My partner is addicted to crack and heroin AMA

[Adventuritis]

Just want to be able to help if anyone has suspicions about a loved one...
There are so many misconceptions.

I'm guessing this is about the OP not a partner

@Pinotpleasure

I’ve just binged-watched “The Serpent” true life drama series on the BBC iPlayer.

There seems to be a similarity between the character traits of French-Canadian ‘Monique’ (acted by Jenna Coleman) and the O/P Adventuritis

Yeah because ones in thrall to a charming, suave psychopath who gives her a life of money, exotic travel, jewells and grand hotels and the other has a boyfriend who spends all her his money on junk and barely leaves the sofa!

Not sure what you're seeing here?

Come back OP!
FWIW me and my ex had a lot of sex when she was using. It didn't seem to make a difference but it may do for a man, not sure.

Women don't have erection issues so it's not the same.

I don't think many addicts give up drugs because they're upset by the human cost and implications to other people!! hmm - right, and what does that make them?

You know what - I think he's on a winner here. I think we should all just sit back, jack up, get someone else to pay for that. Why the fuck do I drag myself out of bed at 630, out into all weathers to sit behind a desk for 6 hours, to make money that I spend on food, clothes, mortgage...
Why shouldn't we all sit at home, get someone else to bring me second-hand clothes, food, send me money, phone me to make sure I've got enough money and substitute drugs, take me on holiday, have sex, basically look after me?

Why do I lie awake worrying about paying the mortgage, making sure other people are clothed and fed and clean and healthy - Why not get OP or someone like her to do it all for me? i could cite a neglectful childhood, or unspoken verbal abuse, or whatever else I can blame,is stopping me from actually living a decent life and putting in to society rather than taking - and living the life of Reilly, laughing all the while. What a Life!!!!

Except, of course, if we all did that, there'd be no money, no methadone, no-one to bring you food or clothing or drive you on holiday or have sex; we'd all be waiting for someone else to do it for us.

It's the absolute epitome of selfish and self-absorbed and it is hugely unattractive (to most people, but not apparently to you) and yes, maybe he should be thinking of the human cost.

As should you, if you are with him and seemingly strangely proud of him, and therefore condoning the murder and torture of children yourself.

Op says " ask me anything!" But fails to add " but i won't answer any of your questions!

mabel yes that's true. I wonder if it affects their erection or if it depletes their drive? Or both

I'm noticing a thread with AMA threads.
So often they are not AMA, they are ''Support my cognitive Dissonance''

Op, I asked a question further up. I would really love you to answer it.

@Adventuritis

What do you do for a living OP?

And also, I'm sorry but I don't believe somebody could afford £50 per day on drugs while on benefits. Do you think (or know) that's he's doing other things for money? Like prostitution or fraud, theft etc.

Do your children know, OP?

I only ask because I knew someone who had grown up children. She ended up sucked into her new partner's addiction. She took up the addiction herself and died from it- her partner is still alive!

Even before she got addicted herself, her once beloved children, one of whom had recently had her first grandchild, had gone NC because they simply did not want the issues her partner had brought into their own lives. Their mother was consumed by him and obsessed with his needs and care.

I only ask because I feel I would do the same in their position. If I found out a family member was spending a lot of time with someone who was taking drugs, I would not want to be around them much and my children wouldn't be within a million miles.

Are you prepared to alienate your children and future grandchildren over this man?

@SmileyClare oh I agree, totally agree that he’s a victim too and has mental health difficulties.

I’m just shining a light of the cost to the OP, the maths doesn’t add up. Also making the OP aware of the fact that addiction isn’t only harming her partner.

She seems to think it’s all fine and no problem - all of the responses seem to largely justify why it’s ok and say that he’s fully functioning. It can’t all be a bed of roses though.

@Adventuritis, I know others have asked but what do you get out of this relationship?

You deflect questions by implying it’s not a big deal because other people are addicted to food/fags/booze so it’s the same. And you’re right - being in a relationship with an addict of any kind is soul destroying because you always know you will never ever come first with them.

Your partner wants to die, is happy to remain homeless and living on charity so he can spend every penny he has and then some on drugs.

Does he buy you birthday presents or bring dinner round?

He scams his drug worker. He scams the benefit system by working for cash to top up his benefits. He clearly has other ways of getting money to feed his habit.

Living together clearly didn’t work out - why was that? That’s usually a fairly fundamental sign that you aren’t compatible long term.

I don't think the op will be back unfortunately...I do hope is maybe gave her a different perspective on things though

God this is so codependent

The OP gets a LOT out of this relationship psychologically. But healthy it is not.

To be fair to the OP, she has posted on AMA, therefore she'll answer questions, she's not asking for lectures/advice/suggestions.

@gypsywater

The OP gets a LOT out of this relationship psychologically. But healthy it is not.

Maybe I am biased as I grew up around alcoholics and saw dynamics just like the OP describes but it seems like she gets a thrill and sense of self worth from being the saviour to someone so different to everyone else in her life. Being an addict’s enabler isn’t romantic or exciting. It’s draining and as per a PP can lead to very bleak outcomes for the enabler.

It is absolutely tragic that you're wasting your life on this man.

@DuchessOfDoombar
Absolutely. Huge sense of thrill and power and drama and ? avoidance of own problems coming through in the posts by OP.

@itsallpointless

To be fair to the OP, she has posted on AMA, therefore she'll answer questions, she's not asking for lectures/advice/suggestions.

True but she’s not actually answering very many of the questions, just repeatedly saying it’s all normal and fine and she’s happy as a clam and not in any risk in this situation.

Some people who have battled addiction have answered far more about the reality of life as/with an addict than the OP, who seems to think it’s a bit boho / tastefully outrageous.

No one who has the healthy boundaries the OP claims to have would spend time socially with a group of people so mired in addiction that they die as regularly as she says her boyfriend’s friends do.

Living together didn’t work and her boyfriend choses to be homeless and reliant on charity to feed and clothe himself, rather than address whatever reason meant he couldn’t live with her or in his own place.

The OP presumably (as she hasn’t answered) has a stable home and income - this is a very imbalanced power dynamic.

If he is on old style / legacy benefits then he would probably be in the support group as not able to work - due to mental health / being a heroin user so that gets you £198 a week if you get the Severe disability payment for living on his own as well

Add in the carers element of PIP £80 a week and mobility £60 a week your on £330 a week already roughly give or take a fiver
Plus if he is over 35 he would get rent on a 1 bed flat paid for as well.
How would he get the Carers element of PIP - simple to say can’t function on my own & need help mental health problems and all the usual shit that goes with being a heroin user would get him that element

Mobility element - easy to say can’t walk properly because I’ve shot up so many times in my legs it cause mobility problems
Same reason and excuse for the arms
Honestly people always say the benefit system is crap and it is for many
But if he is a long time drug user and been on benefits a long time he knows exactly how to play the system and he would probably also have mentors and support workers to help him claim in the past .
But if you get absolutely everything your entitled to then the figures I posted are fairly accurate
Even if he was on UC his PIP amount wouldn’t be affected and he would lose the SDP but then the ESA bit would be higher so he wound maybe be about £30 -40 a week worse off

Thank you for sharing this, it’s altered/ opened up my view of heroin addiction.

I’m wondering through reading the thread, how did you meet him? You speak of knowing many other people who are homeless/ addicts etc; are they through him or were you already moving in similar circles? Was he clean or using when you met and if he was using did he appear ‘high functioning’? Did you have any idea he had issues with addiction and a troubled past etc when you met him?

What's the point in starting an AMA but not actually really answering anything?? What questions were you expecting?

@DuchessOfDoombar I think what happened early on in the thread was, she was answering questions, but then constantly lectured about her answers. I appreciate this is a subject that most people would be uncomfortable with (I also lived with an addict) so it's understandable posters would feel they'd need to 'educate' OP.

IMHO