering - I think men don't really care. As someone who's 5'8 and slim, and ordinary levels of pretty (nothing special, imo), even closer to 40 than 30 I still notice men (usually older men) leching at me in public on a daily basis, with a shocking lack of discretion.

But then, as I always think, most men will fuck literally anything (ugh) let alone anyone, so being attractive to them isn't exactly uncommon, and isn't a compliment!