I was raised Mormon, got married at 20, had 6 kids, but I don't believe anymore. AMA.

[OnceIWasAMormon]

I know we've had a few threads like this in the past (not mine), but with the recent BBC documentary I thought people might want to ask about Mormonism again.

I don't have a TV licence so haven't seen the documentary, but I lived the life for 30+ years so I'm confident I could answer questions. 🙂AMA.

And also, well done for standing up against the lack of support escaping domestic abuse.

Very interesting thread thank you

I wish you well xx

Hi fellow exmo!

How long have you been out?

I've been out several years now and had four children.

I grew up in America and had a family of Mormon friends who got up to go to bible school every morning at 5am (normal school started at 6.50). Is this normal or were they particularly devout?

That will be seminary and most 14-18 year olds participate from my experience, myself included. Some people do early morning seminary and others do weekly seminary but in involved a lot of daily "homework". Which is what I did. I also taught it when I was an adult.

They were immediately relieved when I said I didn't want to go to church anymore and I wasn't going to expect them to do so either. They are now encouraged to explore their own beliefs and we have very interesting conversations as a result.

There is a modesty expectation with or without the temple undergarments, but I think there are cultural Mormons as well as believers. Years ago cultural Mormons were called Jack Mormons but I can't remember why and I don't know if that slang is still in use.

Women aren't leaders, they don't have decision making power, they become like God through childbirth, the misogyny is baked into the Mormon world view. There is no equality.

We’re your parents born into the faith or converts?

It sounds like you finished high school and then married - did you return to education when you were older? You are very articulate.

This is interesting, and probably, yes. I was the weird one, always separate from everyone else, and there is a strange comfort in that when you go to church 3 hours on a Sunday, with 2 or 3 weeknight meetings, daily rituals of prayer and study, going out to visit others in the congregation in the day, etc. I was always very busy and felt like I was doing the right thing, that feeling was regularly reinforced. So being "in the world but not of the world" was seen as righteous.

I tried very hard to fit that mould, for a long time. But it made me miserable.

They accepted it immediately, they are very open minded people.

Is there any part of your Mormon life and experience that you still value today?

Hello! I am an active Mormon and served a mission myself. I'm glad you have found your peace and you are happily married. I'm horrified to hear of the DV with your ex, that's awful, but i'm glad you were strong enough to leave and stand up for yourself.

Wow! I only knew of Mormons after reading A Study in Scarlet.

I was worried about this for a while, but really, their way if life is so restricted and po-faced, compared to home it's just not anything that interests them.

The thing that surprised me most, and this was several years later before I noticed, is that my relationships with everyone used to be transactional. I was taught to show interest and kindness in people if they were behaving in a way that was deemed acceptable, or if only to entice them to join or come back to church. I had surface level connections with everyone, and when I stopped thinking in that way, my relationship with my children grew stronger, and more authentic.

Their father doesn't force them to go to church, but he does talk church-y with them. They just shrug it off. I'm not worried about any harm being done, I've told them they should sit quietly during prayers etc and be respectful just as we would at anyone else's home who has a belief system we don't share. I feel like that's a reasonable way to approach it.

Thank you so much. It was very, very difficult. But worth it all.

Thanks!

Hello! About 5 years now, but my "shelf" broke a long time before that, I just didn't let myself notice it. I hope life is bright and happy for you and yours.

Mine were converts and met at BYU.

I've since gained professional qualifications that equate to an undergraduate degree, and intend to get a Master's one day, just because I want to. 🙂

Hmm, this is a deep and challenging question! I think I am glad that I have found my own path in life, and can trace my growth as a person so visibly. At one point, I only did and thought things because they were deemed "right." Now I decide that for myself. And sure, that can feel scary, but it's also very freeing. Perhaps my gratitude for that freedom is stronger than it would be if I hadn't been raised Mormon.

I'd also like to say to anyone who is reading who wants their records removed from the church, just invoke GDPR laws by asking for all private information to be expunged from their databases.

I was told that the official route to get my and my dc's personal details removed from their records was to get permission from the local leader as well as their father ( required for the dc, not me), but this is false. Simply email their "dataprivacyofficereurope" and state you want all your details removed as per article 17 of the gdpr. They will probably take the full 30 days to get round to it, but they will.

If I hadn't done this, I would still be getting missionaries knocking on my door trying to rebaptise me and the dc.

As an ex Jehovah's Witness I find your thread very interesting! Can totally relate to the misogyny that is drilled into you.
Sorry if it's been asked but does your family ans mormon friends shun you by having no contact, like JW's do? And do you feel a lot of anger towards the sect, feeling that your childhood and youth was robbed?

I was invited to a meeting with the Stake President (regional leader, above the local congregational leader), who was telling me I should reconsider divorce and giving me terrible advice. I ended the meeting and said unless he was trained in DV counselling I had no interest in what he had to say.

Respect!

Are you American? I’ve never really met any British Mormons.

showing my ignorance, forgive me, could you explain (in brief) how LDS differs to mainstain Christianity

how are the flds thought of by mainstream Mormons? I watched a documentary on them and it was quite shocking

So interesting to read and I'm very happy that you're now living your life the way you want to, I wish you all the happiness OP x

I don't feel angry anymore, and don't really think about it as an identity as such- I've been ruminating over it these past few days because of the documentary though. My upbringing has shaped who I am, of course, but I choose who I want to be in the end. And I don't want to carry anger around.

However, I don't associate with Mormons anymore. I used to be the Mormon who tried to treat ex-mormons as projects, and I don't have any interest in being on the receiving end of that. (Sorry to those people!)