My daughter is transgender- ask me anything

[EvelynTent]

Please be kind!

In what way are people abusive to you?
I don't doubt you, but I've had the most dreadful abuse for using correct sex pronouns.
I go to events where the police need to be in attendance to keep women safe.

It’s about a large majority of women not wanting male anatomy in their personal spaces. It’s about Mothers not wanting their kids told they’re born in the wrong body due to sexist stereotypes. It’s neurodiverse people such as myself seeing the new gen of NDs being fast tracked into transition with no help for their disorders. It’s that we’re being told a man with a penis knows what the female experience is because he’s wearing a skirt and we have to shut up and give him the floor to mansplain about it. It’s seeing a lot of young girls either transitioning or opting to be non binary because womanhood is such a repulsive idea to them. It’s seeing rapists put into the women’s prison estate because after raping, they decide they’re a lady and we are meant to believe them.

It’s about women being erased and told to shut up because a small subset of men don’t feel comfortable challenging what it means to be male. You love your son fine, but don’t expect all of us to welcome him into our spaces.

If they use single sex spaces for the opposite sex that is abusive imo because it is preventing females from feeling safe.

I don't care what a person wears but I do care about the impact it has on women.

Males who impose themselves on women in this way without caring about the impact on women ARE abusive.

Well, even in this thread, you can see some hostility and people implying that I'm lying or delusional about how people perceive my own child. I've had worse than this in other online fora. In person, so far, people have been OK.

I agree, but the reality of what's happening is different. I'm not sure how we got here so fast tbh.

How will I feel if he wants surgery? Not happy, but it won't be my choice.

My daughter cares very much about not causing anyone to feel uncomfortable- to the pint of paranoia. Even though she does now 'pass' she will avoid single sex spaces as much as possible. She would use a women's toilet only if the alternative was literally to wet herself. My hunch is that most transgender people feel the same way. Of course some biological men are being unreasonable, even abusive, in their demands but is by no means the same for everyone.

You'll be pleased to know that organisations like Safe Schools Alliance and many many women are lobbying to make sure that Children are not given incorrect information. https://safeschoolsallianceuk.net/

We must be able to speak the truth about it otherwise these things embed .

As to how we got here, there are threads on FWR about it. I'm not as knowledgable as many of the wonderful women over on the Sex and Gender boards but it has been a concerted effort to push genderism over the years ,in this country Stonewall is largely responsible.

If he cared he would avoid women's single sex spaces COMPLETELY.

He has a choice he could use them men's.

@IdleAnimations

You raise many concerns that I share. My daughter was 18 when she told me and is in her 20's now. No fast-tracking, no brainwashing. She is autistic but highly intelligent and knows her own mind.

Exactly. I don’t care if any man feels uncomfortable. I care about the woman next to me who needs to change a sanitary pad, maybe pump her breast milk, has a child she’s wrestling with in the cubicle who accidentally opens the door when she’s peeing, the sex assault victim, the pregnant woman or god forbid the woman having a miscarriage.

Yeah, anyone with a penis is the lowest on my list no matter how nice they are or how pretty their dress is.

Did this coincide with lockdown's at all? I wouldn't be so sure about not being brainwashed. It is possible to be both highly intelligent and vulnerable with autistic YP, i have two highly intelligent autistic teens and they are still vulnerable to influence over the internet.

No link with lockdown. We're all influenced by all sorts of things and I do worry about social contagion, especially among children. My daughter was an adult when she told me and when she started to transition

He was 18. The brain is not fully formed until a YP is 25.

Congrats, cool that you know every 18 year old boy ever

@IdleAnimations
My daughter would share your concern. I don't think a situation where any of these people would even notice, let alone be made uncomfortable, if my daughter was around. She would avoid this situation anyway.

He is showing a disregard to females in those spaces.

He is highly unlikely to pass and even if he does he shouldn't be in there as he is male.

He should use the men's.

@lifeturnsonadime
In the UK one is legally adult at 18. I don't think she's going to changed her mind, but if she does, she does.

@IdleAnimations
OK you have a right to your opinion but it's not the same as mine

No problem. But what you’re saying there to me is that your child is free to invade and colonise the word woman, their spaces and their speech but they’re polite about it so it’s okay. There is no middle ground I’m afraid as much as you wish there was.

I have a biological daughter myself and will fight tooth and nail to protect her rights.

You are clearly not concerned for your son OP.

I think what has been done to him is awful. He is an autistic YP who has been encouraged to believe a lie. A lie that will likely harm him, he has already says he can't engage in sexual activity and he may go on to harm himself further with radical elective surgeries. Despite all of this he is not and never will be a woman.

He is harming others too, because any time he uses a woman's single sex space he is saying he doesn't care about the impact of him being there on women.

He is part of an ideology that is puts rapists in women's prisons and in women's single sex NHS wards. He is part of an ideology that harms women and girls sporting opportunities.

I would have parented VERY differently and I wouldn't come out with claims that he is highly intelligent and has not been brainwashed. He believes a lie because he has been enabled by you and others around him. He has been brainwashed. It's terribly sad.

People notice.
Silence is not consent.

@lifeturnsonadime
You are entitled to your views. I agree with some of your concerns- eg women's prisons - and I think a careful, nuanced debate is needed in order to protect women's sex-based rights whilst also acknowledging the humanity of transgender people. Regarding my daughter's intelligence, sorry if I sounded like a bragging mum- her IQ has been assessed as in the top 2% so it's not just me. Regarding my parenting, your opinion is based on one issue and a Mumsnet post.

@MagpiePi
I was able to tell when people noticed in the early days. It doesn't happen any more. In reality, we don't have any way of knowing whether we notice all trans people because we don't know when we don't iy swim