I’m a gay woman, as me anything!

[Flowery41]

Shoot!

Well if you only class ‘sex’ as PIV then that is very heteronormative and by that reasoning lesbians never have sex, but we definitely do. Suppose it’s up to the person how they define it.

@SquashedMallowI can see how some bi women would be viewed that way, though I think it’s unfair to generalise all of them as being ‘spicy straight’. If you’re bi but happen to have fallen in love with a person of one sex, it doesn’t diminish your desire for the other sex it just means that you’re not currently acting on it as you’re in a monogamous relationship, as anyone in a LTR would be. That’s how I see it anyway.

It's an "Ask me almost anything" I think

I think you're missing the point that it's possible to ask questions without having an opinion already.

There are many many posts here from last night asking why OP isn't interested in men - some far more 'reductive' than mine.

I know people don't choose their sexual preferences in the main, but equally there are some people who- gay or straight- find their choice is fluid- hence people who are bisexual.

@BertieBottsEveryFlavourBeans

You are missing the point. Transwoman do not consider themselves men. There are apparently 75 genders so I am asking a gay woman about transwomen.

I would also like to OP to confirm whether they are biologically female. It's a reasonable question.

You don't get to police posters because you don't like the question.

Why do you need me to confirm anything? Telling other people they don’t need to police posters but here I am having to confirm what’s in between my legs

but take a look back over my posts and there might be a few clues 😉

You said ask me anything and yet...

You still haven't answered the questions.

I have read the thread. Implying something is not the same as being explicit.

Great reduction though. I see what you did there.

Absolutely, and that’s what I struggled with when my niece asked me her questions.

For example, if in one room there were two lesbians, performing oral sex and digital sex on each other, to some that would be classed as them having sex with each other. But if in the room next door there was a heterosexual couple doing the exact same sexual activities with each other (and that’s all they’d ever done with each other) why wouldn’t they be classed as having sex with each other?

Would you say that a heterosexual couple engaging in foreplay with each other are no longer virgins even though PIV has never taken place between them?

In my eyes, and probably a large part of societies eyes, there is a difference between sexual activity (all means of foreplay), and actual sex (PIV), which is separates a virgin from a non-virgin.

And this is what I stumbled over when trying to answer my niece’s questions.

I.e why when two girls are engaging in foreplay together would it be classed as them having sex (and so they wouldn’t be viewed as virgins), but a male/female couple engaging in the exact same foreplay (and who’d never had sex) would still be classed as virgins?

Where is the line between how a lesbian loses her virginity compared to how heterosexual people lose their virginity.

I’m probably not explaining myself very well and sorry again for any offence that may have been caused.

I absolutely agree with you though that different people have different ideas about what sex actually is.

You clearly have some bigoted views which is why you won’t just accept that a lesbian is telling you her experience but you’re insisting you know better. It’s not shutting the convo down, she’s responded multiple times but you clearly don’t like her answers so time to move on isn’t it

Thankfully we don't presently live in a society that is fixated on female 'purity' which is where the preoccupation with terminology like virgins and virginity comes from.

I would encourage your niece to move beyond this as a talking point and instead focus on the importance of consensual and enjoyable sexual activity, in whatever form that takes.

Do lesbians have very high testosterone so they want to look like men?

Erm… no? I have higher than normal T and always have - due to PCOS and now menopause. Does it make me want to rush out and buy doc martins and boyfriend style jeans or have my hair shorn…well, no. Not unless they are the beautiful patent, denim blue doc martins I saw a few years ago and stupidly didn’t order, or the sexy Reiss jeans at £180 a pop count. Have a wardrobe full of those. Pretty sure DH doesn’t mistake me for a bloke when I’m trousered and booted - he simply knows I’m ready to join him walking the dogs. The waist length ringlets might help, though, otherwise I am sure everyone would think I was a lesbian. Not.

Great. Thanks for your post.

Maybe it's time you stopped trying to shut down conversations by telling posters to move on? What gives you that right?

I'm not insisting I know 'better'. Nor am I bigoted. I don't really care who fucks who and what sex they are, as long as it's legal. But I do wonder why many lesbians dress as they do and if you read the entire thread there are also many posters asking the same question.

The OP has become defensive when she isn't able to answer some questions.

She started the thread and presumably is bright enough to know some people will ask things she a) can't answer or b) has a different opinion of.

You’re welcome.

Is it just how lesbians dress that you have a problem with?

Do you have a problem with straight women who tend to prefer dressing more masculine too?

Do you think people dress a certain way purposefully to attract other people?

Surely how a person chooses to dress is simply because that’s just how they like to dress?

Some lesbian women are drawn to feminine women and some lesbian women are drawn to more masculine women, how is that any different to some straight women being attracted to men with muscles and some women being attracted to men of a more leaner build?

As a bisexual woman I am drawn to some women who are considered to be more masculine (say Ellen Degeneres for example) but I am also attracted to women who are more feminine in nature (I have a soft spot for Sandra Bullock, and Holly Valance from my younger days). In real life I am attracted to feminine women and more masculine woman too…..but it isn’t because of how they dress, it’s just down to attraction and connection. How they happen to dress or present themselves is just a secondary factor.

I’m pretty sure lesbians aren’t choosing their attire based on hoping other lesbians are attracted to them because of it. It just comes down to preference, some women prefer to dress a certain way, and some women prefer one type of woman over others, just like straight people do.

I don’t think there’s any big mystery about it.

I think you’ve been incredibly patient with this unreasonable, irritating person

I’m probably repeating what others have said, but I think the key thing is to encourage her to question the concept of being a virgin and where that came from, and whether it plays any useful role in our thinking about these things.

I remember when I was that age and the question of when one would lose one’s virginity seemed like one of the most important things in the world, and we all obsessed about it endlessly. I would probably have been horrified I’d known that I’d reach my mid-40s technically still being a virgin! I bi and I’ve been with my female partner for going on 20 years. Before that I had one serious(ish) relationship with a man and we did everything other than piv sex (which we attempted a few times, but I couldn’t do it as too painful).

I think we’d all be better off if society accepted that sexual intimacy can take a variety of forms and there’s no need for a hierarchy or a formal concept of what is “having sex” and what isn’t.

You're jumping to conclusions just like the poster I responded to. The poster I responded to said she should show compassion. She edited her post with a dot. I try to read posts before I say anything so I don't look like an idiot.

The irony of you talking about people shutting the conversation after you post directed at me.

The thread is 'AMA' not 'Ask how I evade answering questions as a gay woman'.

Are you the only person who gets to question the motives behind the question the OP chooses to answer or the motivation behind their answers?

Really? How is it different from hetro couples? When one or both has an orgasm surely and both decide its over?

Can I just add there are more types than that. My wife dresses masculine but she's not aggressively masculine. I don't have a type at all.

It can be. My wife and I have these roles. I'm top and she's bottom. It can be a preference for hetro couples too regardless of gender. Some men prefer to be bottom and some women prefer to be top. This isn't just a gay or lesbian scenario.

This is a good question. In our case we have mutual friends and own friends. If my friend invites me out with her I would go alone, if her husband comes we might both go and make a 4. If its a group of girls we are both invited but if they're mainly my friends I might go on my own. Own space is important, just like for same sex couples.

Honestly it shocks me how many people on here think that all lesbians have a ‘uniform’, dress like men, want to recreate hetero couples.

I’m super feminine, my wife is more masculine but not butch, we jokingly say she’s soft butch, as that’s a category we’re saw on google when trying to find inspiration for formal wear for her as she neither wants to wear a suit or a dress. she doesn’t have a ‘quiff’ or wear dungarees lol, well not since she was about 6.

I’ve known 6 other lesbians throughout my life, only one of would fit in the the ‘butch’ category. All of the others are feminine or somewhere in between. I should imagine that people on this thread just don’t know that many lesbians in real life.