Had a baby though surrogacy AMA

[Namechange974]

Our daughter joined our family through surrogacy. That is, a surrogate mother carried her and gave birth to her. She is related to my husband but not to me and not to her surrogate mother.

It was a domestic surrogacy in Britain and the Parental Order was approved by the judge some years ago. Our daughter has always been well adjusted and happy. She was not a restless or unresponsive newborn in any way.

I cannot have children of my own due to a health condition. I do however have another child from before the onset of the condition. I won't explain the condition because it is outing. My consultant wrote a letter stating it had become too hazardous for my health to carry a baby.

We met our daughter's surrogate mother, now a good friend, through a website set up for people experiencing secondary fertility. There was a lot of traffic on it at that time but it seems to have been replaced by Facebook now. We didn't advertise for a surrogate (that's illegal) but we did connect with our friend over a shared interest in surrogacy. She was actively looking into it because she had always wanted to be a surrogate mother and had decided the time was right. Treatment was through an IVF clinic.

Our friend says the experience gave her great joy and fulfilment. Our friendship has never wavered over many years. Our daughter knows her and likes her but doesn't have a huge amount of interest in the surrogacy journey itself. No one expects her to.

Expenses wise, we compensated the surrogate mother for an amount that was agreed by the court and suggested by her. We also paid for life insurance as this is good practice.

It's hard to get across just how grateful we are. Every day. For all these years now. I am still humbled and amazed that someone could be so kind. My daughter is a joy to us and lives her life so happily. It's deeply humbling that someone would have gone through the hardship of pregnancy and labour so she could be with us. I'm still speechless with gratitude, really.

If anyone wants to know more about my perspective or experience please ask.

Why should she feel guilty? Pretty sure the person carrying would have consented to this too? Clearly wasn’t forced! Also, this has been going on for years, how amazing is that! I’ve been fortunate to have my own but if I’d any problems I would have gone down the same route.

It’s clear you have suppressed issues of your own. What a spiteful comment. Go work on yourself 👍🏻

You shouldn’t have to justify anything here. Huge congratulations to you and I think it’s amazing that we have surrogacy to help complete a family.

theres a lot of people on here with suppressed anger issues and spiteful comments. Take no notice!

Donor eggs are too recent to be able to do any long term study on how the donor-conceived adult might feel about anonymous donations.
I suspect many won’t be happy about it.

Anyone saying it’s not about making money is kidding themselves. I’m sure there are women who genuinely do want to help but I doubt any of them would do it without money exchanging hands.

Indeed. NGA law explains this and are not happy with the latest proposals from the Law Commission to strictly regulate payments, bemoaning that "this will worsen the shortage of U.K. surrogates".

https://www.ngalaw.co.uk/law-commission-final-report-surrogacy-law-reform-key-takeaways-response/

Yawn

Wow.

Pretending to be bored about potential human rights abuses seems a bit shitty…

Are you OK?

Because you didn’t read anything the op said and haven’t looked at any of her story.

You randomly bumped up a 7 month old thread and now you are complaining that OTHER posters haven’t read the OP? 🤣

It’s perfectly possible to believe ALL surrogacy is a human rights violation, even the ones that don’t have an obvious disaster during the pregnancy stage.

I didn’t bump it at all, it had already been resurrected! I disagree with the very one sided black and white opinions that are instantly aggressive towards the op. You could’ve asked it in a different way. Clearly the op doenst think what you do otherwise she wouldn’t have gone through surrogacy.

I actually think surrogacy is a complex issue, like many things in life. I just get fed up when I read it.

I personally believe a woman should have body autonomy and that includes the right to carry a child that isn’t genetically hers in the right circumstances. In the ops example everybody wins and she’s not alone in that experience.

The same people who push adoption over surrogacy have rarely had to make that decision. It is also rare they actually know anyone in that situation.

I’m more interested in the rights of a child not to be taken from it’s mother at birth, frankly.

Surrogacy is human trafficking. It’s why so many countries have banned it,

Should she put her back in the womb????????

Where is your middle ground?

Surrogacy is human trafficking. It’s why so many countries have banned it,

Religious reasons mainly.

What’s your take on egg donation? Buying a woman’s eggs is paying for her body parts so clearly must also be abhorrent in your mind?

This is hilarious. When a woman wants to be a surrogate, due to love of altruism or hormonal influence whatever and another person/couple desperately want a baby they will love and cherish, then this is the same as human trafficking?

"Human trafficking is the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harbouring or receipt of people through force, fraud, coercion or deception, with the aim of exploiting them for profit." What is human trafficking? - Anti-Slavery International (antislavery.org)

It's not a form of human trafficking the surrogate has more rights than you think. Compared to young children and women who are trafficked and forced into labour and prostitution.

Do you really think women in Colombia and Mexico are breeding babies for foreigners because they just love being pregnant and gifting babies to people who can't get one any other way? That importing these babies purchased abroad doesn't amount to people trafficking?
And what of young women inveigled to risk their health by selling their eggs to help with their college fees (In the USA and other countries where payment is allowed)?
Whilst in the UK young women are urged to "be kind" and gift their eggs, going through all the unpleasantness and risk of ovarian stimulation and egg collection. According to the HFEA the youngest egg donors are 18. I have no idea what would induce an 18 year old to do this but I believe they are likely being coerced at least at a low level of being enthusiastically encouraged and persuaded.
No 18 year old should be doing this, having her ovaries harvested before she is even old enough to understand about the realities of the procedure and of giving away her genes so that she will have a genetic child or children out there somewhere.

Dear Lord that is absolutely horrible. I had no idea.

It's terrifying those ads are permitted, specifically targeting very young women of 18-21. Jesus Christ.

I'm not aware of women in the UK encouraged to be kind in this way? It is usually women with fertility problems giving up some eggs so they can afford a cheap cycle. Something I can't believe anyone would think is ethical for a second but it happens in this country!!!

That importing these babies purchased abroad doesn't amount to people trafficking?

No it's not human trafficking. If an 18 year old wants to give away her eggs then she should have the choice to do that.

"Is surrogacy in Mexico legal?Surrogacy is legal in Mexico due to a Supreme Court decision in 2021... but not all Mexican states have adopted the Court's mandate. Surrogacy-friendly areas like Mexico City will name the intended parents on the baby’s birth certificate. Other states still list the surrogate as the legal mother." https://www.sensiblesurrogacy.com/surrogacy-in-mexico/#faq

Same goes for Columbia you would have been better off talking about Ukrainian surrogates they have no legal right.

I'm not aware of women in the UK encouraged to be kind in this way?

Did you look at the screenshot of the actual advert from London Egg bank for students to do something meaningful this summer? A kind and generous act?

My daughter and her friend were home from uni when an advert from another UK egg bank pooped into their Instagram.
Students absolutely are targeted in the UK. Hence the HFEA revealing that the youngest egg donors are just 18.

I looked at what you'd posted and thought it was a US link - my mistake. Didn't click on them. Yes, it seems out of line and I'm surprised given the tight regulation around surrogacy.

How do you feel about women being offered cheap chances at IVF if they trade in some of their eggs? It might be their only way to afford it but I feel they're being exploited nonetheless - the thought of their cycle not working out and their wanted biological child growing up with another couple seems all kinds of wrong to me.

UK egg bank pooped

That should read "popped"