I am child-free by choice. AMA.

[DogWater]

I'm a 40 year old woman, and child-free by choice.

AMA.

What made you start this thread this morning?

genuine question

Did you always want to remain child free or did this decision come later in life?

I know various woman who have chosen to remain child free for various reasons and some made the decision as a teen and some later in life.

i hope u feel very welcome here, just curious what brings you to mumsnet ?

has there been a time when you would have wanted children or has it always been a solid choice to be child free

Also childfree, after many years of ambivalence and agonising! 45 now, and more sure every day that I made the right decision

Do you get much hassle about being childfree? I've probably only had a handful of nasty comments / intrusive questions about not having children, some from my own family though!

I caught up with a friend last night who was asking me all sorts of questions about my child-free life. She said she couldn't imagine an adult life without children and was genuinely curious about it. So, that I guess.

Not a close friend presumably

I hope this makes sense but I often feel like I ‘levelled up’ as a person when I became a mother, and gained lots of new skills and depth to my being (studies have shown mothers’ brains physically change!) Do you feel like you’ve changed and evolved as a person as you’ve become older and had life experiences, and if so, what particular experiences triggered an evolution in you? I often wonder whether this change happens naturally and motherhood is just one of many catalysts for it

It’s not a question, but I think you’ve
made a great choice 👍

I've always known. I've never particularly enjoyed the company of children even when I was one 😂

When I was about seven, my mum's best mate and my mate's mum (I mean, the same woman - I was friends with the daughter, my mum was friends with the mum) had a baby, and that completely cemented my decision.

She must be completely lacking in imagination.

You are aware that this board full of threads exists?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

I had a lengthy period of WFH back in 2012. I was craving entertaining adult conversation in lieu of little chats at the coffee machine, and stumbled upon MN. It was around the time of elderly Korean lady and I was hooked 😅

Always wondered , in a curious and non judgemental way! Why people who aren't parents or trying to conceive join mumsnet.
Why did you sign up?

Did you always know you didn't want DC?
And why did you decide not to have any?

Do you have a partner? Was it a joint decision or one led by you, how early on in your relationship did you broach it?

Has anyone ended a relationship with you due to you not wanting children?

Thanks

I wouldn't say "hassle" but definitely intrusive comments here and there. Like you, mostly from my own family.

I on the other hand don’t. My (now adult) children have given me, and continue to give me so much joy. I can’t imagine a life without them in it.

We have a really odd relationship. We've been mates since school. We go years and years without seeing each other. Then when we do meet, we talk about anything and everything, no holds barred.

She wasn't asking me questions in a nasty way at all. She had her first baby when she was 18, so she's never had any child-free adult life.

What is the thing you are most proud of having done?

What was the best day of your life?

I think this is an excellent AMA but I had to really think about questions.

Perhaps this is a little bit unfair, but this thread title strikes me as being a little bit like "I don't go rock climbing, by choice. Ask me anything."

What is there to be said about not wanting a particular activity or lifestyle? You do you!

The unfairness of my question is that I'm aware that some people do have questions about this choice. But I do think that quite a few child-free-by-choice people over-estimate the degree to which others judge them or are remotely interested in their choices.

Child free by choice here too. My friends seem so stressed by motherhood a lot of the time. I am not sure they enjoy it very much. But they also seem bemused at what I do with all my "free time" I work full time so I don't feel like I have a ton but some of them don't work at all or work 1 or 2 days a week and their kids are in primary school so I figure they have quite a bit too?

Regardless, I suffer badly with my mental health, in particular depression and anxiety and the thought of having a school aged child and having to be present and on the ball for them every morning sorting their uniform and breakfast and homework and taking them to school etc fills me with a strange dread that makes me so sure I made the right decision.

I am quite a naturally selfish person too so again not suited to the all encompassing role of motherhood.

I wouldn't say there's any particular experiences or things that've triggered a sudden "levelling up". I'd say its more of a gradual evolution into a fully confident, competent, and content adult.

I hope that makes sense!

'But I do think that quite a few child-free-by-choice people over-estimate the degree to which others judge them or are remotely interested in their choices.'

I agree with this - I think most parents don't really give a fig whether other people have kids or not. Then again, we have all had more than one experience where someone has treated us like a freak or been rude / intrusive about our decision, and those experiences tend to stick in your mind!

Presumably your friend meant she can’t imagine her life without her children in it.

I know people who had their first child in their 40s so perhaps I’d be more interested in asking someone in their late 50s how they feel about it.

Do you have a partner?

Elderly Korean Lady! One of my favourite threads! I reread it every so often.

Why did you sign up?
See above - I had a lengthy period of WFH back in 2012. I was craving entertaining adult conversation in lieu of little chats at the coffee machine, and stumbled upon MN. It was around the time of elderly Korean lady and I was hooked.

Did you always know you didn't want DC?
Yes

And why did you decide not to have any?
I didn't really decide. I just always knew I didn't want a life with children in it.

Do you have a partner? Was it a joint decision or one led by you, how early on in your relationship did you broach it?
Yes, I have a partner. I wouldn't say I 'broached it' with him necessarily because I don't really see it as a sensitive matter. Not having children has just always been a part of our relationship so I'm not sure when I brought it up, very early on I'd guess.

Has anyone ended a relationship with you due to you not wanting children?
No.

What is the thing you are most proud of having done?
Oh my goodness, what a huge question 😅
I'm not sure there's one thing. I'd say I'm most proud of just being happy, and secure in life, which hasn't come from one thing but multiple compounding things that I've done
[Sorry - that might be a rubbish answer]

What was the best day of your life?
I couldn't pick out one.