I am asexual - AMA!

[YouAreNotBatman]

Hello!👋🏻
Feel free to ask me questions.

So why did you click then?? Just scroll on by instead of feeling the need to leave a totally unhelpful comment! Some people really…

Hi OP and thanks for posting! I don't know what it is that makes so many posters be horrible to asexuals. I suspect they are the sort of people who would have been horrible to lesbians back in the day on the grounds that lesbianiam was "unnatural" and women just needed to grow out of it.

I think some posters are just very bad at understanding hard it is to grow up without feeling sexual attraction in a world that is so obsessed with it. I'm sorry to hear the asexual spaces online have been invaded - what a shame!

Have you ever had sex?

You said earlier you’re “too repulsed” by sex - what specifically repulses you?

What is “bi-romantic”? Is that not just bisexual?

Who is being “horrible”?

4 pages so far….

indicates a level of interest

added to which, you clicked on the thread. What was your motivation? @SomePeopleAreJustBloodyStupid

Who cares

😂😂😂

1st Paragraph - big rant calling Asexuals "ridiculous" mulitple times and claiming they're all just confused

2nd Paragraph - "It's not like they get unnecessary hate"

If you're right the best thing to do is ignore the thread, then it'll disappear from the board without any replies and the OP feeling silly - but it looks to me like a few people have some genuine questions

Jesus, some of the ignorance on this thread. Particularly the 'you just haven't met the right person' shite.

My (non-binary, so you would have thought maybe would be a little more understanding of differences!) 'friend' told my then-fiance IN FRONT OF ME that he probably just hadn't met the right woman yet. Thanks mate.

Anyway OP, no questions, just wanted to say hi from a non-asexual woman happily married to a (heteroromantic) asexual man. I found the lack of sex difficult at first, I think partly because I had been conditioned to some extent to wrap my sense of self worth up in my partner finding me sexually attractive (not to say at all that that applies to many women, but it did to me).

Five years on and I am very happy with our relationship. We're very affectionate, just not through sex. So I wouldn't dismiss the idea of a romantic relationship yet @YouAreNotBatman if that's what you want.

When you embarked on the relationship, was he immediately upfront with you that the two of you would never have sex?

Hi Op
I am susprised too I haven't seen any of the Assexual threads either,

Was there anything in your life in your past or quite recently,
made you think you prefer to be Assexual or was it just something organically just happened that way, for whatever reason and you are indifferent to sexual needs or prefer to go solo to fulfil those kinds of needs?

There have been asexual AMA's before but that doesn't mean the op shouldn't post, people clearly are interested.
I am surprised that you have a libido op, I always assumed asexual meant no sex drive at all.
So you have a libido, but are not interested in ever having sex, with anyone. Very interesting.
To the pp who have an issue with 'labelling', what is wrong with having a name for this situation? 🤔

What’s the difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction? When I think of romantic but not sexual all I can come up with is close friendship, is it like an exclusive friendship then?

to be honest I’ve known lots of woman who see sex as something they must resist as long as possible which has led to some ideas I don’t agree with. But it is hard to understand something from someone else perspective so I ask to understand not to be argumentative.

This is exactly why we need more awareness!

The fact that there are genuinely people around who have so little understanding and awareness at all.

This attitude of disbelief, lack of understanding, denial or the existence is what leads young asexuals to be unable to recognise themselves, and when that happens, and young people don't understand what they are, and try and be something else, then people's lives get well and truly f*** up, both the asexuals, their partners, their family's, their friends, everyone

maybe, but less so than always having been a straight woman until you are 50 doesn't totally preclude one day being attracted to another woman.

Yes, anyone's sexuality can vary throughout heir life time, including asexuals, but asexuals are far less likely to experience this than others

Why on earth is it important to have awareness about this? 😂

Yep. Well not exactly on the first date (because who discusses sexual preferences - or lack thereof - that soon??) but we moved very fast (fell for each other hard) so it was pretty early on.

It isn't a "trend" - it is roughly 1-2% of the population since ancient times, when asexuals were highly prized as incorruptible judges. It has never changed in human history

In all seriousness… what is the reasons for it being important society have awareness of asexuals?

If you're purposely finding spaces on forums or in life to talk about asexuality - isn't that another way of making a conversation about sex?

I'm just a straight middle class woman - beyond my teenage years - I don't think I've ever had a conversation about sex outside my marriage.

I can understand having no sexual feelings as you move through puberty and into early adulthood would have been concerning at the time. When you were able to understand this as asexuality and process that sex/intimate relationships were not going to be part of your life - I think I struggle to understand why it would remain something at the forefront of your mind?

I guess another way of saying it is - how does asexuality impact your day to day to life?

I can see that for a gay person, issues around discrimination, marriage, children etc etc are ever present. I can see that they have prejudices to overcome. But I can't see how it applies to an asexual person beyond occasional intrusive questions such as - are you dating anyone? To which a simple answer would be - no I prefer to be single and focus on myself/job/hobbies etc.

I'm sure I'm being woefully naive but can you help me understand this aspect?

Exactly

I regard asexuality as in the same ballpark as, let’s say, someone with a desire to only have sex in the missionary position or to only have anal sex.

it is a preference rather than a characteristic

There are also gay men who say they enjoy sex with straight women! It doesn't change the fundamental of what "gay" means, or the fact that some people don't fit into exact categories.

Asexuals don't feel sexual attraction. If some people don't fit into that category exactly, that is fine, but it doesn't change the category

That's interesting, do you have a source for this? My sexuality has varied from fully asexual (until my early 20s) to almost "normal" then back to demisexual. And I've certainly heard of people who become asexual later in life.

This is not to say that it's "just a phase" at all, some people will stay asexual for life. Just that I think it can be fluid for others.

My sexuality has varied from fully asexual (until my early 20s) to almost "normal" then back to demisexual.

has that just not gone hand in hand with the person in your life re your level of sexual attraction to them?

Do you not understand sexuality? It isn't to do with being "special" - it is innate

This poster has kindly offered to answer questions on an area of society that a lot of people are clearly very deeply ignorant about

If you have 2 children, then there is a 1/25- 1/50 chance that one is asexual.

I wonder how that hypothetical (or not ) child will feel about coming out to you? I wonder how they will feel about your ignorance, and lack of understanding about their innate nature.

I would guess that you will drive them away with your assumptions and pressure ignorance, and they will be happier without you in their lives.

This is a common situation, and something that @YouAreNotBatman is attempting to give people the opportunity to avoid, by addressing their ignorance and arrogance?

Any parent reading this thread could have a child at home , or an adult child, right now, who knows in their heart they are not ever going to want a relationship, but can't explain to their parents, or get any sort of understanding or acceptance from them. And feels that there is no way to ever bridge that gap

Would you say this "do you feel better now you have found a label to show how special you are" to a 14 year old daughter @Sharktopus ? Because you may think you wouldn't, but I guarantee, you already have, if not in so many words.

This is a very common misconception about asexuals - there is no link to autism, or being physically small, or having cold hearted parents, etc etc etc