I’m a gay woman, as me anything!

[Flowery41]

Shoot!

Is it that nobody really gives a feck who you're ( general "you" assuming all adults) shagging

This statement/assumption really irritates me.
That nobody cares, because people do.

I wasn't in school all that long ago and was shoved in to traffic, had my clothes thrown in the toilet, chased out of changing rooms, was sexually harassed (mostly by girls!) for being bisexual. My friend's partner was literally shunned by her village. I teach and homophobia is still a massive problem in school, both by pupils and parents. People still, in 2025, make assumptions that lesbians are trying to 'look like men' and that gay men are choosing their personalities to spite straight people.

People care, and ugliness still goes on.

No she stays at home typically, but I would say- she does tend to get invited to things when the male partners don’t but I to k sometimes people don’t know the right etiquette and don’t want to get it wrong lol

Anyway, OP, I was going to ask whether you engage with LGBTQ (particularly L) literature/films and whether you had any recommendations - always on the lookout for new books!

Do you read some of the threads on mumsnet by women married to awful, useless men and think, thank goodness I don't have to put up with that ?

Do lesbian couples avoid the whole gender role stereotyping and have more equal partnerships ?

Is there ever domestic violence in lesbian marriages ?

yes sometimes I do but I’d say some happily married straight women also feel like that. I’m lucky to have a great wife.

id say largely equal but we do have certain jobs/roles within the household but based more so one preferred jobs/strengths than anything else

yes I think it’s very common in lesbian relationships but largely unreported

I don't agree.

There are many different ways of dressing but
many lesbians do adopt a 'uniform' of the quiffed hair, dungarees, etc.

I've identified lesbians simply by their appearance (like many gay men look 'gay' by the way they talk and walk in a camp way.) And yes, I'm fully aware that some don't confirm to the stereotype. But the stereotype exists for a reason.

Is it an easy way to advertise 'I'm gay' without verbalising it? Is it passive aggressive? To ward off men perhaps?

Do lesbians have very high testosterone so they want to look like men?

I'd love to dig into the psychology of this because although gay men and women are rejecting heterosexual relationships, it appears they create one themselves with the same sex.

By that I mean in gay couples, one women is often very butch and the other very feminine. Same for gay men.

You've said yourself that you are attracted to masculine looking women which for straight women is hard to understand.

I'm not gay, but if I were I'd imagine I'd want a very pretty, feminine woman who didn't look anything like a man! Because by being gay and fancying women, I'd be rejecting male physiology.

I honestly think you’re thinking too much into this that gay women want to look like men? They dress how they like and no masculine woman I know wants to look/feel/pass as a man, they like to present as a masculine woman. The masc/femme combination in a couple, at least for me, is in no way to replicate a hetero relationship. I think you are confusing masculinity/ femininity with being a man and a woman. 2 different concepts

I’m not attracted to masculine women because they look like a man. They are a woman with a women’s body and mind.

No I'm not thinking it- it's there in plain sight!
Maybe you don't want to accept that is how many people see gay women?

It is like a uniform - I've seen photos of women in the media for example (there's one current Labour MP who's 'jumped ship', left her marriage and is 'out' as gay and she has adopted the hairstyle etc.) Very different look to how she was before.

they like to present as a masculine woman - why?

I think you are confusing masculinity/ femininity with being a man and a woman. 2 different concepts

That is actually quite a reach you've made there! So you're saying that being masculine isn't being a man, and being feminine isn't being a woman?

Talk about muddled thinking. You're not presenting your thinking very well, you know.

But in your other posts you said you liked masculine looking women.

You seem to contradict yourself a lot.

I wonder if you really are gay , or if your sexual preferences are fluid, perhaps if you just have had bad experiences with men in the past and women seem safer and less threatening in some way?

Well clearly by your own argument there are masculine women about and feminine men? So not only men can be masculine and not only women can be feminine?
Anyway I’m not engaging in your argument anymore. I can’t speak for masculine lesbians because I’m not one. I’ve no idea why people wear what they wear apart from that’s what they feel comfortable wearing and presenting to the world like.

I am attracted to lesbian woman. But that is nothing to do with me thinking they are trying to look like a man. My attraction to masculine women has nothing to do with men?

Interesting that you want to shut the conversation down (having said AMA) but want to end it now because it's getting too close to something you don't want to think about.
Or analyse logically.

Read my post again.

oh dear you’re just trying to annoy now.

im very much gay thank you and I love me a big masculine woman.

I can’t speak for masculine lesbians or why they wear the ‘uniform’ you’d need to ask them?

What would it be close to that I don’t want to think about? Lol

if lesbians want to dress as men or whatever, I honestly don’t care at all. I think people can wear what they want.

there’s nothing I don’t want to think about that you’re mentioning. You seem very invested in this

I am gay because I am attracted to woman and I was born this way. Very damaging to suggest it’s because I had a bad experience with a man. That does not turn people gay or I’m sure there would many many more gay women about

How do you feel about bi women in heterosexual relationships being part of the LGB community? Are they generally welcomed by lesbians or viewed as ‘imposters’?

Thanks to Cornish for proving that people in 2025 still have reductive, ridiculous views on sexuality - really goes to show why we still need Pride and education! Fascinating OP that people don't believe you when it's straight from the horse's mouth. I think masculine women are hot too. Masculine =/= Man!

I welcome them personally but I do know many gay women who would not date bi women. Not exactly sure why. I don’t think they are viewed as imposters

Thank you for this.
feel like banging my head off a wall

What is the point of posting under AMA if you are not going to answer reasonable questions. Which begs the question - are you actually a biological female? If you are, do you view transwomen as women? Could you see yourself having a relationship with a woman.

I personally think a lot of "bi" women are viewed as "spicy straights". Which I personally understand to be honest. How many "bi" women are actually with other women ? And how many of them ultimately end up marrying a man? (Pretty much all of them in my experience).

There's a lot more "bi" identifying women (who are cosily married to men ) since it became cool to be "other".

I think perhaps it gives them a pass to be part of the cool crowd without actually having to "practice" the being gay part.

Adding to the bi thing. I can totally look at a woman and think "god she's gorgeous!" I've even been close to a masculine looking lesbian and had the fanny gallops ! But I'm 100% straight. If I undressed the said woman, she'd have the wrong parts for me. Ultimately, I want to have sex with a penis. I wouldn't know what to do, or want to know what to do with female genitals. I can imagine breasts are so much fun to play with putting it crudely and could probably do it. But ultimately, I don't lust after that body type. I know this all sounds quite crude and reductionist to body parts, but that's how ultimately I know I'm straight. Whereas I think the slightest hint of "she's gorgeous" or "her boobs look luscious in that top" = "yeh I'm totally bisexual" (with husband by her side)

I hope my question isn’t thought to be crude, or offensive, or judgemental but it is an AMA thread….

When did you label yourself as not a virgin anymore? How far did things have to go before you lost that label?

I only ask as my niece (who is 16) asked me recently why a female couple who can only perform foreplay (I.e no penile penetration) can be classed as having had sex and no longer being a virgin, whereas a male/female couple who do exactly the same acts are classed as not* having had sex and are still virgins.

Does that make sense?

I genuinely had no idea what to say to her ☹️

She asked if it was related to “going all the way” and that as lesbians can’t have PIV, foreplay generally is them “going all the way”, whereas with male/female partnership, PIV is considered “all the way”.

I hope this isn’t offensive, it genuinely isn’t meant to be, I just wish I could have answered my niece’s questions with a more accurate and thought out response. I was caught on the spot and I was hopeless really ☹️

I ask this question as a bisexual woman, who has engaged in sexual activities with women, but I don’t class it as sex because there was no PIV. What she and I did is what I was doing for months and months with my first boyfriend until we had PIV, and it was only at the point of PIV was it that I classed myself as no longer being a virgin. My niece doesn’t know I’m bisexual hence why I couldn’t bring my own experiences into our conversation.

I would really appreciate your thoughts, and the thoughts of anyone else who has been in a similar situation. I just feel disappointed in myself for looking so ignorant when my niece spoke to me.