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AMA

I used to be a sex worker, ask me anything

385 replies

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 20:08

For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.

I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.

To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.

Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away

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Casmama · 10/10/2020 00:39

I hope this isn't intrusive but I wonder what impact this job had on your natural attraction to people and desire for sex in your personal life. Does the transactional nature of your working life inhibit your personal sex life.
Sorry this is clearly very intrusive actually but I have no judgment of people making a living but would worry about what they might be sacrificing.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 00:40

have you decided at what age you will retire

I'm currently retired, from sex work at least, but may well go back to it in the future. unless you're asking deez

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 00:40

[quote cabinbythelake20]@femme yes seems to be the case!
I imagine its an immature teen hiding behind the screen.. needs to grow up! [/quote]
I'm thinking younger than teen... gotta be a bit of a sad life to be chatting shit on Mumsnet on a Saturday night though

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DeezNuts420 · 10/10/2020 00:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ChildOfTheNineties · 10/10/2020 00:41

Do you live in the same area in which you worked?
Did you ever have a booking from someone that you actually knew?
Imagine taking a booking and your next door neighbour or old maths teacher shows up?! It probably doesn't happen but it must be awkward if it does!

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 00:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

TheSpottedZebra · 10/10/2020 00:42

Do you think the ignore fetish thing could be getting more common?

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ChildOfTheNineties · 10/10/2020 00:43

If he's gonna troll the thread I wish he would at least have the decency to be coherent......

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Heffalooomia · 10/10/2020 00:43

🤭

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 00:44

@ChildOfTheNineties

If he's gonna troll the thread I wish he would at least have the decency to be coherent......

You can't expect that from him - he's got one hand down his trousers and the other on his French homework...

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ChildOfTheNineties · 10/10/2020 00:44

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 00:44

You mentioned before that you don't like the stigma but you like the free time
Isn't that a bit like a drug dealer saying they like the free time but they don't like having to run from the law all the time, drug dealing is lucrative precisely because it's illegal
the reason you can command a high fee (and therefore not have to work many hours) is directly linked to the taboo nature of this line of work, definitely not saying that you deserve to be stigmatized, I do not personally judge you, but there is a link.

There's really no way to know if the high price is because of the risk, stigma or any other factor. Personally I think sex work will always have a high rate because it's of high value, but even if I'm wrong I'd happily sacrifice the rate for the safety that sex workers would be afforded because of the lack of stigma.

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 00:44

He got deleted! Woohoo!

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Heffalooomia · 10/10/2020 00:45

@ChildOfTheNineties

If he's gonna troll the thread I wish he would at least have the decency to be coherent......

I know!!
incoherent troll🤮

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 00:49

Do you think you'd still have got a degree if you knew you could pursue a living in sex work? Or did you get a degree as an extra asset?

Actually I got my degree after starting sex work. I did it because I enjoy the subject rather than any expectation of a job afterwards.

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 00:50

Fair enough, education for the pursuit of passion as opposed to employment success is widely undervalued. Good for you for doing something you're interested in! Sorry if my question was in any way presumptious.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 00:53

I hope this isn't intrusive but I wonder what impact this job had on your natural attraction to people and desire for sex in your personal life. Does the transactional nature of your working life inhibit your personal sex life.
Sorry this is clearly very intrusive actually but I have no judgment of people making a living but would worry about what they might be sacrificing.

I think you, and a lot of people, struggle to understand that I see and experience sex work as a job. It had as much affect on my sex life and personal life as working in Sainsbury's did.

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 00:56

Have you ever had any counselling / emotional issues? (Not trying to assume anything, though I do keep repeating that phrase, so sorry if I am actually being judgemental!)

I guess I'm just curious as it's a career path I would have been drawn to had I not gotten married very young - but that was mostly due to a poor home life / mental health conditions. Not saying it's the case for you though!

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 00:57

Do you live in the same area in which you worked?

Yes usually although I used to tour in other towns too.

Did you ever have a booking from someone that you actually knew?

God no, I'd turn them away.

Imagine taking a booking and your next door neighbour or old maths teacher shows up?! It probably doesn't happen but it must be awkward if it does!

It's never happened to me but I've heard horror stories!

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Qiry · 10/10/2020 01:02

Do you have kids? Do you want kids? Did/would you keep going with sex work when pregnant or with small children?

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imissthesouth · 10/10/2020 01:04

Did you ever have anything happen that made you want to quit? Personally i'd never feel safe doing sw but have huge respect for people who do. Sorry some people have tried to derail the thread.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 01:19

Have you ever had any counselling / emotional issues? (Not trying to assume anything, though I do keep repeating that phrase, so sorry if I am actually being judgemental!)

Yes I have, and I don't feel ashamed of looking after my mental health. There's an assumption that sex workers are all damaged/fucked up/abused/abnormal so when we do have problems we are made to feel even more ashamed, and there are certain people who will be happy to use it as another stick to beat us with.

I guess I'm just curious as it's a career path I would have been drawn to had I not gotten married very young - but that was mostly due to a poor home life / mental health conditions. Not saying it's the case for you though!

Even if a sex worker does have a history of poor home life/whatever, it doesn't mean they aren't able to make their own decisions.

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serenegiraffe · 10/10/2020 01:23

@FeminismIsForALLWomen
Hi op,
What happens if the man can't get an erection? And is kissing allowed? Asking from a personal perspective, my ex paid for sex during our relationship. He told me he was impotent (he was with me anyway, The only way he could get even semi was to french kiss) and also do all sex workers insist on condoms? He said when he couldn't get it up, he just had to pay and go....no blow job and no kissing...? he can't wear condoms as it never goes beyond 80% hard and only then if he's kissing.
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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 01:24

Did you ever have anything happen that made you want to quit?

I stopped sex work for a while after being stalked. The police response to it was the worse thing, they weren't interested and blamed me and I felt I had nowhere to go if anything was to happen.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 01:33

@serenegiraffe I'm sorry you had to go through that.

It really depends on the individual worker as to what's allowed. I think is unlikely that he had to just pay and go if he couldn't get an erection but it really does depend on the escort. I hope things are better now

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