I am a submissive woman, married to my Dominant. We practice 24/7 lifestyle D/s.

[BellaDelBosco]

A fellow mumsnetter suggested it would be interesting for me to post an AMA and here I am.

I ran a search in previous AMAs and I believe this subject has not been tackled. There was a previous thread from a male submissive and a tradwife but I do not think there is one written by a submissive woman. I mean, there was a poor masochist sub who tried to start a conversation but did not quite go to plan and she did not come back on the thread. I hope this attempt will generate an interesting discussion and I'll be able to dispel some myths.

The context: I have been married to my Dominant for over twenty years and we are still very very much in love, in fact we are totally enthralled by each other. We met in an unusual setting but not specifically BDSM-oriented. I had previous experience and it was I who suggested this setup, which was really clarifying and expressing a dynamic already present in our relationship. We had couple counselling, read books and we still work at our relationship every day.

Why this could be interesting: BDSM references are more and more present, in TV programs and social media. There are whole series dedicated to it (Netflix Bonding) It's relatively easy to gather experiences from professionals in the field, esp. Dominants, but to hear the true voices of people who have made this as a lifestyle choice throughout the years it is harder. There are also false narratives of BDSM that are portrayed by erotic literature but, again, the lived experience of real life couples is different. My life is very similar to an ordinary life in many ways but it has also some not ordinary aspects, that I am willing to open up.

My boundaries: this is what we call a 'hard limit': I am going to respond to questions related to sexual habits only in a very broad, general way as 1. this is not the place and 2. it is mainly a relationship style, and it is a spiritual relationship, the sexual aspect is a byproduct and a means of communication of other aspects. I am also not going to respond to DMs. If you have questions please ask on the thread. Finally, another point of interesting discussion could be how this lifestyle has brought us to be still so happy together through the decades when many marriages and in divorce within a few years.

The timings: I live a structured, busy life so please do not be alarmed if I'm not responding immediately.

edited as I caught a typo.

How would you feel if this was your daughter ? You seem to be glamourising it, but I think we can all see this for what it is. Control
and abuse.

I can't comprehend being enthralled and enslaved by some bloke.
Theres bound to be a better one among the 4 billion of them.
'give myself to him unconditionally' -this is disturbing. I couldn't respect such a male.

Is this AI? Something about it feels a bit odd.

How does this play out in public settings. Works do, visiting friends parents etc parents evenings

Its not often I am so shocked and disgusted I feel the need to comment, but why on earth would you accept this for yourself? Have you ever seen a Psychologist? It feels like there is much much more behind your behaviour than you are saying here which is fair enough, but please don't talk about you being a slave to your husband as if its a positive thing.

I know what you mean about AI, i was thinking this too.

It's a joy!

Thank you for your answers, and your patience on this thread! I wish you lots of happiness x

@GreenClock, no problem at all, thank you for talking to me.

What was your home life like when you were a child/teen? Do you think it’s informed your decision to live as you are? Oh absolutely YES that's something I explored a lot in therapy. In a nutshell: yes I have trauma and a history of violence as a young person. My therapist helped me to move on from that and reclaim the trauma in a safe way. My relationship reclaims a lot of horrible things that have happened to me in a safe space and turns them into 'play' and love.

I am loved, respected, listened to. I am happy.

Are you using this thread as part of this?

Yes, must be a really uncomfortable position for him.

@gardenmusic it's disturbing. I have no idea why anyone would get their kicks from domestic abuse.

Many of us on here have suffered similar relationships but without the consent. Domestic abuse role play is disturbing

Absolutely!

😂

My thoughts exactly. The OP's posts sound like the fantasies of a bored 1st year sociology student.

I like the subversion of it all.

What the subversion of a patriarchal society by play acting a patriarchal relationship. 😂

Frankly even if 50 shades is a shit book you cannot argue with any evidence (and if there is I'd like to see a source) it's the author's fault for the existence of domestic violence.

Some subs get off on criticism and disapproval. They enjoy being denigrated.

So Op, I did ask, can he fuck another woman if you don't want him to?

Can I ask how this differs to a controlling relationship? My dad controls the finances (even tho both my parents work) tells me mum what to do.

My mum's mum had an incredibly controlling relationship where her husband didn't even know what to eat from the fridge without her telling him. His entire life was strictly controlled.

How is your relationship different would you say? It feels more voluntary somehow, or the control is a bit more play/pretend. But interested in your thoughts

Whatever people's opinions on this kind of dynamic, I think it's important to remember that it's an Ask-Me-Anything, not an opportunity to have a go, scold or criticise. And that troll hunting is against the rules.

Why are you not answering specific questions you just seem to be using buzzwords and moving on.

Are you having to ask permission to answer questions?

Cmon op, we are all dying to know how he’s sitting holding you whilst you’re on the floor and he’s on the sofa…😂

'I am loved, respected, listened to. I am happy.'

@BellaDelBosco

If your husband is next to you, ask him how, as a loving man who wants the best for you, respects you, can be happy to have you sat on a cushion like a pet. Even my dog is currently sat snoozing on the settee. How can he find 'joy' in you being uncomfortable?