I'm 51, my lover is 81 - AMA

[Gerontophile]

NC for this. I know MN as a whole has views on relationships with large age gaps so thought people might be interested. Or just curious.

Good grief. I just thought people might be interested so for the brief life of a MN thread, I chose to make it everyone's business. I was inviting questions IF people wanted to ask them.

Exactly! That would have been a show stopper for me 😫

He can manage one briefly, but it doesn't last long enough to do much with!

I heard it Peggy Mitchell style 😂

Sex isn't the most important thing - I think we'll stay friends if and when that fades - but it's a very frequent and important part of the relationship.

'Lover' - yes, for attention on this board (no point in starting a thread if it doesn't get attention), but also because 'partner' feels wrong, and 'boyfriend' definitely doesn't work for either of us. I don't usually need to come up with a word. I'd introduce/refer to him by his name.

@CharlotteMakepeace That made me LOL! There's life in the acorn yet!

@EggyBreadBrekkie yeah bitchy posts for no reason! you must be unhappy to be so nasty

This isn’t AIBU, it’s AMA.. OP isn’t asking for opinions she’s asking for questions. If you don’t have one, no need for sarky/shitty comments.
Happy that you’re happy OP. I would deffo be all over Harrison Ford even now.

I do wonder what the responses would be if the genders were reversed and it was a 51 year old man and an 81 year old woman.

Well, there's an interesting (if a bit long winded) podcast on BBC Sounds about a couple in the USA who had this sort of age gap - Intrigue: Million Dollar Lover. Carolyn is 80 and her lover/BF, Dave, is 57. It's not really your situation but raises some interesting points.

Yes if a man came on and said I’m 51 and sleeping with an 81 year old woman, and her kids are my age, I’m really not sure the responses would be good on you.

Nobody gives a fuck if a man of 51 and woman of 81 shag. Why would we? Two mature people having sex, whatever.

What problem do you think people would have with it? Because I think your making that up.

Is it Joe Biden?

My response would be exactly the same either way, which is that it's really nobody else's business.

The only rational reason to find it concerning would be if there was an abuse of power - eg if the 81-year-old man/woman was a dementia patient and or otherwise vulnerable, that would be an issue. But that would also be an issue if they were the same age as the other partner.

I thought he was older than that 😂

Are you Catherine Zeta Jones by any chance? Lol

Good point! I’m an academic - hopefully ageing well too. My theory is that it’s due, at least in part, to spending a lot of time with bright, engaged, young people, constant exposure to new ideas and ways of thinking, and being interested and absorbed in work. It would also help explain why OP’s partner has fewer gender stereotyped roles than many men his age. He would have worked with peers who are women in a progressive ‘political’ environment.

That's the same age gap as me and my DH. We've been together over a decade and are the happiest people we know. 💗 When you're ridiculously compatible, nothing else matters.

OP, I was interested to see you write that if the sex wore off at some point in the future, you could "just stay friends." Does that mean it's a really important cornerstone of your relationship?

🤣 I wondered that but you’d have to add another decade for dear old Rupes. Plus he has daughters who probably would NOT be chilled about it!

@Rangelife my dad was an academic and so we’re many of his friends. Never met a more opinionated, neurotic bunch- historians, if that makes any difference.

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=history+today%2C+the+mary+whitehiuse+experience&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari&safe=active#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:bcf61f13,vid:E-3vM32kat4,st:0 this gives a flavour of the man

I think it's probably (as with anything) a combination of things but definitely spending time with different people and thinkers, lively debates etc will keep you curious. I work in health research so they generally tend to be health conscious and really think about what they put in their bodies, movement etc. There's also the aspect of being pretty well paid in the scheme of things, poverty is after all an excellent way of ageing someone! OP's partner is comfortable financially...always a signaller!

is he a rock star?

So you're kicking off about the word 'darling' used as bit of fun but think it's okay to call me (by inference) a 'bitch'? @Fleetheart and say I'm unhappy and nasty.

Maybe your post should be deleted for crossing boundaries.

I wouldn't fancy an elderly man with saggy man boobs, a belly , saggy bum, saggy balls, varicose veins, grey pubes.

A man in his fifties can have all those 😂 and I'm not saying you'd fancy them personally, but plenty of them are married.

True but cmon there is a difference between an 80 year old and a 50 year old.