I was raised Mormon, got married at 20, had 6 kids, but I don't believe anymore. AMA.

[OnceIWasAMormon]

I know we've had a few threads like this in the past (not mine), but with the recent BBC documentary I thought people might want to ask about Mormonism again.

I don't have a TV licence so haven't seen the documentary, but I lived the life for 30+ years so I'm confident I could answer questions. 🙂AMA.

Ha, thanks! Definitely one of my strongest moments.

are there any people you know that have more than one wife? Or is that only in the US? Very interesting thread - thanks for starting it 😊

Another ex member here, so glad to hear you are in a better place.
There is a lot I miss about the church, but there is also a lot I don't tbh lol

I was born in America, but I've lived in Britain most of my life and my ex is British.

Some of the differing beliefs to mainstream Christianity is the trinity - Mormons belief the godhead is 3 distinct beings. That God was once a human who became exhalted into godhood and built his own universe. That Jesus is our spiritual brother and was God's firstborn in heaven, that there is a heavenly mother who births our spiritual bodies in a pre-earth existence where we wait to be born, and that we all can potentially be gods ourselves one day, though the women just spend their time giving birth to spiritual babies. That's just off the top of my head, there is a lot more.

FLDS isn't seen as anything to do with mainstream Mormons.

"The thing that surprised me most, and this was several years later before I noticed, is that my relationships with everyone used to be transactional. I was taught to show interest and kindness in people if they were behaving in a way that was deemed acceptable, or if only to entice them to join or come back to church."
Thankyou , what an interesting ama ,your description is exactly my experience with any j.w's or Mormons who have ever knocked my door.
I don't understand how anyone can involve themselves with such homophobic misogynistic attitudes , gets my gander up !
Very good to hear that you and your children are free and happy .

No, that's only FLDS these days, although many Mormons in Utah and surrounding states descended from polygamous unions in the 1800s and early 1900s. Not my family tree, though.

Hello! What would you say you miss? I used to think it was a sense of community, but then I realised it was all so transactional and paper thin, it wasn't worth missing.

This is really interesting thanks for starting OP, we live next to a Mormon church and I think about it often and what life is like for them, especially on a Sunday afternoon when lots are walking past.

We were tired and worn out after church, and didn't allow the dc to go to parties or to play centres, etc. Didn't spend money on Sundays. So we were frequently tired and bored. Suddenly having another day in the week was such a gift!

I work with someone who is part of the LDS church, is that the same thing? Hard to describe without entirely giving away my job and possibly slightly outing them, but it involves going to their home. I know church is a very active and large part of their lives, and their home has a lot of Christian imagery, but otherwise nothing seems different to any other family. Are there different strands within the UK that are more or less 'strict'? Is everyone expected to go door to door or do people have different roles? This is a really interesting thread as I've realised I know very little about their faith.

LDS is short for Latter-day Saint, Mormon is a nickname.

We used to have lots of pictures and signs up as well - it's encouraged. There any uk sects of mormonism, but the strong cultural aspect of it in the Utah area makes it feel a lit more dominant in a person's life. I've heard stories about how one's church attendance impacts employment prospects over there. Obviously that's not an issue here.

That family may or may not follow all the rules explicitly, but if the parents want to be "temple worthy" they will need to be doing basic things like paying a 10% tithe, not drinking alcohol, coffee or tea, keeping the sabbath holy, etc.

Too many typos! Time for bed I think. I'll answer more questions tomorrow if people want.

wow, so you grew up without tea or coffee! Do you drink tham now? What did you think the first time you had them?

( o - and alcohol.... but actually I am more concerned about life without tea or coffee!)

I did. I still don't really have them. I can't stand coffee and I just haven't developed the habit for tea 😂 or alcohol. But we are all different. My husband drink it's all but isn't too fussed either way.

To be honest I spent 30 odd years in the church and it's hard at times to do things that would have been seen as making me unworthy before.

Mormons are alway very quick to point out that we have to leave as we can't hack the standards and so make excuses to leave so we can sin. And by sin they usually mean drinking tea and coffee or alcohol.

Was your husband a Mormon too? Did you leave together?

OnceIWasAMormon

How old were your children when you left? Did you take them with you or wait for them to decide what they wanted to do?

Very interesting thread, thanks for starting it. I’m really pleased you have found your own path and happiness.

What happens to a Mormon woman if it turns out she (or her husband) has fertility problems and can't produce the 5 or 6 tow-haired Instagram kids? Is she seen as lesser? Fecundity seems to be put on such a pedestal in Mormonism.

I was going to ask about the Mormon 'salad' that is green jelly with vegetables suspended in it. But as you've lived most of your life in Britain that one probably doesn't apply.

I was invited to a meeting with the Stake President (regional leader, above the local congregational leader), who was telling me I should reconsider divorce and giving me terrible advice. I ended the meeting and said unless he was trained in DV counselling I had no interest in what he had to say.

Glad you had the strength to ignore his advice. Fortunately not all church leaders are the same. My experience was completely different - I was in an abusive marriage and it was my Stake President who supported, encouraged, and enabled me to leave. The church then paid for me to receive therapy from a private counsellor.

I’m LDS but I think my life is quite ordinary really. I don’t feel restricted, I’m quite happy with the way I live my life. There’s definitely a cultural element to it too though - I could not live in Utah.

@MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake I have eaten this or something like this made by American LDS friends. It was gross! it was like salad with mandarins and mini marshmallows added if recall correctly. I didn’t realise at the time it was ‘Mormon salad’ I just thought it was weird American food. But I was later told it’s a Utah thing.

Is there less misogyny in the UK Mormon culture compared to the US? Admittedly I only knew one family, but the girls went to university and had careers, although they didn’t drink and got married relatively young for the UK, usually by 21.

I did have fertility problems and that did make me feel ‘lesser’ for a time but that was mostly to do with comments my ex made and how I felt about myself.

No one at church made me feel lesser and I would hope no one would ever think of anyone as ‘lesser’ for any reason.

We don’t all have loads of children (although many do), and it’s not really anyone else’s business how many children a couple chooses to have. Depends on each person’s individual circumstances.

Did you tithe every month to the church and what was the %?
How uncomfortable was the white underwear and were you expected to wear it? The folks I saw wearing it in SLC looked to be uncomfortable in it during very hot weather
Did your kids get told they had to pick between you and the church because you are gay?
A friend who left felt their family who were still in the church left them out now. How was your family?
Did you ever baptize the dead into the church?

I love all those things now 😆

But my ability to pace myself when drinking is nonexistent, I've had so little practice. And I'm too old and have too much responsibility for thumping hangovers every weekend.

I enjoy the social element of drinking, and love a good wine pairing. Black coffee with peanut butter toast is delicious, and I love afternoon tea and biscuits.

Not been struck down by the wrath of god just yet.

I find it all quite funny because I remember church lessons about the dangers of getting addicted to these "substances" and how we were "protected by god" from these dangers because he revealed the Word of Wisdom to the prophets, but every single Mormon gathering features high sugar, high fat foods, which I struggle with far, far more than having a glass of wine with a meal.