I'm a wedding registrar. AMA

[kardashianklone]

I'm a wedding registrar working across several boroughs. Summer is peak wedding time but we've been busy since coming out of lockdown. I've seen every type of wedding and behaviour you can imagine. Here to help with any questions! AMA!

Oooh I have some questions (they're on a more personal note but could be useful for others)

1. We've booked the registrar to come out for our ceremony but it's too far out to give notice. We've had the email confirmation but i'm guessing we don't need to do anything now until we give notice (we're currently 18 months out so we'll do it probably May time next year )

2. What do you do if people are forgetful or aren't 100% accurate in the interview? Let's say my fiance is a "Senior Software and Data mechanical engineer" (He isn't it's just an example) but I said he's a "Software engineer" does this count or do you need the full thing?

3. What questions do you ask when people give notice?

4. What's the busiest day (i'm guessing Saturdays?). What do you think of midweek weddings?

Congratulations on your wedding to be!

So ;

1. Not much for the registrars to do now as it's so far out, but they will get back in touch for any final payments and then to discuss the details. Feel free to follow up closer to the time with them.

1. During the pre ceremony interview we will go over everything you put down when you gave notice. So if your job has changed or your want to adjust the title, that's fine you can do it then. It's normal that people might want to tweak the title slightly, no problem.

1. The questions are - your name, dob, address, your marital status (ie if you have been married before, will need to show proof of divorce etc), your job title, your parents details- name and occupation, how you sign (what does your signature represent), who your witness will be.

1. Busiest days - before covid I would say sat, but now... every day! Sat still popular, I can do 10 on a sat. Sundays are relatively quiet. Weds also a popular day. Choose the day that you want and works for your budget.

When we got married, my wife wasn't talking to her dad so left the "father" details blank, they have since reconciled and as I am a keen genealogist I would love for him to be on there, can this be added on later? We got married in 2017.

From what I understand, you can apply for a correction if there was a mistake (like a spelling error), which will cost £90. However you can not add new information (like parents details), unfortunately. But feel free to check out gov.uk/correct-marriage-registration or contact the register office where you marriage was registered.

Interesting thread, thanks! DH and I got married in 2020 under the 30 people maximum rule and the registrars seemed quite happy to be actually doing a wedding! How many restricted weddings did you do?

I got talked out of walking down the aisle to the Imperial March from Star Wars (ended up with What A Wonderful World). Has anyone actually had that at one of your weddings?

Do you have another job as well? How many people are registrars as a second job?

DH forgot how old I was as the booking appointment and had to come out of the interview to check with me. On the actual day, he forgot how old he was and made himself a year older and his incorrect age is on our marriage certificate 🙄Do people forget basic details about themselves a lot?

I did a lot of restricted weddings once we were legally allowed to, very small, no readings, no singing, no ring exchange, masks on (except for registrar and couples), sanitising the pen you use to sign the wedding certificate. Some couples quite liked the fact it was so heavily restricted as it meant family couldn't argue about who was and wasn't invited, and kept the weddings smaller and cheaper.

I think I've heard all possible songs! Lots of music from films including Fantasia, Raiders of the Lost Arc, Star Wars etc. Personally I quite like just a harp, very calming and serene.

Oh gosh so normal. Happens at least every other wedding! I've had people forget their own middle names, their parents names, and a groom once had to call his mum to ask her his own date of birth. Had a bride forget her address and she panicked and gave a completely made up one, so we had to call her dad in (she lived with her parents) to double check. Did a wedding on Saturday and the groom was so emotional he forgot his brides name!

Regarding the jobs- sessional registrars tend to have full time jobs or other part time jobs (they tend to work the weekends) but some registrars work full time. Depends on the council- the more venues that are licensed, and the more weddings that are booked, require more registrars, so you might see a recruitment drive every few years. Sessional registrars are put on a rota so they get told which days they will be working, and then the week before they get told which weddings they are doing. So if you don't hear from your registrar until a week before, that's literally because the registrar hasn't been given your details yet to make contact. Registrars might change at last minute if someone is out sick, has covid, their trains aren't running at the weekend etc.

In that case, you might be pleased to read that my eventual aisle music choice was What A Wonderful World played on the harp. Very tasteful.

Good to know that DH isn't alone. I can't really talk as I spelled my own name wrong on DD's birth certificate. That was fun when we applied for visas to China...

My daughter had her interview to give notice a few weeks ago and the wedding is in two weeks. She forgot to add mine and my husband's middle names to the information about parents.
Does this matter please?

That's fine, she can add in the names and make corrections when she has her pre ceremony interview on the day. Once the wedding is over and the marriage certificate is signed, spelling corrections can be made but then it will cost £90. If she does it on the day, no charge.

Thank you so much for answering! I was worried it might be a problem if she mentioned it on the day.

Honestly, so normal! Information tends to go in one ear and out the other on wedding days! I had a witness once- I showed her clearly where she needed to sign, and marked it, and clarified again and then god knows what happened but she scrawled her name across the ENTIRE marriage certificate diagonally so no one else could sign. That was stressful.

This is a really interesting thread, thank you!

My Mother and my biological father split when she was pregnant. I’ve never had any contact with him and because they weren’t married on my birth certificate it says ‘unknown’ for father.

My mum and step father got married when I was 3, and he is my dad as far as everyone is concerned- I frequently forget he’s not actually my father! Could he be listed on a marriage certificate when I give my parents details?

Re 3. I thought they asked you questions about your spouse to be, not yourself? Sorry if I’m being thick.

I don’t think either of us have signed anything for years, it’s all digital signatures we’ve saved and just put on every document 😂😂😂

Our job titles also change regularly depending on the flavour /contract of the month so we’ll just have to put sth generic….

What sort of questions are asked in the pre wedding interview?
& is the father of the bride asked anything?
Thank you x

When mum died I noticed that my parent’s wedding certificate was incorrect. Her ‘father’ was named as the man married to my grandmother, rather than her real father and given my mums surname rather than his own. I know unwed mothers were a hush hush and swept under the carpet but does something invalid on a wedding certificate like that invalidate it? I’m guessing the registrar at the time just presumed mum and her ‘father’ would have the same surname. This was in the 1960s. (Mum and dad were very happily married until her death.)

I never knew there was a pre wedding interview until this thread, that’s interesting.

OP, does it out you off going to weddings for friends and family, or has it put you off getting married yourself?

I used to work at weddings myself, I was very lowly wait staff between the age of 16-20. The hotels I worked at did at least two weddings a week so I went to hundreds and they were absolutely awful. We were spoken to like absolute dirt if we were spoken to at all. We used to get earfuls from the wedding coordinator if we even made eye contact with a member of the wedding party, only the senior staff were supposed to “liaise” with the “top table” which meant lots of us young wait staff, little more than kids, used to come in line for a right load of abuse from both guests and the senior staff. Couldn’t do right for wrong, I’ve been called stupid, dim witted, fucking deaf, and a cunt by brides and grooms, cleaned up the most disgusting messes, been groped in public or pulled onto the dance floor by drunken men more times than I can count. It was all such a pressured environment, if you got one single thing wrong it was the end of the world and you were in line for a right load of trouble. Seems like at weddings, no one is allowed to get the drink order a bit mixed up or trip over or drop something or walk a certain well used corridor because someone is posing for a photo and you’ve ruined it. Is this your experience or maybe you don’t get this level of abuse as you are in a position of power?

how long is your workday? To wait on one wedding was a 12 hour shift, often stretching to 13 cleaning up, and we never seemed to qualify for a break. Wouldn’t stand for it now. But, I was totally put off weddings and it takes a lot to get me to go to one now.

No problem at all, it happens a lot, she just needs to tell the registrars that she wants to correct the names.

Seen any wacky or otherwise notable bride or groom outfits?

Happily the law changed recently and you can include the details of up to 4 parents, so this will include biological, step and adoptive parents, so you can add him

Lord yes, but I will only ever say the couple looks fabulous! I've seen dreadful outfits, but that's just opinion and I keep it to myself. I've had couples in bikinis, dressed as ewoks, full on goth regalia, designer dresses that look great on the catwalk but shocking in real life, full on meringue dresses with fairy lights and paper butterflies sew onto them. You name it, I've seen it!

The reason I chose to be a registrar is because I never want to get married! But I still wanted to be part of those happy moments so I thought of I couldn't do it for myself, then I could do it for others.

The working day can be long- we have to go to the office and pick up the documentation and then we have to go to the venue an hour before the wedding, then do the wedding, and then go to the next wedding. So if you are in the registry office it's a bit easier as no traipsing around and you can do more weddings as you don't lose time going from place to place. Once all the weddings are done you have to go back to the office to put the paperwork in the vault.

And to answer your question, no I haven't experienced abuse, but I have had some challenging couples or guests who think they can tell me how to run the ceremony, or what is legal and what isn't. They are politely and kindly corrected.