AMA: Former model in late 30s often called beautiful by others

[ImImmortalNowBabyDoll]

I'm a former model and now in my late 30s but still regularly described by strangers and friends alike as "beautiful." I've noticed that people who haven't happened to fall neatly into Western beauty standards are often curious about people who do, so AMA.

And if you just want to come and tell me that I'm conceited and probably not as beautiful as I think I am, that's OK too- we all need a hobby.

The OP definitely did come across as belittling imo, but then I'm deathly allergic to anything that seems self-aggrandising and unproven on the internet, haha.

I clicked on it as I was interested to hear about experiences in the modelling industry, thinking of fashion and commercial modelling, and I have to admit, when I saw the OP just meant amateur glamour and nude photography, I did think, "Oh...hmm. That sort of 'model'..."

Although it was interesting to hear a bit about what that subculture is like. It makes me think of that Suicide Girls website that was big in the mid 00's - I wonder if that's still around.

How do you think people who “don’t fall into western beauty standards” referenced in the OP feel other than belittled?

I've never modelled or, by any stretch, fall into western beauty standards. I don't feel belittled. I didn't feel as though OP's thread was directed at me personally. But I get how somebody else could feel differently. That's what makes a lively thread and discussion, I guess.

I’ve known a nude art model (female) and used to sometimes see catwalk shows eg for lingerie. Some of them had appalling skin (make up to cover it) you could see that easily, but they were tall and skinny.

Yes I did and most eventually settled down to do something more stable and steady after getting married and having babies. Some have gone more into acting. The photographers have mostly continued with that job, or retired.

I didn't do it to satisfy men, I did it because I enjoyed the artistic process. Many of the photographers I worked with were women. Did you have a question?

Why would they feel any way about it if they have already self-assessed themselves to not fit into those standards? I didn't pick anyone out and say, "This person is not beautiful." I also did not say that people who don't fit into what is considered beautiful by our society are not beautiful. Everyone has their own kind of beauty.

Hi I’m often described as beautiful, feel free to ask me what it’s like.

Said no-one ever. Apart from Samantha Brick.

Ok, if you don't have any questions, you don't need to ask any. Bye.

I find this conversation genuinely fascinating; society really doesn't like it when women self-identify as beautiful. Samantha Brick being a great example. But then, we often don't like it when women are complimentary to themselves at all. I have a friend who has occasionally mentioned that's she's beautiful, and how she's great at her job. I kind of love it, and wish I was more like her, while also observing my sense of irritation / amusement at the pronounced self confidence.

That irritation / amusement is entirely my own reaction rather than anything that should impact how she lives her life, but I have seen other women get annoyed with her. Usually those that I would also perceive as attractive and accomplished but wouldn't say it outright. Interesting, anyway. It also varies a lot by nationality. American women don't seem to struggle with it as much as British women.

I think you might have missed the point.

Honestly, I think any man who self-identifies as stunningly handsome is usually an insufferable prick. It just seems vain and self-aggrandising. If you're attractive, people will notice it - there's no need to announce it.

It's a bit like people who insist on announcing that they're exceedingly musically talented, or have a very high IQ, or that their precious firstborn is wonderfully gifted; let things speak for themselves.

It always makes me think: if you have to point it out to people, is it even true? But then I live in a country that definitely prefers self-deprecation in general over being braggadocious; people are always eager to praise those who merit it, but dislike those who buy tickets on themselves.

Your observation about those from the US vs Brits is quite apt there - in general USians are much more likely to talk themselves up, while Brits are more self-deprecating.

I don't go round announcing it. People say it to me, or about me. I suppose I'm supposed to pretend I don't believe them or I haven't noticed. Beautiful women and handsome men know they are beautiful or handsome, even if they pretend not to.

I wasn't talking specifically about you, more answering the PP in regards to general attitudes about beauty etc. But it does seem a little odd to announce it on the internet.

It's anonymous and I'm not sharing my face. I wouldn't say it on social media.

That's interesting. I can see how if they were focusing on the technical aspect of drawing it would feel more comfortable.

That sounds really nice, interesting jobs to do & you also made friends. I don't know a lot about modelling but I'm interested in Gia Carangi's life & books say she was partly a great model due to being good at the acting side of things. Isabella Rosselini is probably someone else that applies to.

Hmm...I'm not fully sure standards for women in the 1500s were so different from today. Though definitely details vary : to us nowadays the extremely pale faces and high-plucked foreheads of Tudor ladies look strange.

Really? I don't think that the round jaw lines and heavy lidded eyes that seem to be present in the portraits from that time along with the sloping shoulders are considered beautiful at all now. Then looking at the Renaissance it was all about bigger, softer bodies, not the very slim look associated with models now. I was a size 6-8 when I was modelling a lot but still larger than a lot of the other models I worked alongside.

Yes, I agree - I think there are noticeable variances in grooming in particular, but for the most part what was thought to be appealing is broadly pretty consistent. I mean, look at the Venus de Milo - I think her figure and face would still be considered appealing now, for sure.

I am curious about this, and think you're handling this gracefully!

Yet another former model here, though not for long. I hate having my photo taken, so I knocked it on the head 😂 I did have an agent and did one fashion shoot (catalogue) plus some calendar stuff, etc. I was just tall enough at 5'8" ... and am so old now, I've shrunk!

I wasn't beautiful; I was pretty and the right shape for clothes. I have met many truly beautiful people and I never know what to do with them! Although I know better - and I do try - I find it really hard to get past my ... I dunno, awe and wonder in the face of physical perfection, and talk to them like normal people. I've even said so sometimes, which probably made things even more awkward.

Do you / did you feel you had to make superhuman efforts to be understood as a real person, iykwim? Maybe I'm simply the world's biggest twat and it's not usually a problem. I'm just thinking about how frustrating it is, for most young women, when men decide you're really attractive and can't shift their minds past that - they kind of project onto you - and how much more annoying it would be if almost everyone had that kind of reaction to your looks.

I did benefit from pretty privilege, though, and agree the privilege increases the better-looking you are. Research always shows the most attractive people are thought to be more intelligent and deserving, too. Unfair, but humans be weird ...

Hmm...I think it varies. Elizabeth Woodville was praised for having hooded eyes 'like those of a dragon' which wouldn't likely sound complimentary now (or who knows, 'dragon eyes' could be the next TikTok trend 🤣) But several actresses considered attractive do have hooded eyes : Blake Lively, Jennifer Lawrence & Eva Green to name three.

Sloping shoulders? - I think they'e still generally seen as attractive on women. Ditto rounded jawlines

I think the trend for more thinness compared to Renaissance is limited to the very recent fashion industry. Softer bodies are still popular with actresses (Sydney Sweeney for one!) etc. And it's fairly recent : after all, 80s supermodels like Naomi Campbell, Cindy Crawford etc were curvaceous.

Yes,,I think so too.

Jia Tolentino of the New Yorker has a good essay on how IG etc have made beauty standards more homogenous

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/decade-in-review/the-age-of-instagram-face

But otoh as you say, the world is global now & there's a lot more variety in who we're exposed to.

Oh, interesting!! Thanks for the link.

And in regards to your previous comment, on hooded eyes - I think those are still considered attractive. 'Come to bed eyes' or 'bedroom eyes' I used to read them being described as - hooded and sultry.

I agree that the trend for rake-like thinness seems almost exclusive to fashion (which is a world dominated by gay men, so that's unsurprising), and that in real life, straight men have pretty much always been more likely to prefer a woman who has curves, whether slim with curves, or more plump.

I think AMAs are different to real life though. Part of it is saying things you wouldn't normally say in real life.

That's true.