I am asexual - AMA!

[YouAreNotBatman]

Hello!👋🏻
Feel free to ask me questions.

That poster was on another thread referring to her first orgasm in her twenties during her “normal” (her word”) period but now is asexual

to me that’s just the ebb and flow of whether anyone you are sexually attracted to is in your life

but this is what we are talking about, discussion of relationships, most families and friends discuss relationships, as opposed to sex.

So where, in these discussions, does a child tell their parent that they will never want a relationship? And how does that parent respond?

This is what it means to raise awareness, the child ( or young adult) is equipped to recognise who they are, and the parent is equipped to understand that

And yes, there are asexual marriages, etc, and so on ( quite often open marriages) and a parent with an asexual adult child may well firstly find themselves thinking there will never be a relationship, and then later, that there is a relationship that is on very different terms to how they ( the parent) defined "relationships" in the past - but that still isn't really to do with discussing sex, just being able to talk to your family about your lifestyle.

Most loving families talk about these things

So where, in these discussions, does a child tell their parent that they will never want a relationship? And how does that parent respond?

but wanting or not wanting a relationship has bugger all to do with being asexual.

Just live your life

You could be in Ukraine!

Just enjoy and stop asking you are fine

As evident in this very thread and indeed your posts…. Wanting or not wanting a relationship is not a relevant feature to being asexual?

I'm what is now described as Asexual and Aromantic. I've never needed these labels - I just am how I am like everyone else is - and have always simply said that I'm not interested in partnering up, if anyone asked about my long-term singleness.

I object to being subsumed under the "Trans umbrella" mishmash of letters and I don't need an "ACE" group or "space" to discuss my (lack of) experiences with anyone.

It hasn't affected my life in any way because it's the way I've been all of my life. and the world hasn't sent me any "strong message that you will have to have sex and must love".

I have a normal, sociable life with friends just like any other person: I'm perfectly "normal", whatever that is.

I find the current crop of Asexual people desperate to talk about it with the world very odd in the same way that I do anyone who bangs on about their actual sex life with others.

no it hasn't

Most asexuals don't want relationships

Those that do, don't want a "relationship" as it would be commonly defined within society.

wanting to remain single, to me is the very essence of me being asexual

Thank you for this very sensible post.

@JauntyJinty @Vegrocks @Nimbostratus100 @YouAreNotBatman

This was where my question stemmed from.

Nimbostratus wrote - I think it is very important that asexuality is recognised on equal opportunity.

I asked the question. They replied 'to show we exist'. But that didn't answer my question which was and still is - how do asexuals not have the same equal opportunities as single heterosexuals.

And again I'm really not trying to be aggressive or anything, I promise. I just don't understand the struggle - how does it prevent getting a job, housing, medical care, adopting, financial independence etc etc.

I can see how homosexuality can be a barrier to equal opportunity but not asexuality.

It was just a straight up question.

In that case in your eyes, the PP who describes herself as asexual but wanting a relationship - is infact not asexual

Yes agree. Finally one that actually does make sense

What has Ukraine got to do with anything

Ha, I think this is the first time I have knowingly been advanced searched! I hope you enjoyed all my posts about my cat.

Just to clarify, I said in my earlier post: "My sexuality has varied from fully asexual (until my early 20s) to almost "normal" then back to demisexual". I don't identify as asexual now (though I am still very undersexed), and I am CERTAINLY not using my personal experiences to discredit any of the asexual posters on this thread. I have no doubt that there are people who are asexual throughout their entire lives, it's just also interesting to read about people who, like me, have a degree of fluidity in their sexuality.

Best wishes to all asexuals out there - this thread is a depressing reminder of the weird hostility this topic can generate.

People don’t constantly ask me why I don’t want sex. They constantly ask me why I don’t date/ don’t I want to find a man etc etc. yes it is constant. It’s not really possible to find a male partner as an asexual as very very very few men don’t want sex as part of a relationship. So I have to make stuff up about how I want to be single when i don’t.

I tried telling someone I thought I was asexual and I got the disbelief/ mocking that is apparent on this thread so I’ve stopped doing that.

I want a relationship because I want someone to be close to, to share life with, to go on holiday with…I don’t want to have sex with them. I am asexual.

People don’t constantly ask me why I don’t want sex. They constantly ask me why I don’t date/ don’t I want to find a man etc etc. yes it is constant.

to be fair. You said in your first post…

as everyone asks me why I don’t want a sexual partner and I don’t know what to say.

@Vegrocks stop trying to catch me out. I am a genuine person dealing with something I find tough.

I wrote that I guess because for the vast majority of people a relationship equates to having a sexual partner. So I just have to say I don’t want a partner rather than explain I see the two things as separate entities. Although, saying that I’ve been asked numerous times how I can cope without the sex involved in having a partner.

no

asexuals are not clones of each other!

Huh? You said you were constantly being asked why you didn’t have a sexual partner. I literally quoted you.

and are you aware that in they of @Nimbostratus100 you’re not asexual because you want a relationship wanting to remain single, to me is the very essence of me being asexual

i will bow out!

Are you fed up with the remarks on mumsnet for daring to even mention that you are asexual? If people were as nasty to gay people on here in the same way, they’d probably be banned

My gripe with equal opportunity monitoring forms is that you are asked you sexuality, it is normally gay, straight or bi ( and sometimes "prefer not to say")

The problem with this is that it is perpetuating the myth that asexuals do not exist.

If you are collecting data on the sexuality of people who are responding to you, then you need to include asexuality.

Yes, there may be people who don't fit exactly into one category or another, but they can at least see those categories as options

You can see that there are people on this thread who deny that asexuality exists - not listing it as a normal sexuality, alongside the other normal sexualities just perpetuates that.

It isn't just asexuals that need to know asexuality exists! Friends, family, parents, siblings, etc they need to see it as an option as well, otherwise you are telling them that their child/friend/brother whatever doesn't exist

no, that is MY asexuality

asexuals are not clones of each other

heterosexuals are all different, homosexuals are all different, asexuals are different too

@Vegrocks i think it’s best if you do bow out. You’re being quite mean to a few of us and it’s made me feel pretty shit on a an already shitty day.

Just because you don’t understand something you don’t have to attack people and nitpick to try and ‘catch them out’. It’s a chat site, people haven’t curated and considered every word in every post!

Fair enough. I can see that. That makes sense.

I don't know why people deny it exists. Some of the replies on here have been very odd.

But for most, I think it boils down to people not being able to understand how it impacts someone. They see it like a choice such as choosing whether to get married or have a baby etc. I understand that asexuality is not a lifestyle 'choice'.

What do asexual people think about while masturbating if they aren't attracted to people? I had always assumed they had no sex drives!

It’s good that you’ve had easier and more positive expirience, but not everyone is that lucky.

It’s a bit sad that someone who is ace/aro, would minimize other people’s expirience.