Hello, I'm a TRA - ask me anything

[AlphaTransWoman]

Good evening,

I'm a transgender rights advocate. I say "advocate" rather than "activist" because I believe in constructive debate and consensus building rather than the hostile, shouty kind of activism that gets us nowhere.

I am here because I am genuinely interested in seeing if there is some kind of compromise that can be reached between pro trans and gender critical views. Obviously this is difficult because we may disagree about something pretty fundamental. I feel passionately that trans women are women (at least in the psychological and social sense), so there's an obvious divide if you do not.

The question is, can we find ways to co-exist and find an acceptable way forward on some of the difficult issues that arise around trans acceptance? So I'm happy to have a go answering anything you care to ask in good faith. Who knows, we might even make some progress.

Women don’t get NHS help with hair removal…?

That’s not the definition of a feminist, so the answer would be no.

What do you think about biological women being denied nhs services to support their hormones or for hair removal in the case of PCOS, when biological men like yourself are able to get free nhs hormone therapy? Do you think that’s fair and valuing women?

I think you've jumped the shark now OP...

I am also married and know enough about myself to know that I am straight. If my husband and I split then only biological males (and no trans men, trans women, non binary) people would be of interest to me sexually. I am not into lady bits and find the gender bending community do not aline with my values.

If you and your wife split would you include pre op transwomen with lady dicks in your dating pool? Even if it is a theoretical question and I really hope you and your wife stay together you must know if it is something you would consider theoretically.

Overall, if a feminist is someone who values and admires women, then yes, count me in!

Being adored is rarely the number one demand of womens rights campaigns.

if a feminist is someone who values and admires women, then yes, count me in!

<shudder>

this thread gets creepier and creepier

I'm actually intrigued by that idea. I must admit that I'm really not sure. If another trans woman was kind and gentle to me, and had soft skin and other feminine features, then I imagine it would be possible.

Soft skin and other feminine features and a PENIS?

I'm sorry but I genuinely don't know how I would feel about that. The emotional, loving side of a relationship is very important to me and above all I would want to feel cared for and protected by someone I could trust. I'm much more comfortable being intimate with women, and I think that would include trans women but it would depend very much on the individual.

I'm much more comfortable being intimate with women, and I think that would include trans women but it would depend very much on the individual.

😂 Yup. Cool story bro

Not keen on the surprise penis? Bit exclusionary.

.....adds soft skin to the list of womanly features I lack that mean I must be trans..... Trouble is, of course, I'm not a baby, and have indeed spent time in weather.

some innate differences between male and female behaviours, so long as feminine traits are valued just as much as masculine ones

Perceived differences in male and female behaviour are learned and can be unlearned. They are not innate.

This is why transwomen commit crime at the same rate as other men. Their learned behaviour does not change when they put on a dress. They would need to make a strong and conscious effort to change. Something you are not doing OP which is why your learned male behaviour is glaring like a red flag.

Also, there is no such thing as male traits and separate female traits. Has this thread taught you nothing. My DH, like many other men, is kind, gentle, nurturing, funny, emotional, hates football and is crap at DIY. He's still a man. This is what men are like and I'm sorry if you didn't get those role models or make those observations throughout your life.

Something in your past told you you weren't good enough to be a man and you therefore concluded that you must be a woman. Because in your mind a woman is a lesser being than a man. It's obvious in every post you make.

You started this thread saying that you were genuinely interested in hearing from gender critical people and that you were here in good faith. Yet here you are still saying the same things you said in your first posts.

Despite all the thoughtful, articulate and, frankly, extremely patient responses you have had, you still retain these blinkered sexist views. Maybe you need to take some time to think about why that might be instead of just repeating the same things which have been carefully and considerately refuted here.

@WallaceinAnderland

Please could you identify one single post here in which I have suggested that a woman is a “lesser being” to a man.

An example of what you consider to be my “learned male behaviour” would be interesting to see too.

I'm tired of doing your work for you. Go back and look at your posts. And mine. I have already spelled this out very clearly for you.

See above. I am not your maid.

Pretty much all your posts (some extremely patronisingly) exude it.

Women needing their own awards because we have low self-esteem leaps to mind, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Again - all your posts.

As I said upthread - you come across in a profoundly gender- normative way. Male.

Only men think having a "set" of breasts is sexual. Only men refer to them as a set. Only a certain type of man feels euphoria at putting on a women's blouse and suit. Only a man would think women's awards are to encourage us out of our shell. Only a man thinks women are generic in their personality and social traits. Only a man thinks woman can't have traits he deems to male. Only a man would think women aren't competitive, largely because you are ignoring us. Only a man think a lesbian would be attracted to a penis haver. Only a man would repeatedly ask women for their opinion and then completely ignore it and refuse to take on board their intelligent and well thought out arguments then think his stupid one liners explain perfectly why he is right. Only a man wouid think women smile at themselves in the mirror like in some cheesy stupid film. Only a man would think soft skin and beauty maje a woman. Do you even see or hear those of us who are ugly or fat or does your brain automatically delete us? And finally, and these are just off the top of my head first thing after waking up, Only a man would think his wife is perfectly thrilled and ok with his newly found trans status and fake breasts and cheap impersonation of women.

Just because you believe that doesn't make it so.

There are huge social differences between ethnic groups. Behaviour that is seen as 'male' in one culture might be 'female' in another.

OTOH the vast bulk of behaviour differences between the sexes disappear when you control for culture. It's possible the greater empathy you reference is a sex based difference but everything else is cultural (i.e. upbringing, context and life experience).

Even then the differences are very small compared to the range of personalities. There is plenty of space for you within the gamut of 'maleness'.

I understand you don't want that but you should realise that is for purely personal reasons- it doesn't say anything about womanhood.

Do you think lesbians who don't want to date people with penises are transphobic?

Hello OP, would you mind answering this please because I genuinely don't understand? What is the link between lack of hair and being empathetic, or the psychological traits that are what you think makes someone a woman?

@Kernackered

At least you've given me something to go on, for which I'm grateful:

Only men think having a "set" of breasts is sexual. Only men refer to them as a set.

I never suggested I found them sexual. Apologies if you found the term "set" offensive in that context; I meant it to be neutral, as in "set of teeth". By the way, mine are real, not prosthetics and not surgically augmented.

Only a certain type of man feels euphoria at putting on a women's blouse and suit.

Goodness me! So women don't enjoy wearing nice clothes? This would surprise me given that the women's fashion industry dwarfs the male equivalent. Of course, some women enjoy dressing up more than others, I'm not suggesting that all women do.

Only a man would think women's awards are to encourage us out of our shell.

I've been thinking about that one and maybe my response was a bit hasty. More than one factor may be involved.

Only a man thinks women are generic in their personality and social traits. Only a man thinks woman can't have traits he deems to male. Only a man would think women aren't competitive, largely because you are ignoring us.

Plenty of women believe there are innate differences between the sexes and have complementary roles in society. So in itself that's not indicative of maleness.

Only a man think a lesbian would be attracted to a penis haver.

That's entirely down to the lesbian in question. The idea that lesbians must like A and must not like B is restrictive and potentially homophobic.

Only a man would repeatedly ask women for their opinion and then completely ignore it and refuse to take on board their intelligent and well thought out arguments then think his stupid one liners explain perfectly why he is right.

I notice a lot of these "intelligent and well thought out arguments" consist of telling me that I am wrong and stupid without explaining why. Which sounds like a fairly masculine way of communicating in itself.

Only a man wouid think women smile at themselves in the mirror like in some cheesy stupid film.

OK, it was a cliched line. I was trying to articulate what it feels like to have gender dysphoria. It is not pleasant looking like the wrong sex.

Only a man would think soft skin and beauty maje a woman. Do you even see or hear those of us who are ugly or fat or does your brain automatically delete us?

I find women attractive, including very many who consider themselves not to be attractive. I don't see why this is wrong or male specific.

And finally, and these are just off the top of my head first thing after waking up, Only a man would think his wife is perfectly thrilled and ok with his newly found trans status and fake breasts and cheap impersonation of women.

No comment. As I said above, I'm not willing to discuss my partner.

Absolutely not. Who you find attractive is entirely your own business. There's no rule that says lesbians have to find all other lesbians attractive, and I can't believe I'm having to say this.