I’m a romany gypsy married to a non traveller AMA

[overstimulatedhermit]

For clarification I was married to a traveller and had 3 children. So I did go down the traditional route but he was very abusive and a narcissist and I’m now dealing with the aftermath of trauma and years of abuse. But that’s another matter, I wanted to start a thread because I know people would be curious about a gypsy marrying outside her culture.

Hi, Op.
Such an interesting thread. And an educative one.
I live near a wide open land that travellers frequently come too and i met quite a lot through my work. I always thought Romany gypsies were not british but thank-you for shedding light on this. I apologise for my ignorance and I am sorry you experienced abuse in your first marriage.
What exact cultural differences did you and your first husband husband have? Was it different foods? Different expectations and practices around childbirth, relating to in-laws etc?

Very interesting. Thank you.

Do you think Romany gypsys / travellers get overlooked and not given support compared to other minority communities in Britain? e.g. few initiatives to support.

Do you have any suggestions for reducing rates of domestic abuse within the community? I ask because I know the more mainstream suggestions like increasing the age of marriage can be seen as culturally insensitive.

lol sorry I’m not superstitious at all.
Work is mostly the drive for travelling, families travel around the country to work. Also again it’s part of our culture and tradition and we need to keep that part alive for future generations. A lot don’t have anywhere permanent to settle because there isn’t enough sites to move onto. Councils aren’t building sites for families because non travels protest against them being built in their area. When they do they are in unlivable places, for instance the ones near me are either right next to Train tracks or next to a slaughter house. Who wants that when you have kids it’s so unsafe. So until enough sites are built for people to settle kids will continue to not get an education and travellers will continue to travel around.

Tell that to my family member who has just had surgery and her husband has just taken a week off work to care for their 3 kids, cook every day, be a nurse told her, and pack her orders and sending them off so her customers get their purchases and her business can continue while she’s out of action.

What’s your thoughts on Appleby horse fair?
How did you meet your first husband?
Have you children got strong gypsy names?

Interesting and educational thread-thanks!

It’s absolutely tragic thst you think this proves your point. What about every previous week of her life when she hasn’t had surgery? What about every week in the life of every other woman in your culture who isn’t in the immediate aftermath of surgery? If this guy can cook, clean and look after three children for a week, why csnt he do it every week, like a normal person?

Thanks for this answer. They deserve better for sure. It’s really not fair that the culture and needs of the community get tarnished by actions of few and prejudice of many.
I loved that you called a meeting with that stop security. What a power move.
Wishing you and your family the best, OP.

Thank you, I don’t want to go into specifics because I don’t want to tar every Irish traveller the same way as my ex and his family. But what I will say is that we didn’t agree on how we raised our children.

Has he completely stopped the abuse now? Hope you are properly free of him.

Oh yes, I feel like we are treated as 3rd class citizens in this country. Non travellers bang on about education for our kids and can’t understand why our children are pulled out of school or don’t attend, but can’t seem to put 2 and 2 together and realise the reason why. If we aren’t settled how can our kids go to school?

i don’t think it comes down to age so I can’t see how increasing the age is going to help. Domestic abuse happens everywhere in all communities

I don’t have any thoughts on Appleby because I’m not into horses. I’ve been once but I prefer other fairs.

I knew of him, and then met him at a wedding. Ironically

I don’t know what strong gypsy names are sorry.

I’m sorry do you know my family? How would you know if he does or doesn’t. How judgey of you to think you know better. I’ve been nothing but respectful on this thread and made a point to answer every question given to me. I can’t say the same for you.

Thank you for such a lovely reply 🥰

Sorry about this. I feel for you.

#overstimulatedhermit this is one of the most interesting OP's on gypsy life I have ever seen, thank you for putting yourself forward and answering questions about a life I personally do not know about, apart from disdain when travellers take over park spaces and leave all amounts of shit when they are moved on. You are a breath of fresh air with your open answers and helping us to understand a life we do not live. I'm glad you have weathered a storm and come through, not unscathed but through determination and grit come out as a winner, big love to you xxx

He has but I still live in fear that he will knock on my door one day. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s rocked up at my home. The kids are adults now so he has no excuse to pay me surprise visits but you just never know with him.

Thank you ☺️

You said you left school after primary, but come across as well educated from your writing, what was your post-primary education like?

There wasn’t any post primary education, I left school at 10 so I don’t think I even finished year 6. I left and that was that.

You mentioned earlier about there not being enough camps and that’s one of the reasons children aren't in school, that people want to settle but there isn’t anywhere suitable as local authorities don’t build enough sites. I think I understood that right, if so then can I ask why if people want to settle they don’t just rent a house like anyone else would? Why do they need special sites?
I hope that doesn’t come across as rude, it’s not meant that way.

You say you left school at the end of primary. Where/when did you learn to write so well?

Because living in a house isn’t suitable for some people, it’s the same as asking you to give up all you’ve known ( a house ) and live in a caravan on a travellers site. To us it’s normal but to you it would be small and cramped and you’d long for your comforts. I’ve known family’s that have tried to settle in houses but they feel claustrophobic and penned in have given up the houses and gone back to the only thing they’ve ever known.

I learnt in school.