My partner is addicted to crack and heroin AMA

[Adventuritis]

Just want to be able to help if anyone has suspicions about a loved one...
There are so many misconceptions.

The op sees this as a project. She knows she isn't going to be with him long term. She sees it as interesting

Why do you have such low self-esteem that you don;t think you can do better than this waster?

No such thing as an old drug addict... unfortunately these days there is. They get dementia from methadone about 50 and end up in care homes alongside the elderly.

No question here but I have read the whole thing and would like to say thank you for this thread. You are obviously a very balanced person and he is lucky to have you in his life.

'There but for the grace of God go I'

How depressing Supersimkin

How many of you are with partners who drink every day, or screw around, or do things you'd rather they didn't??

Hm. Mine vocalises his sneezes: is that the sort of thing you mean?

But seriously. I wouldn't be with a partner who screwed around (), and I would be attempting to offer concerned advice to anyone who was. I would be having serious words with any partner who drank every day, and mentally preparing to leave if they refused to change that.

Your blithe assumption that a serious drug addiction is just one of the many charming little flaws that one has to put up with to have a man is worrying. And the line I could give up any time I wanted to is telling.

OP do you not think there is a better life out there for you? You seem to accept this as all quite normal. It really isn't.

How bad is the crack?
Can he make his own?
Is his supply steady?

@Bananalanacake

I'm not sure if you live together but could you live separately and still see him. That way he has to pay for his own rent and drugs, it is not your job to provide him with lodgings and food. Sorry if you already live apart.

We have lived together in the past but not currently for the reasons you state. He gets all the good, clothing, toiletries he needs from homeless charities- which I also disagree with! Before I'm slated for that!

@Bulldoglady

If he doesn’t have kids then why does he qualify for enough UC to find £50 x 31 a month on drugs? Plus pay food, bills, rent etc? I don’t even earn enough to cover that habit alone and I work full time and don’t get any benefits? Seems messed up that the state give him thousands of money for UC so much so that he can afford £1550 a month on drugs alone?

I totally agree but unfortunately the benefits system see addiction as justification for PIP or ESA... wrong I agree but I didn't make the rules.

Honestly, it's just a case of him popping to the loo 2 or 3 times a day and coming back a little more relaxed!

If you say so.

@Backbee

Does he sell the methadone he gets through lying and that is funded by the NHS to line the pockets of a scum bag dealer to fuel his addiction?

How can you bare to have him in the house? Does he contribute anything aside from spending every penny he has on himself, and his addiction?

No he doesn't sell the methadone. I suppose this is what I mean by misconceptions. He's not continually (not ever) slumped in a corner with a needle in his arm. He cooks, he cleans, he works on my car, we go out or watch a film. We have as close to a normal life as most other people. He uses a small amount at a time to keep cravings under control as opposed to using to get high.

Why are you with him? Seriously?

My partner was a heroin addict. I agree there are a lot of misconceptions and the help offered is an absolute joke.

He however kept working (higher rate tax payer) up until the day he killed himself as he couldn't carry on. He still lied and stole from me. You're kidding yourself if you think he won't.

You deserve better.

No he doesn't sell the methadone.
I suppose this is what I mean by misconceptions. He's not continually (not ever) slumped in a corner with a needle in his arm. He cooks, he cleans, he works on my car, we go out or watch a film. We have as close to a normal life as most other people. He uses a small amount at a time to keep cravings under control as opposed to using to get high.

He's using to get high otherwise methadone would be enough to keep the cravings at bay and using both come on you really can't be that naive to think otherwise

@ApolloandDaphne

What age os your DP? Why is he in receipt of PIP? I don't know much about this and am genuinely interested to know if it is related to his drug use.

Most of them that I know receive a PIP, partly for drug use but also for other issues such as ADHD or Bi polar. I I'm not saying this is right and before I had first hand experience of this world I would have been outraged! However they are, genuinely, unable to hold down full time work for a myriad of reasons and often this is because one way or another they have been let down by society. I agree that many people have hard lives and problems and this is no excuse but some people are stronger than others and some just don't have the tools to help themselves. I think this is something that should be addressed - particularly in the prison system.

This is such an eye-opener and I guess you could 'do better' OP but good on you supporting and understanding him - doesn't sound like anyone else ever has.

I love being single but it's interesting, I've learnt so much
I could give up anytime I wanted to, and maybe I will
I have the time and energy to put into this
I just want to help anyone

These are all your statements Op. Do you think you'd be better suited to training as a drugs counsellor? You have a lot to give but it seems like (as mentioned by pp) you're almost using your partner as a project ?

I've no doubt you've had your eyes opened to drug addiction but I'm not sure you're qualified to speak with such authority on the subject (yet!) There's a danger you're minimising the complexities of opiate dependency, the real sordid ugly, soul destroying truth and overestimating the role you can play?

He is a damaged man.
He's self medicating all his emotions because he knows no other way and now cannot cope with real feelings. It will not be easy to just "give him up anytime" and walk away. You're essentially propping up a vulnerable addict and being quite blase about removing that support if you tire of it.

I think you need to be careful what you're throwing yourself into here, and the dependency your partner has on you.

Op all drug addicts are manipulative liars they are experts at it. You need to walk away before this destroys you.

You say your children are grown up would you be happy to have any future grandchildren round him?

The whole tenor of this thread is bizarre. You seem to be almost proud of your dp very weird. To be proud is just - weird.

OP have you ever looked into the mechanics of the drug trade? Never seen the human cost? It's not jsut the end-user (your P), it's the abuse, torture, killing of everyone in the way, or even in the gangs, and that includes women and children. Tortured and killed to get them out of the way of the supply chain to your P.

But if it makes him feel good for half a day, it is worth it, right?

The monetary cost is one thing, but I couldn't be with anyone who lived for the feel-good of killing others. By being with him, by being proud of his struggle, you are condoning it. There should be consequences for him for the deaths he's agreeing to.

And it's NOT like alcoholism or obesity or smoking; it doesn't cost lives, young lives, to supply.

@Adventuritis
You sound deluded and you are trying to make hard drugs sound acceptable! If he is on methadone, he cannot be a pretty sight - his teeth must be falling out by now. You realise it seeps into the body and can make your bone marrow green. Absolutely rank!

Of course he's nice to be round - he doesn't have to work - he's off his face for the majority of the day, and he will be very pleasant to you as he knows who to get stuff off.

I don't believe you when you say you don't fund his habit. Every time you feed him or pay something for him, you enable him to buy more drugs. He doesn't get enough money to live and pay for crack, so he must be doing something illegal to pay for it. Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Op I'm a message away if you ever need to talk,I'm a child of a "addict" just like your DP, it's a hard cycle,OP your DP probably gets his fixes of other users that can spare a little but he will also do the same addicts are known liars and often sell/pawn things in for there "addiction",I'm sorry to say this OP but your DP will tell you everything you want to hear about coming clean just to make you stay! Your worth more then this!! for all the other People that are blinded to the drug world,there are old drug users that don't have dementia are able bodied but sadly will probably never change!
Also just because they have an "addiction" dose not make them a SCUMBAG! lots of people have addictions to other things like cigarette,food that would never be classed as a SCUMBAG!

What sort of background are you from OP?

No offence but this all sounds a bit privileged background girl enjoying her bit of rough. Apologies if I'm wrong on that but that's how it sounds to me.

I had a very close family member who was a heroin addict from a young age. He stole and lied his whole live including burgling the family home numerous times and doing a very long stretch in prison for armed robbery. He didn't have a good life and died from liver cancer caused by Hep C at a young age. Not anything I would wish on my worst enemy let alone family.

I really hope you can see that you are worth more than this and can get out. I wish you well.

Wow OP, what a can of worms your openness and candour has brought with it! Personally l feel that as long as this is genuinely your choice and you really want to be with him as he is right now, then no one has the right to tell you you are wrong or naive or throw the 'you clearly have low self esteem card' at you!
I too have experience in this field and it has shown me that no one can make anyone recover BUT we can choose to love them and IF they can find the courage, tenacity and motivation to change then the possibility is there.
The way the system is set up is not your fault and as long as you have clear boundaries in your relationship (I hope he has never been aggressive or violent towards you and knows how to keep his using acceptable to you) and you are looking after yourself, then it is not up to anyone else to tell you what to do.
Trauma is the gateway drug and as you say, he is using in order to escape the noise in his head. I can totally relate to that. Would he be willing to try alternatives to picking up, in order to achieve the same results? IF he is genuinely interested then meditation with a specialist in the field of addiction can be life changing. It may also help you too as clearly however much you love him, this is not an easy situation for you.
How old are your adult children? Why have you chosen not to tell them?
You strike me as a very special soul and I have a lot of respect for you. Your life. Your choice. Just remember that YOU matter too and if it gets too much for you or you decide you want a different life, there is absolutely no shame in walking away.

@Frenchblue

This is such an eye-opener and I guess you could 'do better' OP but good on you supporting and understanding him - doesn't sound like anyone else ever has.

Thank you

How do you meet a drug addict? And how long before you suspected something ( or maybe you didn't) Surely spending a day together it would of been hard to his?

I'm assuming he could gradually reduce the amount he uses over a long time. Is he doing this?