I’m a gay woman, as me anything!

[Flowery41]

Shoot!

Have your experiences with men been uniformly pleasant?

I know of 2 cases where women in their 50's have blown up their families by leaving their husband for a woman, both for much younger woman. Talk about leaving it late to get out of the closet!
Obviously they are free to do as they please but one of them has a DC that doesn't talk to her anymore . They seem super pleased with themselves, and are constantly on SM with "love is love " type stuff, despite the DC who won't speak to them.

I know people get divorced all the time, and obviously it had all the financial ramifications as well - selling family home etc; but if I was the ex-DH I'd feel that the whole 20 year marriage was a sham. Would you?

Any chance you could answer my questions.

Thanks

I have a lot of empathy for a woman whose husband came out as gay recently and left her for a man. I can’t imagine what she must have been through but she has stayed on great terms with him. Parenting together and building a friendship. His kids have adapted. I fully support him. You only get one life, and people break up all the time.

I think that’s the right approach to take. Why shouldn’t they be happy and loved up? If their (I assume adult) DC won’t speak to them that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve to be happy.

Yes, I’d feel like the relationship was a sham if they said they were 100% gay and not bi, and that’s sad for their husband but as an outsider I wouldn’t judge them because once they realised they were gay it is 100% right that they leave. People leave for all kinds of reasons

That sounds a little bit predatory. Is it?

Been reading a lot about tops and bottom with gay men, is it the same with lesbians?

I've enjoyed reading this thread. Thank you for your openness. I read a lot of happiness and joy in it - that's refreshing, in amongst the usual MN posts, full of angst, woe or carping! 🙂

When my husband left me for another woman, my over-riding feeling was that my marriage was a sham. It felt deeply personal; I wasn't good enough for him. I think I'd have been happier if he'd have left me for a man - less like I was at fault!

I do have a friend who left her husband for a woman, much to her surprise (!), in later life. She and her ex-husband get on really well, far better than any ex-couple I know. I think I understand that...

Do you children called you and your wife mum or are you different names?

OP’s answered from her perspective, I’m
just adding here. The distinction between maleness and masculinity is important here. Maleness refers to biological sex—and is tied to physical traits like reproductive anatomy. Masculinity, however, is about traits or behaviours society often associates with being "manly" like confidence, assertiveness, or physical strength.
When you see lesbians with short hair or wearing traditionally male clothing, it doesn’t mean they are not biological females. It just means their expression and style may be more masculine. Lesbians are attracted to female people and female bodies regardless of whether they express themselves in a traditionally feminine or masculine way. Of course, personal preferences always come into play for individuals, as they do for everyone regardless of sexuality.
Also, you probably notice butch lesbians more because they don’t blend in like lesbians with a more feminine style.

You thought that correcting the spelling on this comment was appropriate? It's very clear what she meant and has experienced a deep, appalling trauma.

It's unkind to fixate on a spelling mistake rather than the contents of the comment.

Do you bring your girlfriend/wife to girls nights out / dinners etc because she is female, or leave her at home because you are going out with friends and they aren’t bringing their (mostly male) partners?

I'll have to disagree with you I'm afraid.

Nobody was divisive and judgemental at all. These two women had been friends since school. Their sexuality literally just wasn't a "thing". This is what I mean about the modern movement, it seems almost like it's back to being a "thing". I get that having a sexuality that Is a minority will have unique challenges and life experiences , but does ones sexuality always have to be at the forefront of every interaction ? It just feels a little like (for some , not all ) that 'inclusion and acceptance ' isn't the aim anymore.

This 👌🏼

I agree. Particularly amongst gay men. They don't have to talk that way, they have the same vocal chords as other men, they dont have to dress a particular way, they don't have to have the affectations and over the top mannerisms. Of course they can, but they don't have to , they CHOOSE to. I sometimes wonder why. It comes across as very "look at me". Anyway probs going to get slated for that. Some lesbian woman do it too. I mean just put a sign on your head and be done with it.
Privately I think some LGB are a bit peeved at not being "special" anymore and so over exaggerate ( admittedly people in the public eye are by far and away the worst for this).

Is it that nobody really gives a feck who you're ( general "you" assuming all adults) shagging so it needs to be displayed outwardly ? Or am I completely on the wrong track OP @Flowery41 ?

It's not my AMA.

I don’t hate men at all and it wouldn’t be my experience that lesbians hate women, there may be a bit of a joke that luckily we don’t have to put up with some of the things our straight friends do.

I have 2 sons and they are almost adults, I’ve had the most wonderful experience parenting them.

im not sure if would are more attuned but certainly I’d say both my sons know they can be whoever they want. At this point both have girlfriends

For work? Lol

When I hear stories like that I feel sorry for both parties, I don’t think the whole marriage has been a scam as genuinely realising your gay can be a complete lightbulb moment. If she married him knowing she was gay that’s a different story.

Crikey! You don't think CB looks and dresses in a masculine way?

Yes

Yes those labels are used in the lesbian world too but less rigid I would say

They call us both mum now as they are older but we were mummy and mum for the first lot of years

Honestly, I find them hard to understand sometimes and wouldn’t be for me. I have friends with a 20+ year age gap who are in totally different stages of life