My daughter is transgender- ask me anything

[EvelynTent]

Please be kind!

My message has been deleted for using the correct sex pronouns for a male person

CampervanKween · Today 14:03

This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Censorship continues clearly. Women on a woman's forum are not allowed to speak the truth. Terrifying.

But this isn’t a mens movement, of course not.

Noted my messages have been removed also. I don’t even believe what I said was factually incorrect or mean. Tells you all you need to know about censorship over women and how the trans movement exists to erase and silence women.

The irony is this removal of free speech for one side only, is what is fuelling the conflict!

So a poster called those pointing out reality bigots. This posts stands.

I post saying those who don't deny reality aren't bigots but this got deleted?!?! What the actual fuck.

I shall try to answer, but can only answer what my dd does:
looks fairly androgynous

• shortish hair (has lovely hair so this pisses me off 😆 )
• clothes a mix from men/women’s department so baggy jeans w vest top and shirt over. Wears knickers or boxer’s depending on outer garments or time of month!!
• doesn’t shave
• Wears make up but not in a typically ‘girly’ way - more ‘alternative’ style
• doesn't wear bra much

i have asked what non-binary Is to her & she says she feels like neither gender, just herself (or themself). I can’t pretend to understand. I’m not a particularly girly woman - much more comfortable in jeans/trainers/sweatshirt. I’m not mega in to make-up, shoes, bags (ok I like bags but not little handbags!). But I’ve never thought of myself as anything less of a woman. until you have a trans/non/binary offspring it’s easy to judge. I did. I first saw a non-binary person (child) and thought wtaf. When you are a mother of such a child (even if they’re an adult), you have to just have to be there and hope the right decisions are made. I can’t comment as to what I’d have done if dd wanted to trans as a child cos it never occurred but I’m v against puberty blockers and any medicalisation.

Does your child understand that it is absolutely impossible for a male person to become a female one, or vice versa, @EvelynTent? What worries me is the way that gender services and clinics will tell impressionable young people that they can change sex, without being clear about all the risks and side effects.

It may come to that, but dd is a penniless student and I’d never pay for surgery like that so it would be a long time coming, bu which time I’d hope her brain has matured into realising radical surgery is bonkers!! Tbh she did bind at first and I was not happy about that, but hasn’t for about 2 years. For a bra she will wear a sports bra or wear a vest top or v occasionally a decent bra if needed!!

It did for my dd - was the winter preceding the 2nd lockdown. Too much time online!

I really hope, in your daughters case, it won't cause harm.

There is nothing wrong with women and girls not conforming with stereotypes, may of us don't. It's a shame that young women and girls think that not conforming with stereotypes means they need to reject womanhood.

My Dd isn't trans, but she's fully going along with it.
She's very intelligent, but also autistic.

This 💯.

Everything Goaty said up above about their DD is a woman who doesn’t conform to stereotypes. The fact a completely normal womanhood is being erased for the non binary label because it doesn’t fit a stereotype of a ‘pretty feminine’ woman is disturbing. Also seems to affect uni students and the middle classes the most which makes me think it’s a social contagion.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
Yes, she accepts that she is biologically male. She identifies as a woman by gender not sex

I agree totally with you. I am going to visit her this weekend at uni so we may have a good chat!! We are v close, def feels like a mother/daughter relationship so it’s strange for me. I see her as v much female still.

So he knows he is not female yet he goes into single sex spaces which are for females? Even though he knows that many many women don't consent to him being there.

He is part of the problem OP, as are you.

You say that he doesn't want to make women uncomfortable op and that he would only use the female toilet if he was about to wet himself. I'm not sure I've ever seen a public female toilet without a public male toilet very close by.
You say he's intelligent. He knows the statistics then that 1 in 4 females have been sexually abused and that 99% of sexual offenders are male. So he knows that his presence in a women's toilet is likely to cause a woman in there upset.

So- WHY is he not using the males, which will be available if a females is, if he is about to wet himself?

And, regarding whether he passes or not. He is very unlikely to. If women are not saying anything, it's for one reason only. They are scared.
I mean, look at even mumsnet. Too scared to let posts saying 'he' about a male go undeleted.
Look at yourself. You know he's a he. But you are scared you'll lose his love if you say it. And that's understandable. But utterly wrong.

@arethereanyleftatall
I don't have any fear that I will lose my child's love.

@arethereanyleftatall

The only question I see in your post is about why she's using the ladies - she isn't in general, I'd say there have probably been three times in the last few years when a trip to the toilet has been unavoidable. On one of those, there was a gender neutral toilet so no issue there. On another, I went to the ladies first, checked nobody was there and she snuck in when it was empty. The third time, at an airport, we went in together and nobody appeared to notice. I understand that you find this unacceptable and in the past I might have agreed with you - but the reality of my experience and observations has forced me to reconsider.

And with that, thanks to all of you who have asked questions and I've been happy to answer them. Over and out

I'm the parent of a trans male (ie born a girl).
OP, you are very brave for putting your head above the parapet and engaging with the hostiles.
Well done for trying to inform those who lack compassion and who choose not to learn.
MN should have deleted more posts than it did.

@Namechangeparent

Thank you so much for that! Very best wishes to you and your child - I hope you're thriving!

Well being called the hostiles for wanting women and girls to have the right to be safe in single sex spaces is a new one on me.

But there you have it.

Genderism harms women and girls. Either we have to put up with males invading our spaces or we have to accept that girls who don't conform with harmful stereotypes are identifying either as males or non binary because they can't bear to be women.

This is a quasi religious belief that has NO basis in reality or fact that harms women and girls, along with male children who are being encouraged to go along with this.

We all KNOW that human's can't change sex. These poor YP are being sold a lie, some of them are being encouraged by their parents.

I feel so sorry for them.

“Ask anything but only if it’s fawning and in complete belief of my belief system with absolutely no debate on it nor recognition of issues the female sex face from the male sex nor how neurodiversity can play a part - or you’re hostile”.