I am asexual - AMA!

[YouAreNotBatman]

Hello!👋🏻
Feel free to ask me questions.

another common misconception! asexuality is not linked to hormones, any more than being gay is

So what you’re saying is

it’s personal preference

just like if someone only has any preference for the missionary position in sex.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testosterone

I said it's ridiculous, not hateful. No hate from me.

I'd love to know why the OP and others think it's okay to pretend to be oppressed and compare celibacy to a sexual orientation. I think this is ignorant at best and homophobic at worst.

This is why we need threads like this!

Because of the immense hurt and damage done, specifically to young asexual people, when they come up against parents/ relatives/ role models etc who "don't believe in" asexuality

Would you say you "don't believe in " homosexuality if one pf your children told you they were gay?

Would you continue to pressurise, expect, predict that they would end up in a heterosexual relationship?

If you can see how devastating that could be to their lives, and to their relationship with you, surely you can see how devastating it could be to push you ignorance about asexuality onto them too?

No, not at all - I've been single and celibate for the vast majority of my life

Because of the immense hurt and damage done, specifically to young asexual people, when they come up against parents/ relatives/ role models etc who "don't believe in" asexuality

why would they be talking about their desire not to have sex with parent / relatives?

I never had a discussion about my sexual appetite or absence thereof with family 😐

So what was this “almost normal” period involve?

yes there is a lot of hatred aimed at asexuals! direct and indirect.

AS I said earlier, if the average poster on here has, say, two children, than 1/25-1/50 of them have an asexual child.

Frightening, when you see the ridicule and vitriol directed at asexuals, isn't it, that in many cases it will be coming from mothers with asexual children

interesting

😂

have you read your own post?

You insult, belittle and ridicule, then claim there is no negative treatment......

You said it was ridiculous 5 times in 5 sentences - you don't have to use the word "hate" to sound hatefull

Where did OP claimed to be oppressed?

Have you read your own post? Comparing me saying the label is ridiculous to actual oppression and discrimination against gay people is homophobic.

Be celibate if you want to be. But don't go around pretending to be oppressed. You have zero idea of the experience of gay and lesbian people growing up experiencing violence, rape, denied housing, denied basic rights.

I will try and answer ( I hope that is ok @YouAreNotBatman - I am jumping on your thread)

AS a child and teen, growing up, I didn't understand the hopes and dreams of my friends, or the expectations of my family

This is because it was mostly based on marriage/ long term partnerships

This was presented as so normal, that I can remember not even being able to find the words to ask my (loving, caring) parents why people seemed to be orientated towards this, and I was not - the first conversation I had was aged about 6, when I tried to ask my Dad where I would live if I didn't marry, as I only knew family or couple households - his response was to reassure me that I would probably marry/ have a long term partner

I grew up not knowing asexuality existed, or that I was asexual

I assumed I was gay or straight, and if I wanted a home and family, I had to learn to be in relationships

I tried and tried and tried

Multiple engagements, multiple financial entanglements, multiple broken hearts (other people's not mine) when I just couldn't follow through

The portrayal of asexuals in literature is very unpleasant, I came across several who were psychopathic, for example, and in the end thought that must be my problem

So, ignorance of asexuality lead to many wasted years, many hurt people, much wasted money, and a "secret" that I dare not tell, that there is something deeply wrong with me, I am probably a very dangerous person

The day I heard that asexuality existed, everything became clear!

There was an article on the BBC - several of my best and oldest friends contacted me the same day very excited, saying they had seen it, and recognised me in it

So I know I am normal, and have based my life choices on being asexual, and single forever, and have a very happy life, fostered, worked towards a single person's mortgage etc

Some asexuals may choose differently, and go about looking for a celibate marriage, to raise children in, or whatever suits them

But you have to recognise what you are, to base your planning and future on.

I tried SO HARD to be straight, because I thought it was just a matter of trying harder and harder, and I would eventually get it

So yes, I think it is very important that asexuality is recognised, on equal opportunity forms, for example - otherwise it is just saying we don't exist, and we do - and as you can see from this thread, lots of people think we don't exist. And that creates chaos in people's lives.

Incidentally, I also chose to be a single Mum, my hormones are normal!

Asexuality is completely different to a sexual person having a medical issue which causes problems with low libido.

I'm really sorry. I'm not trying to be antagonistic but I still don't understand 🙁

Other than your own internal struggles which you had to work through (and everyone has their own internal struggles) - how does being asexual need to be recognised for equal opportunity?

What opportunities have you been denied based on being asexual? What freedom does a single heterosexual person enjoy that a single asexual person does not or does not without a struggle?

The acknowledgement that we exist

No.
Not at all.

no

because it is innate

you are born asexual

preference and choice does not come into it

again, a complete internal contradiction within a single post

“Innate”

and yet this person had a period where she wasn’t asexual. I suspect because there was no one in her life at that point that she wanted to have sex with. Which is where I’m at atm

My sexuality has varied from fully asexual (until my early 20s) to almost "normal" then back to demisexual.

Why would you not want to be open with your parents about who you are? Are you saying asexuals should hide it from their parents? And do what? pretend to have relationships? Are these with actors, or with people they dupe into thinking they want a real relationship?

Are you saying parents and relatives don't ask about relationships, and future plans? are you saying asexuals should lie when they answer?

Can't you see how fundamentally the family relationships are going to be torn apart by this state of affairs?

What is going to happen if one of your children is asexual? Are they going to hide it from you forever? Are they going to pretend? Or are you never going to ask, ever , about relationships and partners and plans?

Or are they going to tell you, and hear you say you don't believe them?

That is one person, we are trying to tell you waht asexuality is

It is no different from homosexuality, in that there are individuals who don't fully fit the category all their lives - that doesn't change what the category is

I was born asexual

I am very happy to be asexual, it isn't a choice, but if it had have been, it would have been my choice!

It can be a very happy life

The main issue for me is this

Young people don't know asexuality exists

Asexuals mess up their lives, and other people's lives through not recognising what they are

Friends and family pressurise and assume, and many other relationships are messed up too

That is why we need greater awareness, so this doesn't happen to young asexuals

How is it an internal contradiction?

Do you understand that people who are celibate are not denied rights and are not subjected to violence on the basis of their identity? The worst that happens is the occasional intrusive question, which is something that happens to us all.

Comparing this to the actual oppression faced by gays and lesbians is insulting and homophobic.

@beastlyslumber
You are the only one who has said anything about oppression.

And you grasping at strange straws doesn’t make asexual homophobic, that is offensive thing to say.

That wasn't my question. My question was - how does being asexual impact your equal opportunities compared to a single heterosexual?