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AMA

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I am a submissive woman, married to my Dominant. We practice 24/7 lifestyle D/s.

705 replies

BellaDelBosco · 20/06/2024 17:17

A fellow mumsnetter suggested it would be interesting for me to post an AMA and here I am.

I ran a search in previous AMAs and I believe this subject has not been tackled. There was a previous thread from a male submissive and a tradwife but I do not think there is one written by a submissive woman. I mean, there was a poor masochist sub who tried to start a conversation but did not quite go to plan and she did not come back on the thread. I hope this attempt will generate an interesting discussion and I'll be able to dispel some myths.

The context: I have been married to my Dominant for over twenty years and we are still very very much in love, in fact we are totally enthralled by each other. We met in an unusual setting but not specifically BDSM-oriented. I had previous experience and it was I who suggested this setup, which was really clarifying and expressing a dynamic already present in our relationship. We had couple counselling, read books and we still work at our relationship every day.

Why this could be interesting: BDSM references are more and more present, in TV programs and social media. There are whole series dedicated to it (Netflix Bonding) It's relatively easy to gather experiences from professionals in the field, esp. Dominants, but to hear the true voices of people who have made this as a lifestyle choice throughout the years it is harder. There are also false narratives of BDSM that are portrayed by erotic literature but, again, the lived experience of real life couples is different. My life is very similar to an ordinary life in many ways but it has also some not ordinary aspects, that I am willing to open up.

My boundaries: this is what we call a 'hard limit': I am going to respond to questions related to sexual habits only in a very broad, general way as 1. this is not the place and 2. it is mainly a relationship style, and it is a spiritual relationship, the sexual aspect is a byproduct and a means of communication of other aspects. I am also not going to respond to DMs. If you have questions please ask on the thread. Finally, another point of interesting discussion could be how this lifestyle has brought us to be still so happy together through the decades when many marriages and in divorce within a few years.

The timings: I live a structured, busy life so please do not be alarmed if I'm not responding immediately.

edited as I caught a typo.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 16/10/2024 20:15

DoraExplor3r · 16/10/2024 20:07

Thank you OP I am a dominant woman who is currently negotiating a lifestyle D/s arrangement with my partner and this thread has been really interesting and helpful, I am finding it difficult to find good, real resources to navigate this stage of our lives as there’s a lot of erotica but little about the problems and issues that people face when deciding to live in a power exchange relationship. I’ve registered just to read your posts, I haven’t bothered with the full thread but I’ll read it all in the next few days.

You may find this book helpful.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dy9YX_uVBjGma0-54i11xwPR4SeNLvEK/view?pli=1

It's linked from the author's blog:

http://rwddh.blogspot.com/p/the-book.html

Rwddh.pdf

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dy9YX_uVBjGma0-54i11xwPR4SeNLvEK/view?pli=1

DoraExplor3r · 17/10/2024 06:27

Thank you @MissConductUS, I will have a look it looks great even if we are in a same sex relationship and the book you suggest seems geared towards heterosexual couples.

my girlfriend and I are relatively active in our own community, we live in a large European city, but the BDSM community here is younger than us, poly and mainly focused on impact and pick up play, and we are not particularly interested in either (and fetlife’s resources are old guard) so I have enjoyed the resources that the OP, and now you, have provided so far.

DoraExplor3r · 17/10/2024 07:02

I have now read the whole thread and I’m very disappointed on how women could react so poorly to another woman’s choice. Most of the thread was childish, ignorant and petulant. I cannot blame the OP for not coming back to it even if I wish she did, I have so many questions,

anyway this is clearly not a safe soacr for people like us.

MissConductUS · 17/10/2024 11:39

DoraExplor3r · 17/10/2024 07:02

I have now read the whole thread and I’m very disappointed on how women could react so poorly to another woman’s choice. Most of the thread was childish, ignorant and petulant. I cannot blame the OP for not coming back to it even if I wish she did, I have so many questions,

anyway this is clearly not a safe soacr for people like us.

I do hope you find at least parts of that book helpful, @DoraExplor3r.

I have tried to explain numerous times that submission does not equal accepting oppression and abuse. I have also pointed out that no one was castigating me or calling me an abuser because I am in a power exchange relationship with my submissive husband. Apparently, MN's vaunted open-mindedness and tolerance don't extend to people like us.

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 18/10/2024 18:24

We all have a difference of opinions here and most women feel this has taken us back to something we don’t want we have I hope evolved. As doing this 24/7 it isn’t normal it’s normally for the bedroom only.

D/s conjures a lot of things up and for some we see the woman as the slave not a sub with no autonomy.

or worse the man/ woman pretends to be a Dom but he/she isnt just a garden variety abuser, many on here will know that dynamic with mainly men as the abuser.

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