I'm 51, my lover is 81 - AMA

[Gerontophile]

NC for this. I know MN as a whole has views on relationships with large age gaps so thought people might be interested. Or just curious.

No, I just thought it would be a good username for the thread. And we certainly do!

really?

Do you find him physically attractive?

@janeintheframe I’m not really sure why you’re asking, I’m close to your age, but blokes in their 80s don’t do it for me, they do you. And that’s fine. Carry on.

You don't really understand how AMA works do you

I don't really think much about it tbh. I'm not saying I'd abandon him, but we don't live together and I don't think his family would expect it of me. And, as you say, it could happen at any age. A friend's husband has just been diagnosed with MND in his 40s, so....

Is it a long term relationship and if so, are you prepared for the fact that his remaining life is likely to be much shorter than yours?

Yes, he's a very handsome man. People usually think he's 10 years younger than he is (which I appreciate is still ancient in some people's eyes!).

I don’t think I have ever seen anyone on MN object to a woman of 51 having a casual relationship with some much older.

Its not like you are 21 and him, 51.

If you wanted to get married and settle down with him, I would imagine there would be mentions of him dying soon or probably spending your 60s caring for him. But even then it would only be because you asked for peoples opinions.

But that’s not what this is. My question would be why do you think people will have an issue with it?

Can I ask, does he have a body of an old man? Is there anything you find off-putting about a physically aged body.

We discovered we shared a sense of humour, which is always important to me, and it grew from there, but I fancied him anyway. Yes, I think people would say he's attractive. He has a bit of a local female fan club! And yes, his mind is as sharp as any man of my age I know.

He has two sons, both of whom seem fine with it. I sometimes wonder if daughters would think differently, but as things stand we all get on well.

Is there anything you’re not compatible about and how does this affect the relationship?

Are your parents alive and do they know about him?

This is AMA. I didn't start the thread because I thought people would have an issue, I started it because I thought people might want to, you know, ask me things...

What about socializing? Do you both socialise with your friends and his? Thanks

That's an interesting question. He's physically fit but he certainly doesn't have the body of a younger man. But mine doesn't stand up to scrutiny very well, either! There's nothing about his body that puts me off - I think when you're with someone and you fancy them, you don't really take notice of physical flaws, do you? They're all part of the person.

Is he famous?

Quite a lot of oldies have ditched their wives in favour of a new model- eg Melvyn Bragg.

Do you fancy young men still?

- I think when you're with someone and you fancy them, you don't really take notice of physical flaws, do you?

Well, only if their physical flaws mean you aren't turned off them!

I wouldn't fancy an elderly man with saggy man boobs, a belly , saggy bum, saggy balls, varicose veins, grey pubes.

But whatever floats your boat, darling.

'As long as you're happy then you crack on, it's nobody else's business really'
You replied 'I think the same' to this comment, yet started a thread asking people to question you? 🥴

Is his name Rupert?

It passes the half plus seven rule. There are some men who you would think ugh about such a relationship, though to be honest there are some who should remain single forever.

Ah ok, I see.

Then I suppose you said ‘mns has views on age gap relationships’, what view did you expect people to have?

Does he behave as though he can't believe his luck? And is that flattery part of the attraction?
Is part of it the novelty factor and feeling you're doing something taboo?

No, my parents both died several years ago.

I wouldn't say not compatible, but I do sometimes need to make allowances for the fact that society was very different when he was growing up than when I was. The role of women is different. The media is different. Children are treated differently. But it makes for interesting conversations.

Do you worry about him dying?