I’m a romany gypsy married to a non traveller AMA

[overstimulatedhermit]

For clarification I was married to a traveller and had 3 children. So I did go down the traditional route but he was very abusive and a narcissist and I’m now dealing with the aftermath of trauma and years of abuse. But that’s another matter, I wanted to start a thread because I know people would be curious about a gypsy marrying outside her culture.

Yes. From the way they dress to the way they socialise. It’s very different

Thank you for this thread it’s so interesting, and I’m pleased you’re now in a happy marriage. My question is could you recommend a reputable good place to read up more about Romany culture and the differences between the travelling communities?

The cultures are very different. I’d say we are all very different but share some stuff.

Ive only felt discrimination when with my husbands father, on the whole he’s an alright man but he has said the p word when talking about travellers he’s bumped into and my husbands corrected him.

I wouldn’t say I’m overly religious but I’m Christian.

yes they do.

How is the treatment of animals generally?

We share the same traditions but culturally we are very different. From the way we raise are children, to how we dress and socialise. My first husband was an Irish travellers and culturally we clashed big time.

Thank you , I don’t know of any books or websites but TikTok is very educational lol there is a lot of gypsy and traveller women on there that have their own accounts and share loads of information and content

Very good from what I’ve seen. But then I don’t have eyes in every corner of the country

This is really interesting, thank you for doing an AMA!

My question is, how different are British Romany gypsies to European Roma?

Like, do you have words in common (is there a Romany language? Please excuse my ignorance. Or just certain terms mixed in with English), or traditions, or dress, food etc.
Or are European Roma so different you’ve not had much experience with them?

Thank you for starting this post, it's interesting to learn about a group of people in the UK who most of us don't know much about.

I have a question. Say your DS or DD was gay or lesbian, how would family and the community react? Or is it different between different communities?

More generally, if a young person didn't want to get married yet, would this be accepted, or would it be difficult?

P.S. I think it's fine to be married at 16, by the way, if everyone is consenting.

I’ve never had any experience with them tbh and I’m not sure on language. We use a language but I’m not sure if other European country’s use it as well. I’ve seen a lot of videos on TikTok from French gypsy’s and I’d say we share some things in common with them

I wouldn’t have a problem and neither would my family.
believe it or not there’s quite a few of them in our community.

No there’s no time frame on when someone should be married, I have family that never married. I have family that have married at 16 and some that have married in their 30s. No one’s going to kick out their kids because they haven’t married.

I was a midwife (a very long time ago) in a hospital near a very large traveller site.

It was always lovely and a privilege to see how the travelling community supported one another around the birth and sadly sometimes death of their babies.

I can remember two sisters in labour at the same time who insisted on being in the same labour room and who had their babies within minutes on one another.
Their mum and various aunts were fabulous in the care of both them and their babies.

So why didn’t you adjust to his cultural expectations that husband and wife take on far more equal roles in housework and childcare?

How have you managed to function with only a primary school education? Doesn’t it restrict your working life?

What an interesting thread.

You sound like a very strong woman, Op.

Thanks for your reply. What an interesting thread.

What jobs are the norm for travellers, if they don’t have qualifications? Isn’t it limited?

I live in an area that has a lot of the travelling community.
They are unfortunately disliked by many for reasons such as racing horses up and down the road, theft,, dumping of waste on private land, violence etc.
How do you feel about this stigma attached to being part of the travelling community? Have you witnessed this personally or do you think its a minority giving travellers a bad name?

Would you be happy if your kids wanted to marry at 16? Or if they wanted to leave secondary education?

Thank you, OP, for such an interesting and informative thread!

Also, where I grew up - industrial north east, close communities, small houses - girls (and boys) did marry young and had stable ongoing relationships and families.

For clarity, I think you’re from an Irish traveller community OP?

I’m Romany, and nobody would have a clue from how I look, talk or act. Nor do I want to look, talk or act a certain way - I’m just myself, not a stereotype.

Adding - I also have a first class honours degree.

How do you pay for your house?

She says she’s Romany.

Completely different other than some genetic roots going back to northern India. English Romanies settled centuries ago and absolutely do have their own language, although nowadays it tends to be the odd word rather than whole sentences.

Anyway, over and out.

I read what she said. I’m not sure what “accent” an English Romany has in the UK, other than regional.