I'm a Quaker AMA

[QuakerAMA]

I'm a member of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). I'm British, so if I say "Quakers believe ...", I'll mean British Quakers. Quakers across the world can be very different, so do bear that in mind if you're in another country.

AMA.

Hello! May I ask what a Quaker religious service is like?

Have you always been a Quaker (brought up in it)?

I think I’d love to be a Quaker but I can’t imagine having no music aspect to my faith.

We’re you born in a Quaker family, or is it something you found later on in life?

Were you raised Quaker or did you become one and if so, why?
How does this affect the ways you see the world?
Thanks

*were

Have you always been a Quaker (brought up in it)?

Yes, I was born and brought up a Quaker. Lots of people come to it later in life though.

May I ask what a Quaker religious service is like?

A Quaker Meeting House is always very plain. No decorations, no altar - just chairs or benches in a circle or rectangle. There's usually a table in the middle with some flowers and copies of the Bible and Quaker Faith and Practice which people can read if they want to.

The Meeting starts when the first person comes in and sits down.
British Quakers are what are called 'unprogrammed Friends', which means we worship in silence. It's a sort of worshipful listening, so you kind of sit there and open your mind up to whatever might come into it.

Sometimes the whole Meeting will sit in silence for an hour, but usually someone will be moved to Minister. This means they stand up and say something to the whole Meeting. Anyone can do this, but they are supposed to wait until they feel moved. I usually describe that as feeling like the antsy feeling you get when you know you really ought to do something, even though you really don't want to. (Though obviously some people like Ministering more than others.) Ministry is generally quite short - about one-three minutes is normal. In a large Meeting, it's not unusual to have four or five pieces of Ministry in an hour, but in a small Meeting there may be none. Ministry may be unconnected to earlier Ministry, but often themes will develop.

At the end, everyone shakes hands.

I was researching the Quaker faith before lockdown and was interested in attending a meeting.

I really like the thought of silent contemplation.

Is there any activities outside the main service such as bible study or getting involved in community events?

Were you raised Quaker or did you become one and if so, why?

Sort of both. My mum is a Quaker, so I grew up going to Meeting, but Quaker children aren't Christened. Quakers don't believe there's one right religion - it's about finding the way to worship that's right for you, so it's quite common for Quaker children to leave and join other churches, or stop going to any sort of church at all.

I officially joined in my twenties. I've always felt very at home in Quakers, and I love Quaker Meetings and Quaker decision-making, but I've never felt very certain about my theology - I don't know if God exists, for example. I thought everyone else had made up their minds, but as I got older and talked to more people, I realised that it's quite common in Quakers to be questioning and wondering and feeling uncertain, and that's okay.

I also got engaged and I wanted a Quaker wedding ceremony, and I realised that this was my home and my community and I wasn't going anywhere.

How does this affect the ways you see the world?

Lots of ways.

Simplicity is a big Quaker value - so I try not to buy things I don't need or am not going to get a lot of use or pleasure out of. I wear my clothes until they're falling to bits and I don't spend a lot of money on stuff.

Part of that is about being sustainable, which is something which Quakers have been growing more concerned with over the last forty years or so. I worry a lot about the environment, and though I'm not an eco-saint (I eat meat, and fly occasionally), I don't have a car and I do try and think conscientiously about what I'm consuming.

Truth, equality and pacifism are the other Quaker testamonies. I don't tell barefaced lies, though like everyone I bend the truth in arguments etc (though I try not to). Pacifism isn't a very active concern though I obviously don't hit my kids etc.

Equality I think is one of the most interesting Quaker beliefs. Quakers believe there is that of God (or good) in everyone. This belief is about seeing absolutely everyone as a human being worthy of love and respect, no matter what awful things they've done. About trying never to lose sight of the fact that behind the horrible things, there's a real, grieving, angry, lost human.

I find that such a powerful and meaningful way of looking at the world. Human beings are very good at dividing people into us and not-us, and though I'm as guilty of this as anyone else, I hope I don't lose sight of the fact that people I profoundly disagree with are still people.

Is there any activities outside the main service such as bible study or getting involved in community events?

Yes! It'll depend a bit on the size of the Meeting, but there'll be socials, involvement in activism, and there'll often be smaller book groups or whatever. Because Quakers don't have ministers, all the work a priest or vicar would usually do is done by members of the Meeting, which means very often that you'll get one member with a concern for something, and suddenly the Meeting is involved in a local refugee charity, or organising a stall at Pride, or running a monthly poetry group.

Thanks for this - really interesting. What would you say demarcates Quakerism from Humanism? I ask this as you say you (and so by extension I assume that some other Quakers also) don't believe in (a) God. I'd describe myself as Humanist but it seems that these two ways of thinking have many areas that overlap. Is it a 'faith' or a way of life?

I find that a very challenging teaching in practice
in theory i believe it
what if you know someone had very deliberately and callously set out to ruin someone else's life (I have an example in mind but don't feel comfortable to share it)
I can't treat that person kindly- or at least I might appear to be being kind but it wouldn't be sincere

I mean 'that of god in everyone'

I am really drawn to Quakers. A lot of my ancestors were Quakers although most of the last few generations haven't been I feel like we have been raised on a lot of these values. I feel really drawn to it but quite shy about the idea of going to a meeting.

I went to a Quaker school and was involved with local Young Friends in my teens and early twenties although I was never a member of a meeting.

What do you think of the Quaker Business Method?

It was one thing that I had trouble with, possibly because a lot of the people my age (at the time) hadn't really learned to moderate themselves and would talk on and on and on about their particular viewpoint, and I wanted to yell, "Will somebody please just Make A Decision?!"

This is really interesting, thank you for doing it.
What sort of things do people say when they feel the urge to speak at a meeting? Is it just a bit of a rant about something that happened to them, or more to do with expressing a deeper concern for the state of the world? Does it need to be profound?

What would you say demarcates Quakerism from Humanism?

It's a faith. Most Quakers believe in God, nearly all believe in some form of the divine (though they might say 'the spirit' rather than God, as not all are theists) and many are Christians, though not all. (At least in Britain.)

We're a member of Churches Together while the Unitarians aren't, if that tells you something - we're more Christian than the Unitarians are.

I'm at the more wishy-washy end of the spectrum - my mum would very definitely call herself a Christian. All Quakers believe spirituality is important, though their definition of what that means would be different.

There is a Friends Meeting House in my small town and I've often wondered about it when I've walked past.
This is all fascinating OP because I've realised from your answers that I know nothing about Quakers except that they are pacifists.

don't churches together believe quite mainstream christian things like divinity of christ, redemption etc?

what if you know someone had very deliberately and callously set out to ruin someone else's life (I have an example in mind but don't feel comfortable to share it)
I can't treat that person kindly- or at least I might appear to be being kind but it wouldn't be sincere

I think in that scenario, if I felt that I couldn't be kind, I'd recognise that it's not my job to fix them, and I'd try and step aside and concentrate on not hurting them. If that meant not interacting with them, then that would be okay. Sometimes you have to just let something be and recognise that this isn't your job right now.

There's a Quaker concept called holding someone in the light, which is where you take the idea of that person into Meeting and just sit there holding them in the Meeting. Sometimes that's enough.

What do you think of the Quaker Business Method?

I love the Quaker Business Method. I've been a clerk, and when it's done properly, it's absolutely amazing. I am evangelical about it.

When it's done badly, as it very often is, it's a freaking nightmare.

Can anyone just walk into a meeting? If they just sit quietly.

Also, what’s a Quaker wedding like?

What sort of things do people say when they feel the urge to speak at a meeting? Is it just a bit of a rant about something that happened to them, or more to do with expressing a deeper concern for the state of the world? Does it need to be profound?

It varies! At the less profound end of the scale, you have Radio Four Ministry "I was listening to a radio four programme about Syria, and ..." Or Daffodil Ministry "As I was coming to Meeting, I saw the daffodils, and I thought how beautiful they were!"

But often you'll get people sharing really personal things, and realisations they've come to in the Meeting. At its best, it can feel like someone's speaking directly to you.

The last time I ministered, it was about how hard I was finding it being someone who needed to accept help, when I'd always previously been someone who gave it. A lot of the Ministry had been about giving, and at that point I felt like all I was doing was receiving.

don't churches together believe quite mainstream christian things like divinity of christ, redemption etc?

I'm not sure, but I know they do sometimes have problems with us. They recently turned down our nominee for a key role, because she was a lesbian.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-south-yorkshire-50560663

blimey, I am definitely guilty of Radio 4 ministry in daily life

Thank you for answering my question. (You have by the way underlined for me why I have great respect for Quakerism - I'm not a Christian but if I was, I'd want to be a Quaker. Final aside - I saw the Quaker Peace Quilts once - powerful, beautiful work that moved me to tears.)