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AMA

I used to be a sex worker, ask me anything

385 replies

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 09/10/2020 20:08

For 12 years I worked as an escort, I also did occasional phone & cam work. I varied between working full time and part time, but around half was full time and the other half part time.

I've been put off doing one of these because of how they usually go but I'm always banging on about people making assumptions about sex workers and accepting stereotypes about us so I might as well.

To be clear, this is a thread for people who want to ask questions, not for people who just want to make a point about sex work or sex workers.

Anyway, if anybody cares...ask away

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JKRforPM · 10/10/2020 14:04

You seem to think that people who disagree with the normalisation of prostitution are “stigmatising” women who sell sex?

I don’t think that women who sell sex are anything other than normal women. Still doesn’t mean I will support prostitution. And it shouldn’t be a choice because the proportion of women who are damaged, abused, and even killed because they are prostitutes is not worth trading off for the very rare few women who are able to work as “high class escorts”

By making prostitution seem like a choice you are simply pushing the “happy hooker” trope which endangers the thousands of women on the streets who can’t access support.

All you are doing OP is trying to make YOUR choice palatable.

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janaus50s · 10/10/2020 14:04

Do married men talk about their wife?

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YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 10/10/2020 14:09

I actually think there’s something quite nasty about these threads.

There’s an agenda of pushing sex work as a career choice that I find really uncomfortable. On the last thread it emerged that all of the current and former prostitutes posting had a history of sexual abuse as children. That’s borne out by research across the whole of the sex trade, the vast majority have a history of CSA.

Prostitution harms all women. I don’t think this cheerleading of sex work is appropriate in any context, much less on a website aimed mainly at women.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 14:12

Do you remember your very first client? What was the experience like? Terrifying? Awkward?

I wasn't actually terrified but I remember feeling ridiculous all dressed up lingerie and heels. It was quite awkward. Looking back I'm amazed I wasn't nervous beforehand.

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TJH1 · 10/10/2020 14:15

Thank you for this insightful thread.

Did you meet anyone who hit the right buttons so to speak. or did you never allow yourself to be able to fully relax?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 14:30

Still doesn’t mean I will support prostitution.

And you don't have to. But by automatically disbelieving anyone who doesn't fit your view of it you're not helping anyone.

And it shouldn’t be a choice because the proportion of women who are damaged, abused, and even killed because they are prostitutes is not worth trading off for the very rare few women who are able to work as “high class escorts”

The fact that some women choose sex work is not to blame for the fact that women can face violence in prostitution, and saying we're trading this off is incredibly insulting and only serves to further stigmatise us.

By making prostitution seem like a choice you are simply pushing the “happy hooker” trope which endangers the thousands of women on the streets who can’t access support.

Again, sex workers are not to blame for the violence against sex workers.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 14:31

Do married men talk about their wife?

Some have and I find it uncomfortable to the extent where I won't see them again if they do.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 14:40

There’s an agenda of pushing sex work as a career choice that I find really uncomfortable.

I'm not sure you've read what I've said then because that wasn't it.

On the last thread it emerged that all of the current and former prostitutes posting had a history of sexual abuse as children. That’s borne out by research across the whole of the sex trade, the vast majority have a history of CSA.

There is no research which shows that simply because there is no research spanning all sex workers. You can't apply a lot of it universally to all workers. Even if you could, there's no research from other industries/jobs on the rate that women were sexually abused as children to compare it to because people seem to respect their privacy more than ours, and respect that they can make their own decisions.

Using this as point is bizarre and is an oversimplification if a very complex subject.

Prostitution harms all women.

If that's your opinion, fair enough, but it's not a fact.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 14:41

Did you meet anyone who hit the right buttons so to speak. or did you never allow yourself to be able to fully relax?

Only occasionally, usually I just put in a very convincing performance.

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Kira7 · 10/10/2020 15:42

Very interesting thread! If I was more attractive and didn't mind sex with strangers, I'd 100% choose this line of work! I have a degree and work my socks off 4 days a week but earn nowhere near what you do.

My question is, do you know any men who are sex workers?

And also, have you had bookings from couples wanting to spice up their relationship? If not, would you accept those?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 16:37

My question is, do you know any men who are sex workers?

Yes, quite a few. They're gay or bi and sell sex to men, and in the case of the bi escort occasionally women too.

And also, have you had bookings from couples wanting to spice up their relationship? If not, would you accept those?

Yes I've done a few. I charged more because they were harder work.

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HaggisBurger · 10/10/2020 16:42

Have you ever had a regular’s wife find out about you / ring you?

What is your view on sex addiction? Do you think there are men who compulsively use sex with sex workers in a way that suggests it’s beyond their control?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 17:06

Have you ever had a regular’s wife find out about you / ring you?

No but I have had 'who is this' texts over the years, some of which were from numbers which come up as women's names in my caller ID. I almost always had an auto reply on to texts so if they were wives/partners checking out a number they'd found they will have found out what I did.

What is your view on sex addiction? Do you think there are men who compulsively use sex with sex workers in a way that suggests it’s beyond their control?

I can't say I know a lot about sex addiction as a condition. There are definitely men who see a large amount of sex workers, but not knowing a lot about their lives I couldn't say whether it was out if control. I'm sure it does happen but I've no personal experience of it.

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Laaalaaaa · 10/10/2020 19:06

Have you ever considered porn?

It’s been interesting to read your very honest answers and for you to completely go against the general consensus on here that no woman could ever possibly choose to do this as a career.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 19:32

Have you ever considered porn?

No I think I'd be terrible at it. & I think most porn is completely awful!

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 19:36

On the last thread it emerged that all of the current and former prostitutes posting had a history of sexual abuse as children

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets would you mind telling me which thread this is? Is it the one linked to earlier on?

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 19:39

Can I ask why you think most porn is completely awful?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 19:47

Can I ask why you think most porn is completely awful?

I find it unrealistic and it doesn't really do anything for me. Plus most free porn is stolen or worse so I avoid that like the plague.

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feministfemme · 10/10/2020 19:50

Okay, so it's not necessarily for the ethics more just personal preference?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 10/10/2020 19:57

Okay, so it's not necessarily for the ethics more just personal preference?

It's a combination. If I was going to watch porn it would be independently made and I'd pay for it, because I have a huge problem with the practices of bigger studios and platforms.

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oreoicecreammmm · 10/10/2020 23:46

@YippeeKayakOtherBuckets

I actually think there’s something quite nasty about these threads.

There’s an agenda of pushing sex work as a career choice that I find really uncomfortable. On the last thread it emerged that all of the current and former prostitutes posting had a history of sexual abuse as children. That’s borne out by research across the whole of the sex trade, the vast majority have a history of CSA.

Prostitution harms all women. I don’t think this cheerleading of sex work is appropriate in any context, much less on a website aimed mainly at women.

Yep that's what I thought too.

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 11/10/2020 00:45

Yep that's what I thought too.

@oreoicecreammmm You can think whatever you like, but given your previous comment I suspect you are just dismissing things which don't support a view you already have, as is the person you're replying to who has said something blatantly untrue (I don't think she's done this in purpose, but I think she's automatically dismissing things which don't support her opinion).

You can have whatever opinion you like about me and other sex workers, but please don't base it on things which you've assumed.

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Anordinarymum · 11/10/2020 00:50

OP did you have a long term plan? By that I mean did you have a figure in your head of how much you wanted to earn and did you have a get out plan?
If covid had not come along when would you have stopped or had you not even thought of stopping yet ?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 11/10/2020 00:59

OP did you have a long term plan? By that I mean did you have a figure in your head of how much you wanted to earn and did you have a get out plan?

In recent years I'd planned to have enough for a deposit on a house before I retired. I didn't have a 'get out' plan as such but I had an idea of the work I wanted to do when I retired, similar to my volunteer work.

If covid had not come along when would you have stopped or had you not even thought of stopping yet ?

I'd thought of stopping in maybe 5 years possibly but I didn't have a firm date in my head.

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HaggisBurger · 11/10/2020 09:00

@FeminismIsForALLWomen

Have you ever had a regular’s wife find out about you / ring you?

No but I have had 'who is this' texts over the years, some of which were from numbers which come up as women's names in my caller ID. I almost always had an auto reply on to texts so if they were wives/partners checking out a number they'd found they will have found out what I did.

What is your view on sex addiction? Do you think there are men who compulsively use sex with sex workers in a way that suggests it’s beyond their control?

I can't say I know a lot about sex addiction as a condition. There are definitely men who see a large amount of sex workers, but not knowing a lot about their lives I couldn't say whether it was out if control. I'm sure it does happen but I've no personal experience of it.

Thanks so much for all your replies. It’s all been very illuminating.

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