My dh walked away from his children after fighting to see them for six years - AMA

[Katypp]

Family courts about 12 years ago - things hopefully will have changed by now

Why did he walk away after fighting for so long?

Why?

Why did he have to fight to see them in the first place?

Does he hope they will make contact as adults?

Sometimes men want to win to defeat the mother, but don't want the actual effort of caring for the child

Because numerous social services, CAFCAS reports and reports from the contact centre the court ordered to keep his, ex in line all said there was no reason whatsoever why he could not see them.
Hecwent back to court after all the evidence was gathered, the judge read it and said.....
Things had got so bad that it was time for a fresh start.
He couldn't put his children through any more (his ex involved them massively) so he walked away.

Presumably 12 years later they’re all adults. Has he tried to make contact again?

I don't understand your update at all. Can you be clear why he needed to fight and then walked away?

Yes this. My ex fought for 5 years was denied custody because of his behaviour.
They do it because its all about winning not the child.
When he lost he moved abroad, never paid a penny in maintenance never sent birthday gifts or cards, did nothing basically - pathetic.
DS is 40 now his father constantly tries to blame me for their lack of relationship but luckily DS is not stupid and knows exactly whats what.

@Redebs yes I thought I might get a response along those lines. All men are automatically in the wrong.
@PuttingDownRoots he lives in hope, but their mum has done a very effective job at alianating them completely (as she did with her first husband and his child)
@LadyHarmby no reason other than his ex-wife would not allow it.

I understand why some non-resident parents walk away. Sometimes a child has chosen not to see the other parent and that just has to be accepted. Both parties can move on with their lives. Heartbreaking but what’s the alternative? Years of conflict? Custody battles? Better to just accept things as they are.

My exh was at times suicidal because of his ex and keeping their dc away. When he was awaiting surgery and on sick pay she demanded them each a branded coat costing nearly £100 each (so 2) and when he couldn't she kept them away for months. Another time they fell asleep after a day out without brushing their teeth. Gone again. She agreed all sorts in court then pulled stupid stunts. When they got to teens court said they could decide themselves.. We divorced. So don't know what happened as time went on. But she was very toxic as I witnessed myself. It really isn't always flakey df's.

@Puffalicious he needed to fight because his ex would not allow contact. She wanted 80% of his wages as maintenance for herself, his stepchild and their two children. CSA amount at the time was around £250 a month. She allowed very limited contact (in her home) as long as he paid that, which he did for a year, but things went awray as soon as he tried to reduce it. He had seen her alianate her oldest child from her dad, so he was u der no illusions what would happen, but he just couldn't afford it as was racking up debt just to live.
But a men are evil and all women are saintly, eh?

I don't care how hard it was I would never abandon my child. Not sure what you're hoping to achieve here.

As I say, things have probably changed around PAS, but the stories I could tell.

I don’t think a 3rd party should start an AMA about a family’s situation. You are only involved by association OP.

@RewildingAmbridge Easy to say, isn't? What would you do then?

Well I was in the thick of the aborted contact visits, abandoned holidays and I was interviewed by CAFCAS @Mamette so I was involved, would you not Sat?

I would keep going to court, if there were no grounds for non contact and a contact agreement order in place, every breach I would take back to court. I'd go without, take extra jobs to be able to afford it. No one would take my child away from me. Do you have children?

I don’t fully understand. What did the judge mean by ‘Things had got so bad that it was time for a fresh start.’?
What was the judgement?

@RewildingAmbridge even if the children were being dragged in to 'protect' their mother? If they were told mummy would kill herself if they saw their dad? Do you think that was in their best interest?

Why did he have to reduce it from the 250? He’s clearly got at least 2 kids.

30 quid a week doesn’t do anything to support his children. And he didn’t wish to eve pay that?

What a dull AMA

I’m sure this will get reported but I care very little for men who walk away from their kids, and even less for the new girlfriend or wife whose personality trait becomes fathers 4 justice bullshit

this is literally should be none of your business. I would have ran a mile at his much drama not married it

Sorry OP, I don’t mean to imply this situation didn’t have a huge impact on you, it obviously did.

I mean that the details of the case etc are coming from you here, but you weren’t a party to the case.

Why did he want to reduce the £250 he paid towards his two children?