My partner is addicted to crack and heroin AMA

[Adventuritis]

Just want to be able to help if anyone has suspicions about a loved one...
There are so many misconceptions.

@LaMainDeFatima

Such an interesting thread .thanks for sharing

Does he have kids?

No he doesn't

Do you see him as your partner for life now?

Sorry maybe it's because I've used drugs (not heroin) and I've been around lots of people who used and sold drugs, I think you still sound quite naive. Very kind and forgiving, he's lucky to have you, but very naive. Hope things stay good for you both!

@TheGoodEnoughWife

Yes *@CodenameVillanelle* I have seen and apologised for missing that bit.

If he was honest with his support worker could he have more methadone in order to not have to use the other drugs? I don't know how it works!

Do you think many/most of people that are getting méthadone scripts are using on top?

I would say the vast majority on methadone are also using alongside it.

@ApolloandDaphne

If his drug worker knew he was still using, his methadone script would be stopped. It is very dangerous to use both.

The drug workers are well aware that most are still using on top. Is unusual if they aren't

What kind of unsavoury people does he mix with to get his fix?

How can he afford it ? Aren’t you worried he’ll start stealing from you?

Why are you that desperate for a man you’ll put up with this?

How old is he?

How did you meet him? I couldn't get past the dishonesty at the start. Does he lie about other things?

@Adventuritis

With regards to his drug worker, they call him for 5 minutes once every 6-8 weeks so while I don't agree with him lying to them I think it's better to keep lines of communication open for when he's ready to try again. If you're not already in the system it takes ages to get in by which time many have lost the motivation. Also he needs his methadone script or would use more just to be well.

With regards to the cost you're looking at about £50 a day most days - UC and PIP can pretty much cover this plus there's a few legit jobs here and there.

He's on methadone and using, yes it's hard to get the help at first but think off someone who is desperately trying to get help and your dp is taking up a space that could go to someone else this is why it takes so long because people like your dp taking up spaces when they don't ever intent to get clean

Thank you for the thread OP. It is very interesting and you sound like a lovely person.

Surely his UC or PIP doesn't give him his £350 a week for his £50 a day habit ? And even with a little casual work.

How old is he?
Does he have contact with his family ?
Are you worried about him upsetting a dealer or someone and them knowing where you live or finding your children ?

Do your children have contact with him? If so do you feel guilty about lying to them and them mixing with a crack addict without consenting ?

I'm not sure if you live together but could you live separately and still see him. That way he has to pay for his own rent and drugs, it is not your job to provide him with lodgings and food. Sorry if you already live apart.

If he doesn’t have kids then why does he qualify for enough UC to find £50 x 31 a month on drugs? Plus pay food, bills, rent etc? I don’t even earn enough to cover that habit alone and I work full time and don’t get any benefits? Seems messed up that the state give him thousands of money for UC so much so that he can afford £1550 a month on drugs alone?

Op, I just want to tell you that it’s ok not to accept that a partner has an addiction, if that addiction impacts your life negatively.

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone who was an alcoholic, a gambler, a very heavy smoker, very obese through food addiction........

You should value yourself enough to choose a partner who can look outside of their addiction and enjoy the world and all it has to offer, rather than the narrow focus of where to get their next fix. You are missing out on so much.

Also, I’ve been on universal credit and it’s about £320 per month, not including housing, so there’s no way your partner isn’t doing something to obtain more money.

If he’s getting anything on credit, consider you may be involved in the repayment of that debt and it won’t be fun. How will your partner support you with that scenario?

I apologise for being misinformed. I am a retired SW and the drug agency I liaised with would not prescribe methadone to someone who was using. Perhaps things have changed over the past 10 years in this respect.

What age os your DP? Why is he in receipt of PIP? I don't know much about this and am genuinely interested to know if it is related to his drug use.

That's one thing we keep going back to is blame. Whenever anything goes wrong he has an excuse or someone/ something to blame. It annoys me and I totally agree that he can't control circumstances but can at least try and control his own reaction to them. He's recently started taking responsibility for things so much more. Sometimes it's like his head is stuck at 7 years old!

Classic. I feel for you OP.

Would you go to a SMART friends and family meeting? Would he consider going to SMART? They're really good meetings. All online, no God stuff and you don't have to join in if you doing want to you can just listen.

I'm nearly 8 months sober and it's honestly like coming back to life.

Where do you see this relationship going? If your DP lives long enough to become elderly (I'm assuming you're in your fifties given you have adult dc, and that your partner is similar ) do you see yourselves together through your sixties/seventies? What does that look like? It doesn't look very happy and restful from here. Did you have plans for travel? How will that work?

He must be delighted to have found you.

Shooting up three times a day- snowballs no less- is ok. Four times is a bit naughty though! Ha ha.

Best of luck OP.

OP is there a reason you've thrown yourself into a world where you are involved with so many drug users? You seem to have lived a relatively normal life before?

From this thread it sounds like your one of those people who are lovely and are kind natured by heart, you wasn’t made that way you was born that way.

Unfortunately a lot of kind natured people get taken advantage of.

Your being taken advantage of now and you also sound like a romantic who thinks this will turn into a fairy tale love of you saving him.

The reality is years from now you would have wasted your time and part of your life and see you was fighting a lost battle.

I feel for you, especially as you do genuinely sound like a nice person.

If your dp lives long enough to become elderly..

Let's face it, there's no such thing as an elderly heroin addict

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

OP is there a reason you've thrown yourself into a world where you are involved with so many drug users? You seem to have lived a relatively normal life before?

Yes, the zestful, invested way the OP writes about this reminds me of someone with a new boyfriend whose obsessive hobby they’ve adopted as their own, so suddenly they’re off training for triathlons or caving or cycling or something, and are hugely involved in this whole new world they would never have considered before.

I tend to assume there’s some defensiveness and self-protection involved in both cases. OP, you’re entitled to not find his drug addiction ok, you know. Even if you’re not prepared to end the relationship yet.

My DH had multiple strokes which resulted in life changing brain and physical disabilities but can't get PIP because he's not disabled enough, apparently. So he continues to work FT even though he's not really well enough to do so and it will probably send him to an early grave.

But the OP's scumbag DP who has ADHD and and a drug habit, gets PIP and UC but also works on the side. And that's not including the cost of drug support workers and methadone prescriptions which he probably flogs in any case.

Fucking marvellous.

But hey OP, your DP is apparently a really nice guy so that's alright then.

My question to the OP is how do you feel comfortable tolerating an industry where thousands if not millions of people worldwide are killed and tortured plus all the coerced/trafficked women incarcerated in jails worldwide who have smuggled drugs just so your DP can have his daily fix?

Paragraph failure....they were there when I wrote that last post.

I"m sorry OP, my post was harsh and I dont like to be judgemental or rude on mumsnet.

As others have said, you sound normal and nice. What on earth do you get out of this relationship?

That's one thing we keep going back to is blame. Whenever anything goes wrong he has an excuse or someone/ something to blame. It annoys me and I totally agree that he can't control circumstances but can at least try and control his own reaction to them. He's recently started taking responsibility for things so much more. Sometimes it's like his head is stuck at 7 years old!

Is this what you want for your life, OP? A stoned manchild who is never going to work, to take you out (after Covid), whose focus is putting crap in his veins? Who's happy to lie to his drug counsellors?

My best friend was an addict and the addiction took away everything that made her wonderful. She died at 32 leaving debts everywhere.