My daughter is transgender- ask me anything

[EvelynTent]

Please be kind!

There is a word that I think I will be deleted for if I use it on here.

4 letters begins with a C and ends with a T and isn't cunt.

That is what this is akin to.

How anyone can be proud that their autistic child has been brainwashed to the point of not having sexual function is beyond me. But if you get in that deep I suppose it's hard to retract.

@IdleAnimations
No, genuinely, ask me anything. You don't have to agree with me any more than I have to agree with you. I can share my experience and try to understand yours. If we don't agree, that's fine - we can still treat each other with courtesy.

@lifeturnsonadime

I'm neither proud nor ashamed.

But you're not horrified?

I would be.

He's given up so much.

By that I mean you don't feel sad for what he's missing?

I hope one day he doesn't blame you for this.

He's autistic and vulnerable and you just went along with it.

Actually given that this is AMA do you read detransitioners stories and does it worry you that one day he might regret the hormone therapy that has led to him not having sexual function.

He made this decision before his brain is fully formed do you not think he was owed a duty of care about making this decision?

@IdleAnimations
Also, I would just clarify, if you read all of my posts, I do think neurodiversity may play a part and I do understand the issues of sex-based rights and safety. I also think transgender people have rights and a need for safety and I recognise that there is a tension between those and the rights of biological females. I don't wish to be hostile towards anyone who disagrees with me - I would love to be able to debate these issues with courtesy, compassion and a spirit of mutual respect. I'm not perfect and may sometimes express myself clumsily, but my aim, sincerely, is to be constructive.

Can you see that there can be no middle ground?

By allowing any male, including your son, in single sex spaces you allow all of them in.

This can and has caused harm to women and children (such as the victims of Katy Dolotowski).

Why do you think the safety of women and children is less important than that of trans women like your son who are not unsafe using facilities that match their sex?

@lifeturnsonadime
Yes, I worry about all of those things. Based on what I've seen so far, she is happier and is doing what seems right for her.

'so far'.

Most detransitioners were fine with it to start with.

Most human's will come to a point when they crave sexuality. Your son has been denied his.

Jazz Jennings has been quite outspoken about the loss of their sexuality as I am sure you are aware.

No doubt the counsellor who advised affirmation explained the risks to him? If not I'd be furious.

Did you know the risks ? or have you learnt about this in retrospect?

@lifeturnsonadime

I don't think the safety of women and children is less important, not at all. I don't agree with self ID and I have many concerns about how to protect biological females. I also have a child who is transgender and who I know is not a danger to anyone. It is not an easy position to be in. I understand the fears and concerns of gender-critical people and I think we need to think carefully as a society about how to balance these issues.

All males are a risk to women. Even the nice ones.

That's how safeguarding works. We don't let my lovely Dad or uncle come into women's spaces because good men know that they stay out to keep the bad one's out.

Your son doesn't. He is therefore a predatory male and you encourage it.

Yes,
I'm aware of the risks and have discussed these things at length with my daughter who, remember, is an adult.

Just out of childhood and vulnerable and autistic when affirmed.

Awful.

There is NO solution that simultaneously allows transwomen the validation they require and also allows women single sex spaces.
It doesn't matter how peacefully, or what compassion and mutual respect is applied to the constructive debate.
It's pointless.
It's a choice between giving 4 billion people on the planet their hard fought for women's rights, or giving a few thousand men what they want.

I'm trying to think of an analogy. '
'Let's peacefully debate, with mutual respect, how to get this square peg in to this round hole.'
'But it doesn't fit'
'Well let's just debate it peacefully to find a solution'
'But it doesn't fit you twit'
'Let's not be hostile now. I wanted a constructive debate.'

Fab that your son isn't a danger to anyone.

Here's the stats from the last census- 1 in every 585 transwomen are convicted sex offenders in England and Wales. This compares to 1 in every 2500-3000 men and to 1 in every 243,000 women.

Can you let us know please how we should know that your son is one of the 584?

@EvelynTent I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.

My son (17) has been on the receiving end of transphobic abuse in the toilets at school and told he's in the wrong toilets in public. (He's not trans, just a boy with long hair who wasn't overly masculine looking a few years ago)

He now won't use public toilets because they set his anxiety off. Except one occasion recently when he would have wet himself otherwise. He used the mens.

I'm as certain as I can be that he isn't a danger to women and children.

But its still not acceptable for him to use the female toilets. Because he's male.
Please can you explain why you think it's acceptable for your male child to use them? Or do you think my lovely, kind, gentle male child should also be allowed in the female toilets? And if not what's the difference other than some undefinable gender feel?

@arethereanyleftatall
I can't prove it any more than any man on the street can prove he's not a sex offender. I understand the need for safe spaces, I also see for myself the reality of my daughter's experience.

But given that your son is not unsafe in men's facilities why do you think he should use the women's when his presence enables the presence of all males thus making women unsafe?

Why is his 'experience' more significant to you than the victims of trans women in women's single sex spaces such as a 10 year old girl who was sexually assaulted by Katy Dolotowski in the toilets of Morrisons?

https://www.scotsman.com/regions/edinburgh-fife-and-lothians/female-spaces-need-better-protection-after-trans-woman-sex-assault-on-girl-say-campaigners-140883

@Terfosaurus
I'm so sorry to hear what happened to your son.

My daughter tries to avoid using public toilets because she worries about people's reaction. On the one or two times there's been no choice, she now looks so feminine that people don't notice her in the ladies but she would get a lot of strange looks in the gents so we've just gone with the easiest thing. I don't know what the legal situation is with toilets, I don't know if they're an official 'safe space' - personally I think of them as a public convenience rather than something we have a right to.

How many women and young girls need to be abused by trans women in single sex spaces for you to care about their safety enough to agree that all males (including your son) should be excluded from single sex spaces OP?

Or are these women and girls just acceptable collateral damage to your son's gender feelings?

I don't think it's acceptable for any woman to be assaulted by any man anywhere . Regarding toilets specifically, unless one is going to check the contents of everyone's underwear, I think the only realistic solution is pragmatism.

This might help you.

https://www.gov.uk/government/news/all-public-buildings-to-have-separate-male-and-female-toilets

Toilets are Single SEX spaces.

I don't know what you mean by safe space. They don't exist at law.

Ah we're at the TRA genital inspection.

No we don't need to do that. Males like your son should stay out.

Otherwise you are putting females at risk.

You know this and don't care.

https://www.historic-uk.com/CultureUK/History-of-Womens-Public-Toilets-in-Britain/

This makes interesting reading too @EvelynTent

Do you think women should be put back on the Urinary Leash to accommodate males like your son?

Do you think this is progressive?