I'm 51, my lover is 81 - AMA

[Gerontophile]

NC for this. I know MN as a whole has views on relationships with large age gaps so thought people might be interested. Or just curious.

@Snowdogsmitten @janeintheframe I get that. Some of my friends have said similar. People are attracted to who they're attracted to (or not). I certainly didn't start this thread to persuade everyone that sex with octogenarian men is the way forward (anyway, there wouldn't be enough to go round 😊).

Ok…

Very common indeed in some cases,

Has he left you anything in his Will?

What would you do if he has left you everything? Just assume he has done this and kept it a secret?

As far as I know, his will is the same as it was before I met him (as is mine). His children will inherit. He's no reason to leave me anything, and I wouldn't expect or want him to.

How did that even happen as he can no longer function naturally and needs viagra, which takes up to an hour to work?

The OP isn't married to him or lives with him. If he needed care then surely if he has money and Sons it wouldn't be up to her to provide care.

It wasn't PIV. It was still sex.

🫢

Um sex by definition actually includes piv, it’s the very definition. Whatever you did wasn’t sex. Foreplay, oral sex, I mean I really really don’t want to know, but you were not shagging or having sex.

I feel quite bad about it, sort of, but I really don’t feel ok about the age gap. I’m sorry, OP. I’m glad you’re happy, but I think there’s more to this underneath it all.

Sex means sexual activity. PIV is sexual intercourse.

OP, how often is he able to perform? (or to put it another way, how often do you have PIV sex?)

If he is providing orgasms then job's a good un! 😀

The OP isn't married to him or lives with him. If he needed care then surely if he has money and Sons it wouldn't be up to her to provide care.

I'm aware they don't live together and aren't married

But I like to think most people wouldn't dump and run if their partners developed an illness or became disabled - and as that's exponentially more likely for someone in their eighties than in their fifties, I was wondering how OP felt about it.

Nah, not to me it doesn’t, if I say I had sex with a man I mean I had sex.

*janeintheframe' so you mean for you oral sex isn't sex? What is it then? If it involve arousal and exchange of intimate fluids, it's sex, how else would you term it? There might be a first base or stage / second base, but still all part of sex.
Anyway that response was to my question about who initiated transition from friendship - having oral sex on he floor is transition enough!😁

janeintheframe , I meant.

No, I’d not simply say “He invited me round for coffee and we ended up having sex on his living room floor! I think I made it clear I was up for it, but he was no shrinking violet!” When we simply engaged in heavy petting/oral, and especially when the man is far too old to get an erection. As it would indicate to me piv.

and honestly, I really don’t even want to think about that in this context. Of going to this elderly gents home for a coffee , letting him know you were up for sexual activity, and then getting on the floor, so he could go down on you. As I assume it is only one way, as the other bears thinking about even less.

How did you meet? PS Good for you, he sounds great 😊

You are getting some real rude responses here OP, what a shame.

However, am finding all those using sick emojis and saying how gross it is assuming they could ever be in your position anyway...age does not equal attractiveness.

On the matter of older male bodies...

Over the past couple of years I've nursed two men, separately, privately in their own homes so I spent some time with them close up over a period of weeks, one was 81 other 82. Coincidentally both looked very alike! They were tall, muscular with handsome faces; really good physiques with no droopy buttocks or bellies.

Both fine figures of men - real alpha males! If they were in good health they'd have no trouble in attracting women.

Unfortunately one had had dementia for the past couple of years.

I've tried to keep this thread good-humoured, even when people have been extremely rude, but, weirdly, a minority of posters seem either offended by, or suspicious of, my relationship with another consenting adult. I don't know why and I don't care. By all means be disgusted - you have every right to feel as you do - but this was an AMA not an AIBU and I don't need to fight my corner, so I'm bowing out now. Thanks for the questions, all.

This is very unusual for anyone in their 80s to be muscular with good physiques.

Well yes, of course . Your situation is very unusual you must have known this or you’d not have started a thread. You’ve asked people to ask you questions about the fact you’re sleeping with an 81 year old man, and got down on the floor when you first went for coffee and it appears let him perform oral on you, after you letting him know you were up for it, what do you think reactions will be?

of course they will go from you go girl, to yeah that’s disturbing.

You're not asking questions, you're just commenting on stuff to try and make the op feel ... I don't know? What do you want her to feel? Shame?

I don’t know who you’re talking to, but if you mean me, or anyone else who is uncomfortable with the idea of this, then no, it’s an online forum, a chat forum, people do express opinions on ama. It’s not a school vigilated exam.