My daughter is transgender- ask me anything

[EvelynTent]

Please be kind!

Sorry i am asking a lot of questions but genuinely interested. Did your dc feel unhappy with their male body and uncomfortable as a boy, or did they feel that they are actually female. Were they always gender non conforming, or did it occur in adolescence? And last one, are they attracted to men or women. Obviously you don't have to answer if these questions are too personal.

I've seen a lot of Drs mention their worry about the number of autistic individuals this seems to effect, and lack of appropriate support. I've read reports where previously it was very common for eating disorders to occur in these children, and now it is more and more often showing up as gender dysphoria/requests to change gender.
Do you think your child would have stayed their gender at birth had they been given appropriate therapies and support?
I'm not for a second implying you haven't done your job, I acknowledge there's just nothing available/ if it is, it's out of reach for most people.

If it is hate speech @greensharpie, then it really really shouldn't be. It is an opinion that the vast majority of the population believe, and if that is hate speech, where does it leave us in sorting out this conflict of interests?

Hi OP, just posting to say it's great that you support your daughter. I know trans people who live their lives happily and others who face more challenges in life, both in themselves and from others who feel that trans people shouldn't exist. I hope you're able to continue to support her and thanks for answering the questions from those who'd like to know more of what it's like to be a mum of a trans person.

I highly highly doubt that

@arethereanyleftatall Nobody is saying you have to agree with the OP's son. If you met somebody who is religious you don't have start believing in God, but it would be hate speech to call their religious belief "a mental disorder"

It can't be anything other than a mental disorder to believe you're born in the wrong body.
That's insane.

Do you and your child really think he is not perceived as a man despite (I assume) stereotypical female hair and clothes? What happens if/when people don’t affirm him?

Who is being discomforted if your child uses male toilets? From what I’ve heard, men aren’t bothered by a bloke in a dress using male toilets, and I’ve never seen evidence of violence towards transwomen in male toilets.

If he can justify using women’s toilets on those occasions when it is not avoidable, why aren’t those reasons valid at any other times ?

I don't agree at all.

We all know human's can't change sex. If OPs son actually think's they are a woman then that is a mental disorder.

Or alternatively it's a fetish (see the AGP question).

We don't all have to go along with another person's disordered thinking especially if it harms us as a sex class, which it undoubtedly does when we get women being raped in NHS single sex wards and told they couldn't have been as there was no man in the ward (amongst other examples) and women/ girls losing out on sporting opportunities because some males have come along and stolen their opportunities.

No, but I wouldn’t say I believed their religion to be polite, or to not hurt their feelings. And I wouldn’t expect them to compel me to say and act like I believed it.

At 18 many boys still look young and can look quite feminine so it's possibly. It's not the same as a 35 year old

So you're saying transgenderism is a religion-like organised belief system people have constructed rather than scientific reality?

I think I can observe how people feel around her. Early on, some people would seem uncomfortable and not know how to address her. Toilets didn't arise then because she would never use them. Now, people assume she is female - for example a waiter would say 'what would you ladies like?' So people genuinely seem to think she's female and I can't detect any discomfort. I'm not a mind-reader obviously, but it seems to be the case to me

Bollocks, literally.
All of my then 18yr old daughters male friends looked exactly like males.
Her one trans friend FtM looked exactly like an 18yr old girl with short hair.

oh come on!

If he is presenting as a woman then the waiter will have to refer to him as 'her' otherwise they will be accused of a hate crime/ and or misgendering and likely lose their job.

No one REALLY thinks your son is a woman!

Regarding the questions about sexual orientation- she feels that a sexual relationship won't be possible for her. This does cause her sadness but it's outweighed for her by her need to identify in the different gender

Now, people assume she is female - for example a waiter would say 'what would you ladies like?'

Scared of losing their job more likely. 🙄 Then these deluded people take it as evidence that they pass.

People talking about a mental disorder - she is autistic and that certainly is neurological. There is no cure or therapy for that. She had counselling when she first came out to me and she and the counsellor came to the conclusion that she is indeed transgender and needs to present in that way. If it's a disorder, the only treatment seems to be transitioning.

I’ll offer support.
My DD identifies as non/binary - has kept her original name but prefers ‘they’ as a pronoun. She is at uni so I don’t have to use it much & don’t really at home. Dh will never use ‘they’, he thinks it’s a load of BS.
But having said that I don’t really discuss the whole thing with her as it’s annoying for both of us as I come from a different viewpoint and generation, although I support, I don’t affirm. She was 18 when she ‘came out’ and also identifies as bi - although def more towards guys, not sure she’s done more than kiss a girl, maybe not even that.
Questions;
is your daughter in a relationship, do you think being trans impacts romantic relationships
did you see any signs of them being trans growing up - like preferring to play with girls, liking ‘girls’ toys etc.
Whst does your wider family think of the transition?
I see you said she’s autistic, it’s massively common in the autistic community compared to NT community / do you think autism is a factor?
how did you react when she came out?

The waiter was just an example, I've heard people talk to each other about 'that lady's dog' (we have a cute dog!) too. In the early days, when she didn't 'pass' I could see it in people's faces and I don't see that look now. This is not to say all transgender people 'pass' of course

How awful.

That counsellor wants sacking. No human being can change sex and autistic people are more vulnerable to social contagion than neurotypical people.

My child is also autistic. I'd have gone mad if a counsellor had affirmed them as the opposite sex.

Was it someone within CAMHS? I'd raise a complaint. Your child no longer wants sexual relationshiops because they believe themselves the opposite sex. It's horrific OP.

And no autism isn't a medical condition but the autistic yp can be helped if they are having psychological issues.