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AMA

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I am a submissive woman, married to my Dominant. We practice 24/7 lifestyle D/s.

705 replies

BellaDelBosco · 20/06/2024 17:17

A fellow mumsnetter suggested it would be interesting for me to post an AMA and here I am.

I ran a search in previous AMAs and I believe this subject has not been tackled. There was a previous thread from a male submissive and a tradwife but I do not think there is one written by a submissive woman. I mean, there was a poor masochist sub who tried to start a conversation but did not quite go to plan and she did not come back on the thread. I hope this attempt will generate an interesting discussion and I'll be able to dispel some myths.

The context: I have been married to my Dominant for over twenty years and we are still very very much in love, in fact we are totally enthralled by each other. We met in an unusual setting but not specifically BDSM-oriented. I had previous experience and it was I who suggested this setup, which was really clarifying and expressing a dynamic already present in our relationship. We had couple counselling, read books and we still work at our relationship every day.

Why this could be interesting: BDSM references are more and more present, in TV programs and social media. There are whole series dedicated to it (Netflix Bonding) It's relatively easy to gather experiences from professionals in the field, esp. Dominants, but to hear the true voices of people who have made this as a lifestyle choice throughout the years it is harder. There are also false narratives of BDSM that are portrayed by erotic literature but, again, the lived experience of real life couples is different. My life is very similar to an ordinary life in many ways but it has also some not ordinary aspects, that I am willing to open up.

My boundaries: this is what we call a 'hard limit': I am going to respond to questions related to sexual habits only in a very broad, general way as 1. this is not the place and 2. it is mainly a relationship style, and it is a spiritual relationship, the sexual aspect is a byproduct and a means of communication of other aspects. I am also not going to respond to DMs. If you have questions please ask on the thread. Finally, another point of interesting discussion could be how this lifestyle has brought us to be still so happy together through the decades when many marriages and in divorce within a few years.

The timings: I live a structured, busy life so please do not be alarmed if I'm not responding immediately.

edited as I caught a typo.

OP posts:
BellaDelBosco · 20/06/2024 18:32

Churchview · 20/06/2024 17:34

Enthralled as in fascinated by each other or enthralled as in enslaved?

You sound very direct and dominant in your OP. How much of your true self do you have to bury deep down to live the way you do?

Enthralled as in endlessly fascinated. I'm the enslaved one.

My true self is complex and complicated and I'd be surprised if it was so easy to come out in a four-paragraphs post, but thank you for the insight. I'll think more about it.

OP posts:
MartyFunkhouser · 20/06/2024 18:33

Are you allowed off the floor when you have visitors or your children are there?

Do you ever just think it’s a bit silly?

MinnieCauldwell · 20/06/2024 18:34

What if he wanted to bring another person intl your relationship? Can you say no? Would they get to sit on the sofa? Genuinely want to know.

ohxmastreeohxmastree · 20/06/2024 18:34

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

gardenmusic · 20/06/2024 18:35

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Sillystrumpet · 20/06/2024 18:36

How do your kids not know if you aren’t even allowed on the sofa and need to sit on the floor. Do you not feel humiliated?

MinnieCauldwell · 20/06/2024 18:36

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It crossed my mind TBH

Sillystrumpet · 20/06/2024 18:36

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I find it disturbing yes.

TiddlyCove · 20/06/2024 18:37

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Of course we can never know who anyone is on the internet, but I should think a male fantasist would be more likely to elicit others' anecdotes than answer questions.

Sillystrumpet · 20/06/2024 18:37

TiddlyCove · 20/06/2024 18:37

Of course we can never know who anyone is on the internet, but I should think a male fantasist would be more likely to elicit others' anecdotes than answer questions.

Yeah not sure about that.

BetterBee · 20/06/2024 18:38

Are you like this just in private? For example if you have guests over would you still sit on the cushion? Or out in a park would your husband sit on the bench and you the floor?

Priority1234 · 20/06/2024 18:38

@gardenmusic Yes. Weird tone.

DoggoSnooze · 20/06/2024 18:38

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Uricon2 · 20/06/2024 18:38

Removed as this was a sincere post but I think the OP basically wants to talk about how great her relationship is.

MartyFunkhouser · 20/06/2024 18:39

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Yes, I do.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 20/06/2024 18:39

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Quite.

For what it's worth...

OP, I see you have had depression in the past and are low contact with your family. How can you trust yourself to realise this is an extremely unhealthy dynamic? It genuinely sounds like Stockholm syndrome to me. You seek to be at great pains to point out how utterly wondrous it all is, which to me is actually quite unhealthy in itself.

Sillystrumpet · 20/06/2024 18:40

I try to put my partner first at all times, but I know he puts me first as well for the care and emotional stability he provides

he’s not putting you first if he makes you sit on the floor like a dog.

MissAmbrosia · 20/06/2024 18:40

Does he put the bins out or otherwise do anything useful in the house?

BellaDelBosco · 20/06/2024 18:40

@QueenMummyTheFirst

Thank you for the thread. - thank you for your questions :)

How does this work in every day life? Do you wait on him hand and foot, or does he pull his weight around the house? So on Sundays we clean the house together, but during the week I do some extra stuff - because I like it! I love cooking and then washing up, it's a joy! My beloved husband does other stuff that he finds a joy like being in charge of all the house finances, so it's a lot more collaborative than it seems.

Does he make you a cup of tea, put the bins out...etc? He makes a cup of tea and takes it to bed for me every morning because he leaves the house really early for work whereas I work from home. I love mowing the lawn and putting the bins out.

Did you ask permission to start this thread? Yes, he agreed it was ok for me to communicate as long as people were not hurting me and being mean to me (I have very thin skin) and he is with me now holding me whilst we watch England (well one of us is watching England more than the other).

OP posts:
DojaPhat · 20/06/2024 18:40

Sillystrumpet · 20/06/2024 18:40

I try to put my partner first at all times, but I know he puts me first as well for the care and emotional stability he provides

he’s not putting you first if he makes you sit on the floor like a dog.

She likes it, she said.

DoggoSnooze · 20/06/2024 18:42

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Kirstk · 20/06/2024 18:42

*submissive

MissAmbrosia · 20/06/2024 18:42

Nobody loves putting the bins out.

MinnieCauldwell · 20/06/2024 18:43

How is he holding you Op as he is on the sofa and you have your special cushion...

MartyFunkhouser · 20/06/2024 18:43

MissAmbrosia · 20/06/2024 18:42

Nobody loves putting the bins out.

😂