My partner is addicted to crack and heroin AMA

[Adventuritis]

Just want to be able to help if anyone has suspicions about a loved one...
There are so many misconceptions.

@ApolloandDaphne where does it say he is using méthadone also?

I do think those saying he is wasting the support he is being given are probably vastly overestimating what that support is!

Apologies @ApolloandDaphne I see he is using Methadone as well.

Does that make him much more addicted OP? If he needs all he is having to feel 'normal' then surely that is now quite a lot?

Have you considered having an emergency pack of Naloxone as a just in case measure? It can be lifesaving but if you need to use it, remember that it will not be appreciated at all at the time.

Has he considered trying any therapies like maintenance prescribing (methadone or subutex) or even to tone down the cravings like auricular acupuncture?

Although if he is using several times a day he has a very strong habit and isn't wanting to give up as he is being enabled to do what he wants and I'm willing to guess that daily living tasks like paying bills, rent, food etc are not the first priority when he gets some money, it's always the drugs.

Are you using protection for your own sake if you are having sex as I have known users to trade their body for drugs which then having unprotected sex with you puts you at risk as you in turn are having sex with possibly many others unaware of the risks to yourself.

Have you considered going to therapy for yourself as you need support to deal with all of this, you can't save him from himself, only he can make that choice but you are enabling him and that's not healthy for you. Also as a partner you will need support in your own right, remember in his mind that the drugs come first.

Remember if it comes down to it and a choice between your life on the line and drugs, 99% sure the answer is always drugs. The answer to everything is drugs.

The feeling of getting one over on the support worker, does he have any medical conditions as I can guess that any medical appointments come down to him trying to see what he can get. This is very familiar.

I have a ex friend (platonic) who I have known all my life, drugs is the first thing in his mind no matter what the situation.

His partner who when she was admitted to hospital and was being given morphine by the Dr, he distracted the Dr very briefly who looked over his shoulder and in that moment he stole the syringe which was just under the partners skin but not injected yet and ran locking himself in the bathroom and getting a hit. That was her breaking point as it was the drugs, always the drugs before anything else.

I know you might not take any of this on board but protect yourself and remember you can only ever be second to drugs. I wish you luck.

[quote TheGoodEnoughWife]@ApolloandDaphne where does it say he is using méthadone also?

I do think those saying he is wasting the support he is being given are probably vastly overestimating what that support is!

[/quote]
She said he sees his drug worker to maintain his methadone script

You say you're united in your fight against it, but what is he actually doing to fight it? It doesn't sound like he is trying to stop.

@SmileyClare

At least one of his friends has died each month I've known him, it's tragic! so 24 of his friends have died in the 2 years you've known him?

Do you think addicts are truthful? Do you think addicts should ever take responsibility for their own actions or should all blame for their addiction be laid squarely on the bad hand they've been dealt in life?

That's one thing we keep going back to is blame. Whenever anything goes wrong he has an excuse or someone/ something to blame. It annoys me and I totally agree that he can't control circumstances but can at least try and control his own reaction to them. He's recently started taking responsibility for things so much more. Sometimes it's like his head is stuck at 7 years old! Other times he's as wise as someone twice his age. Everyone is different, but at least he accepts that his lifestyle is impossible and needs to change. He's desperate to get out if it but it's hard. I do believe he can do it.

@TheGoodEnoughWife

I disagree with the others and think you sound like you understand his addiction very well and I also agree that his addiction could be to anything. Unlucky it is to drugs. Food would be more socially acceptable (Although still not that accepted) or he could control food intake or have OCD - all much more accepted and juts circumstances.

I too would be worried about Hep C or HIV though as others have suggested. How do you feel about that?

Thank you for sharing. It is very interesting.

OP does sound understanding why wouldn’t she be? She’s spent a lot of time with her partner. She clearly believes what her partner says but it must be damaging to OP surely and I think if anything tragic was to happen to her partner it would quickly unfold.

The poster who mentioned the stealing thing if he’s an addict he definitely would steal and like she says it’s the addiction. OP probably gives him money when he has ran out of drugs so need for him to still from her as such.

Yes @CodenameVillanelle I have seen and apologised for missing that bit.

If he was honest with his support worker could he have more methadone in order to not have to use the other drugs? I don't know how it works!

Do you think many/most of people that are getting méthadone scripts are using on top?

There are so many misconceptions

Such as?

Op did say he's on a methadone script.

I wish you well Op. Please don't believe his claims that he wants to detox and recover. That's the mantra of all long term heroin users. Better to judge him on his actions.

Are you prepared to accept he'll likely never change his 20 year habit? Do you think you should put yourself first and protect yourself from pain by pulling back now?

Yes I do agree @SnickersnotMArs.

It seems a bit like someone that is in an abusive relationship. All is fine if you are agreeing with everything they do or say but if you didn't then they would turn on you.

I feel if this status quo continues and he can always afford the drugs all will be well (until it kills him) but I would scared something would happen whereas he couldn't get the drugs and turns.

If his drug worker knew he was still using, his methadone script would be stopped. It is very dangerous to use both.

@Adventuritis

With regards to his drug worker, they call him for 5 minutes once every 6-8 weeks so while I don't agree with him lying to them I think it's better to keep lines of communication open for when he's ready to try again. If you're not already in the system it takes ages to get in by which time many have lost the motivation. Also he needs his methadone script or would use more just to be well.

With regards to the cost you're looking at about £50 a day most days - UC and PIP can pretty much cover this plus there's a few legit jobs here and there.

Well, it's good to know that benefits are being used wisely.

Who was that awful Tory MP who claimed that FSM needed to be paid in vouchers since the cash would be wasted on drugs and fags? he'd have a field day with your DP, OP.

The whole tenor of this thread is bizarre. You seem to be almost proud of your dp, OP. What exactly are the "misconceptions" you refer to in your OP?

How did you meet him?

Are your children aware?

You sound like a lovely person Op but can you rescue him, can your love save him ? I think it's doubtful.

Does he sell the methadone he gets through lying and that is funded by the NHS to line the pockets of a scum bag dealer to fuel his addiction?

How can you bare to have him in the house? Does he contribute anything aside from spending every penny he has on himself, and his addiction?

I’ve met a few drug users in my time line of work it’s not my direct field. I have known a lady who got herself clean and found a job... she did so well. I have known someone who was a well to do alcoholic and died. Another drug user who was maybe your average and I met his partner and family. Honestly I do believe it’s to do with your start in life and a product of your environment to some extent. That cannot be your excuse in life forever. Life is hard for many of us.

Hats off to you OP it must be heartbreaking for you too. I know I couldn’t do it.

Deep down I’m a believer in things can be done. It’s like people who are over weight they want to convince themselves they cannot loose weight because they know someone who can eat cake and not put a pound on... it doesn’t mean it can’t be done you just have to work harder.

@TheGoodEnoughWife

Yes *@CodenameVillanelle* I have seen and apologised for missing that bit.

If he was honest with his support worker could he have more methadone in order to not have to use the other drugs? I don't know how it works!

Do you think many/most of people that are getting méthadone scripts are using on top?

Yes lots do. Methadone doesn't provide a high that heroin does so unless the person is really motivated they will still struggle to give up heroin even if they aren't withdrawing. They have a maximum dose they will usually prescribe so it's not just a case of upping the methadone dose. However it's important that prescribers knows what the heroin usage is to be able to do harm minimisation with the client.

@ApolloandDaphne

If his drug worker knew he was still using, his methadone script would be stopped. It is very dangerous to use both.

Not the case that the script would be stopped, but it is dangerous to use both if the prescriber doesn't know the client is using on top.

Sonic his money goes on drugs, how does he pay for accommodation and food etc?

Ah, so he's on a methadone programme, but still taking a fair amount of drugs everyday, therefore wasting resources. Classic sign of someone who will never kick the habit. He's not even trying.
We have quite a few drug addicts in the family. My ds's biological dad just died due to an over dose, so I have plenty of experience being around addicts so I'm not just making assumptions here. You are being very niave to think he will stop after a 20 year addiction. Also, there is no way that benefits are covering a £50 or more a day habbit. Thats around £350 a week. Where does he get that kind of money with no job? Addicts are liars and he is almost certainly lying to you.
You are not helping him, you are facilitating and condoning what he does. You have a very bizarre attitude to it.

I’m the ex partner of a addict. You need to get out of this dynamic, you’re living a half life and he’ll keep you stunted. I had to ask how my partners addiction was serving me, it’s a dysfunctional love, you need to address this. Good luck, it’s not easy work.

The whole tenor of this thread is bizarre. You seem to be almost proud of your dp

I agree, the whole tone is baffling to me too. Example; "I'd much rather this than an alcoholic!" I mean, that's hardly an accolade is it? There's almost a pride in being au fait with his drug use, the way you've made friends with his fellow users, the fact that you "understand" someone who has dropped out of life as if it's edgy and streetwise and a bit exciting.

Em, you're the one who needs help, OP, not others!

Is that why you started the thread? If you need support and strength to leave, I'm sure more than a few of us Mumsnetters would be happy to do what we can.

What’s the point of your relationship? What do you get out of it? Don’t you think you’re just enabling him rather than helping him?