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AMA
Original poster

I’m a gay woman, as me anything!

263 replies

Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 19:41

Shoot!

OP posts:
keswickgirl · 05/04/2025 22:52

I was once told I gave out ‘lesbian vibes’ because I wore a lot of checked shirts. Is that a thing, or was the person who said this being ignorant?

Clafoutie · 05/04/2025 22:53

GreenwichPips · 05/04/2025 22:42

Why haven’t you answered any of the questions about whether T begins with LGB or whether transwomen can be lesbians?

Because the OP doesn’t have to?
Because it is a minefield likely to evoke extreme reactions and abusive comments?

Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 22:53

YouCantArgueWithStupid2025 · 05/04/2025 22:48

Are other female relationships with family members or friends less important when you have a girlfriend/partner because you've got a more important female opinion/perspective/company?

I’d say less of a priority because I have a partner in general not really because it is a female partner, I’m just giving some of my time to my partner rather than them

OP posts:
BertieBottsEveryFlavourBeans · 05/04/2025 22:54

GreenwichPips · 05/04/2025 22:42

Why haven’t you answered any of the questions about whether T begins with LGB or whether transwomen can be lesbians?

I was wondering this too.

Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 22:54

Namechangean · 05/04/2025 22:51

I’m wondering if a lot of posters who think that most lesbians are masculine only think that because when they meet someone femme they just assume they’re straight. They are only able to recognise butch lesbians because it’s so visual.

I’m married to a woman, we’ve been discussing recently if we feel part of the gay community, we’ve been married for 10 years, we don’t go to pride or gay clubs. Do you feel part of the gay community? And if you do what is it that makes you feel connected to the community?

I feel more of a part of the gay community now that I have children and have made a point of making other lesbian mum friends. Before that I didn’t really feel part of it but that didn’t bother me

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 22:55

keswickgirl · 05/04/2025 22:52

I was once told I gave out ‘lesbian vibes’ because I wore a lot of checked shirts. Is that a thing, or was the person who said this being ignorant?

Well yes that is a bit of a lesbian stereotype

OP posts:
CornishcreamTeaPlease · 05/04/2025 22:55

Something has puzzled me for ages and I wonder if you'd be able to help.

Why do some gay women dress in a kind of uniform- hair in a quiff, suit style clothes, masculine clothes (thinking of Sue Perkins, Claire Balding.) Many gay women dress in ways that shout 'I'm gay!'

If they are hoping to attract other gay women, who aren't attracted to men, why would they want to look like a man?

Surely as a woman wanting to attract other women, you'd want to look as feminine as possible?

It seems odd.

PollyCreo · 05/04/2025 22:56

Have you ever tried to 'turn' a straight woman?

Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 22:57

CornishcreamTeaPlease · 05/04/2025 22:55

Something has puzzled me for ages and I wonder if you'd be able to help.

Why do some gay women dress in a kind of uniform- hair in a quiff, suit style clothes, masculine clothes (thinking of Sue Perkins, Claire Balding.) Many gay women dress in ways that shout 'I'm gay!'

If they are hoping to attract other gay women, who aren't attracted to men, why would they want to look like a man?

Surely as a woman wanting to attract other women, you'd want to look as feminine as possible?

It seems odd.

Edited

I think that’s what that they feel most comfortable wearing

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 22:57

PollyCreo · 05/04/2025 22:56

Have you ever tried to 'turn' a straight woman?

No, that wouldn’t interest me. Plus I’ve been with my wife many many years

OP posts:
CornishcreamTeaPlease · 05/04/2025 22:58

Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 22:57

I think that’s what that they feel most comfortable wearing

Show quote history

But why? They don't like men in a sexual way so why do they want to resemble a man? They don't want to be men- they're not trans- they are very much women who want another woman as a sexual partner.

Namechangean · 05/04/2025 22:59

CornishcreamTeaPlease · 05/04/2025 22:55

Something has puzzled me for ages and I wonder if you'd be able to help.

Why do some gay women dress in a kind of uniform- hair in a quiff, suit style clothes, masculine clothes (thinking of Sue Perkins, Claire Balding.) Many gay women dress in ways that shout 'I'm gay!'

If they are hoping to attract other gay women, who aren't attracted to men, why would they want to look like a man?

Surely as a woman wanting to attract other women, you'd want to look as feminine as possible?

It seems odd.

Edited

Claire Balding and Sue Perkins styles have no overlap? They’re just both gay and have short hair lol. I wouldn’t even say Claire Balding is butch/masculine

Agapornis · 05/04/2025 22:59

CautiousLurker01 · 05/04/2025 22:06

My daughter is lesbian and has struggled through initially believing she was trans as she’s gender non-conforming. My feeling is that, in my naive ‘we’ve fixed LGB rights, yay’ mis-belief, that things may actually have got harder for lesbian/gay women in recent years - especially with the widespread access to porn. Do you feel this? And what advice would you give a young confused lesbian who hasn’t really come out yet? (She’s not had a girlfriend and would not now where to start!)

I'm bi rather than lesbian but if she's still in secondary school - it'll be a bit shit right now because very little is aimed at under 18s, but your 20s will be so much easier, especially if she goes to love in a (big) city for a while. If she's going to uni there will be some societies. Cities have lesbian bars, club nights, sports clubs, and e.g. London has an LGBTQ community centre with lots of non-alcohol based social events.

Gattopardo · 05/04/2025 23:01

Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 21:38

Casual slurs used in work “that’s so gay” or calling someone fruity etc, not usually directed at me. when challenged people will always say they didn’t mean it like that, they are just joking, don’t take it to heart etc. or comments about there being so many gay people these days etc

Show quote history

How old are you? Cos that sort of language would not fly in my workplace.

i can imagine it’d be more normalised in my kids’ weekend job workplaces.

the idea that anyone at my place would ever say “that’s so gay”, “fruity” or “Zesty” etc… 🤮🤮

CharlotteLightandDark · 05/04/2025 23:01

Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 21:39

I’m attracted exclusively to masculine women. I like the hair hair look. I like that a woman can ‘look’ openly gay and not try to hide it, I find that attractive. I don’t know how to explain it but that’s my type

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I’m pretty straight but i definitely find butch/masculine women very attractive. It’s the assertiveness and confidence 😍

Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 23:01

CornishcreamTeaPlease · 05/04/2025 22:58

But why? They don't like men in a sexual way so why do they want to resemble a man? They don't want to be men- they're not trans- they are very much women who want another woman as a sexual partner.

Edited
Show quote history

They aren’t dressing up as a man though. They’re dressing in clothes they like which may be trousers, suits etc. they might just like that style.
I dress very feminine because that’s how I like to dress, but that’s not even the type of woman I’m attracted to usually so it’s nothing about that

OP posts:
Justsaywhatyoumean123 · 05/04/2025 23:02

CornishcreamTeaPlease · 05/04/2025 22:58

But why? They don't like men in a sexual way so why do they want to resemble a man? They don't want to be men- they're not trans- they are very much women who want another woman as a sexual partner.

Edited
Show quote history

Because it's how they feel comfortable and loads of women both gay and straight probably find it really hot

Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 23:02

Gattopardo · 05/04/2025 23:01

How old are you? Cos that sort of language would not fly in my workplace.

i can imagine it’d be more normalised in my kids’ weekend job workplaces.

the idea that anyone at my place would ever say “that’s so gay”, “fruity” or “Zesty” etc… 🤮🤮

Show quote history

Im in my 40s but work with a wide range of ages

OP posts:
Reugny · 05/04/2025 23:03

What country do you find is the best place for your family to holiday in?

Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 23:04

Reugny · 05/04/2025 23:03

What country do you find is the best place for your family to holiday in?

We haven’t ventured too far due to work/ finances so can’t really comment on that

OP posts:
OverpricedCupcake · 05/04/2025 23:05

Agapornis · 05/04/2025 22:59

I'm bi rather than lesbian but if she's still in secondary school - it'll be a bit shit right now because very little is aimed at under 18s, but your 20s will be so much easier, especially if she goes to love in a (big) city for a while. If she's going to uni there will be some societies. Cities have lesbian bars, club nights, sports clubs, and e.g. London has an LGBTQ community centre with lots of non-alcohol based social events.

Show quote history

I was chatting to a young lesbian recently, at Uni, and she said it was difficult as all the lesbian events are now open to males, which as a lesbian, she's not into.

Tropicalturnip · 05/04/2025 23:05

Do you kiss / hold hands / show public displays of affection of any sort when you are out and about with your wife? In what circumstances would you feel more comfortable, or less comfortable, doing this and why?
I wondered if you ever feel afraid to for fear of abuse or homophobia?

keswickgirl · 05/04/2025 23:05

Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 22:55

Well yes that is a bit of a lesbian stereotype

Show quote history

In the sense that it’s true, or that it’s ignorant?
If I keep wearing checked shirts will people assume I am gay? Not that I have a problem with gay people, but as a single straight person I would rather attract men! But I do have a casual fashion sense.

Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 23:06

Tropicalturnip · 05/04/2025 23:05

Do you kiss / hold hands / show public displays of affection of any sort when you are out and about with your wife? In what circumstances would you feel more comfortable, or less comfortable, doing this and why?
I wondered if you ever feel afraid to for fear of abuse or homophobia?

Yes we do. But sometimes we still have a quick Look about to see who’s around. Walking through the city centre if there was a group of lads there we probably would drop hands

OP posts:
Original poster
Flowery41 · 05/04/2025 23:07

keswickgirl · 05/04/2025 23:05

In the sense that it’s true, or that it’s ignorant?
If I keep wearing checked shirts will people assume I am gay? Not that I have a problem with gay people, but as a single straight person I would rather attract men! But I do have a casual fashion sense.

Edited
Show quote history

Well a lot of more butch lesbian women wear checked shirts but they’re not exclusive to lesbians. I’m sure plenty of straight people do too

OP posts: