I was raised Mormon, got married at 20, had 6 kids, but I don't believe anymore. AMA.

[OnceIWasAMormon]

I know we've had a few threads like this in the past (not mine), but with the recent BBC documentary I thought people might want to ask about Mormonism again.

I don't have a TV licence so haven't seen the documentary, but I lived the life for 30+ years so I'm confident I could answer questions. 🙂AMA.

Have you seen Book of Mormon?

Was it an arranged marriage?

No. I've considered it but I'm not a fan of the writers' humour in general, so I'm not fussed. I have seen clips on YouTube and cringe-laughed though!

There are a lot of ‘fashionable’ Mormons - like Hannah of Ballerina Farm - becoming quite glamorous instagrammers at the moment. She’s an ex beauty Queen mom of 7 living in Utah. Is the reality less idyllic?

No, people don't do that ime! Usually just quick courtships and early marriages. I met my dc's father at 18, he was 23. I was living at home, while he was working in his first proper career job, living in a rented house on his own. The power imbalance wasn't pointed out at all by anyone in our circles, in fact we were encouraged to marry as soon as we could. I didn't go to uni as a result.

You mention that you don't believe anymore. Have you replaced your Mormon beliefs with other beliefs?

Why did you leave
Was leaving difficult
do your partner and kids still believe?
and how has leaving / not believing affected your relationship with your parents siblings wtc

If you no longer believe, are you shunned by family and friends who are still Mormons?

If so, how do you deal with this?

I hope you're OK.

How close are you to your family? Are they still Mormons?

Did you/others you knew really believe all the stuff about Moroni and the golden plates?

There have always been glitsy Mormons since blogging became a thing - I remember we were encouraged from the pulpits to proselytise via family blogging probably early 2000s. It's like anything on the internet, the reality is different than the pictures. I have also observed there is huge pressure to look a certain type of beautiful in Utah Mormon circles. I can't comment on that woman in particular, though.

Did you go to be a missionary like the teens on TV?

Great question! And no. I have very purposefully decided I'm not a "joiner" and feel wary of joining any group that requires me to adhere to a set list of beliefs of any kind. For example, I enjoy philosophy, particularly stoicism, but I always question it and don't describe myself as a "Stoic".

Are you still married? Does your husband still believe? What about your kids?

What made you question your former life and leave that way of life?

I was struggling with it for many years before finally ending things. I remember crying down the phone with another Mormon woman about how painful it was to be treated as "less than" because I'm a woman. She somehow convinced me to keep going to church.

I was finally, finally finished when my dc's father (a leader in our congregation at the time) hit me in front of the dc one day.

I was treated very badly by the members after he did that, and realised I had no reason to conform to those beliefs.

I've since divorced him, come out as lesbian and am now married to a wonderful woman.

@OnceIWasAMormon how do your children feel about your new lifestyle? Are they still believers?

I shunned them, really. They expected me to return to church and forgive and forget after domestic violence. Nah.

I was invited to a meeting with the Stake President (regional leader, above the local congregational leader), who was telling me I should reconsider divorce and giving me terrible advice. I ended the meeting and said unless he was trained in DV counselling I had no interest in what he had to say.

I'm not in contact with my extended family, some of them are believers and some aren't. The reasons for that are complicated, and didn't really come to light until after I left the ex.

Speaking of these glamorous Mormon Instagrammers - how are they calling themselves Mormons but wearing crop tops and bikinis? I thought Mormons had to wear tshirt and shorts style underwear at all times?

And when you say about being thought of as less than - is that what’s widely taught? Is every Mormon man I meet automatically looking down on me?

We don't speak anymore. One of my brothers is still a believer, he used to work for the church leaders in Utah for many years.

I tried, for a long time. A quick Google search helps to explain the illogical elements of the story, but I think for me it was the misogyny baked into everything that wore me down. Plus the homophobia.

Did you go to a mainstream school and if so was it difficult to see the different kind of lives your school mates led? Was it things like that that contributed to you realising that the way you were being treated as a woman was unacceptable?

Did you find is easy explaining to your children that you loved a women and that she made you happy? Have your children decided to follow a faith?

I did a "mini mission" for 6 weeks when I was 19, I didn't go to the training centre, just got sent to a flat in a different city. It was a stressful, bizarre experience. I was young, living with strangers, no explanation or training, and expected to teach people. I did meet Ali G one day, and gave him a Book of Mormon, so that was kind of funny.

Do your kids still have contact with their father? If so how do you manage the extremes of his beliefs (and homophobia) and influence on your kids with your new family life?

My dc's father still practices, with his new wife, but my dc don't. Their beliefs are respected, but they see how restricted that lifestyle is, and they arent interested.