I am asexual - AMA!

[YouAreNotBatman]

Hello!👋🏻
Feel free to ask me questions.

Yes.
But sadly, I’m used to it.

And I agree, it doesn’t even have to be about gays, if they talked this way about women with kids or nut allergy, it wouldn’t be tolerated.

Bit rude really. If you think this topic has been 'done to death' on here then perhaps you've been here too long.
Some people will be new to MN and this will be the first thread about asexuality that they read, please consider other users before replying unpleasantly to OP. After all, would you reply so abruptly to them in RL ? Probably not.

I have to admit, all the labels now make my head spin. I have a friend whose daughter has come out as non-binary, bi, pansexual, asexual and greysexual. There is a flag for all of them, and she wears them all in the form of badges/pins.
I made the badges for her, and the greysexual one just had me scratching my head. It is basically someone who has sex with someone they have a connection to, but the relationship is not based on sex, and they don't crave sex.

When did we get to the point that we need a label/flag for every nuance of human behaviour and desire?

I've (knowingly) met ONE asexual person in my very long life. He told me about it over lunch one day, it wasn't a big thing or his "identity". Bumped into him about 15 years later, he was married with a pregnant wife. It would've been rude to interrogate him about that, so I didn't. I assume he unexpectedly discovered he was sexual after all, with this woman at least.

I haven't had sex in 17 years now, and don't expect to. If I'd known my last shag was going to be final, I'd have picked a better one 😂But I wouldn't describe myself as asexual, even though it sounds like I'm significantly less sexual than you these days - I'm permanently tired due to illness, and am on hefty antidepressants which kill libido stone dead.

So I guess my question's something like: why the "identity"? Why is the kind of sex you have or don't have so important that you want to meet up in specialist groups? I mean, I get why gay people do - they need to construct a social life that could involve potential partners. If that isn't an issue for you, what's so great about getting together to talk about not having sex?

When did we get to the point that we need a label/flag for every nuance of human behaviour and desire? @XenoBitch

This. It's all very limiting.

I thought it was bad when people had to tell you what they did for a living when you met, and required the same from you. Unless your jobs actually had something in common, it was a dead end. The main point seemed to be for everyone to classify everyone else according to their perceptions of relative status.

Doing the same with infinitely shades of sexual preference strikes me as just as dull, and somewhat sleazier.

But until you see a thread you don't know you wanted to hear about it?

Nobody cares.

Why do we all have to lump ourselves in boxes these days? Why do we need labels. Your sexuality is your business and doesn’t need a huge announcement or public opinion… As long as your sexual preference isn’t illegal/damaging to others then no one really cares.

This.
Gay/homosexuality deserves awareness and tolerance. It should be fine for two men (or two women) to walk hand in hand in the street, and not suffer any issues from that.

I am not sure what awareness of asexuality really gains? Do asexuals suffer discrimination anywhere?

I don’t think so, how would anyone know you’re asexual?? Obviously walking down the street as a same sex couple or being trans is fairly obvious.. but being asexual and walking along as a single person either alone or in a group… people don’t automatically think anything of it… seems daft to me that people are so keen to draw attention to something that really doesn’t bothers others…. generally people don’t care if you just don’t fancy anyone.

Not wanting to shag anyone is having a low libido, it’s not an identity and doesn’t need a special category.

Where is the pressure to not be asexual coming from? Where does that manifest? I’ve never felt it

Exactly
brace yourself though! 😂

You are really not getting the 'fixed' this g. She doesn't mean fixed as in the broken tv has been fixed, she means fixed as in the wardrobe is fixed to the wall to stabilize it.

Would you prostitute yourself for a million pounds?

Depends on my financial position but not totally averse to the idea if I was on the bones of my ass financially!

Obviously you do care enough to be mean about it.

To be fair, I’ve learned a lot. I assumed asexual meant no libido like a lot of people. I learned that offering to explain means that you’ll trigger a fair amount of nastiness from lots of people who don’t want to learn. I’ve learned that depending on circumstances that you can grow up asexual and struggle with other people’s expectations or you can grow up asexual and other people’s expectations have no effect on your life(should have known that because all sexualities are the same). Thanks OP and others, it’s good to learn.

Thank you for starting the thread and sticking with it OP in the onslaught of such nastiness. I can see how more awareness would be helpful to young people growing up asexual and the value of being able to name it despite what people say about labels. I remember thinking that people ‘just hadn’t met the right person yet’ before I had heard of this and can imagine the pressure from friends and family that asexual people might feel under.

It isn’t a competition about who is the most oppressed and no one has suggested they have been denied rights based on being asexual just that they have struggled to explain to family and friends and to accept it in themselves.

What do you think would help with raising awareness? Do you think it should be on the national curriculum - is it already? Do the flags and involvement in pride help? I have read a novel about it (Loveless - Alice Oseman). And I think there will be an asexual character coming out in the next series of Heartstopper if the rumours are true.

On the national curriculum

FFS. Leave our poor children alone. Another “issue”.

But if schools relationships education only included heterosexual relationships then that would leave a lot of people feeling that they were somehow wrong.

Well that’s why they absolutely don’t just include heterosexual relationships!

Well exactly so are you saying that gay and bisexual people can be included and made to feel ok about themselves but asexual people should not be?

in a word - yes.

I think it’s made clear to students that there can be an ebb and flow to sex drive over one’s life, and some people, whether due to trauma or personal preference - don’t wish to have sex but may still wish to have a loving monogamous relationship with someone.

So mentioned in the context of sex education but beyond that - nope.