I'm a Quaker AMA

[QuakerAMA]

I'm a member of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). I'm British, so if I say "Quakers believe ...", I'll mean British Quakers. Quakers across the world can be very different, so do bear that in mind if you're in another country.

AMA.

@Andthewinnerislucky

But when people don't treat it as a Meeting for Worship, it can be extremely frustrating

Could you expand on what you mean by this?

Also...
and I love Quaker Meetings and Quaker decision-making

What's Quaker decision-making? Is it the same as the Quaker business you already mentioned? If so, then never mind answering. I already had this question from your earlier post.

Ooh, I've figured out how to quote people, that's exciting.

Some local Meetings don't treat their business meetings as Meetings for Worship - they go through the motions, but they don't have a proper gathered silence, and they don't have the expectations that contributions will be Ministry. I find that really frustrating because although it does take a long time doing all business as a Meeting for Worship, I find it such a powerful and exciting experience when it comes together. Especially when you have a decision to make that you know people feel strongly about and disagree with each other about, and you manage to reach a consensus that everyone accepts. A lot of local Meetings have been run by the same people for years and they have their own way of doing things, and they're very resistant to change. Like most people.

Yes, by Quaker decision-making I meant the business method, but I probably love it more than most. As a PP said, it can be very frustrating and take forever.

Because Quakers don't have ministers, all the work a priest or vicar would usually do is done by members of the Meeting, which means very often that you'll get one member with a concern for something, and suddenly the Meeting is involved in a local refugee charity, or organising a stall at Pride, or running a monthly poetry group

Can someone decide not to join in any activity suggested or do people have to go with the flow of whatever happens?

Ah...Was typing as you posted, so just seen it. Thanks for the recent response.

@Lugn

I would like to attend a Quaker meeting. I have got as far as sending off for a booklet! Can you tell me please whether there is an offering and if so how and when does this take place?

I think a lot of Meetings are closed at the moment because of COVID-19 (I know mine is), but do come! You'd be very welcome.

There's a collection at the end, usually either for local Meeting funds or for a guest charity (sometimes both). Someone will stand up and speak about the charity. There'll be a box at the door when you can put money if you want to as you go out, but it's very discrete, so as not to embarrass people who don't want to contribute. A lot of Quakers set up standing orders to their Meeting, or prefer to give to charities they've chosen themselves, so it's quite common for people not to put money in the box.

@Andthewinnerislucky

Because Quakers don't have ministers, all the work a priest or vicar would usually do is done by members of the Meeting, which means very often that you'll get one member with a concern for something, and suddenly the Meeting is involved in a local refugee charity, or organising a stall at Pride, or running a monthly poetry group

Can someone decide not to join in any activity suggested or do people have to go with the flow of whatever happens?

You don't have to go to anything. At least - I've never felt forced to. I have a Friend who felt pressured into attending business meetings, but that hasn't been my experience. Although I do have small children, so I don't suppose they'd want them there anyway ...

Thank you so much. It's been pleasantly eye-opening.

So if I wanted to try it out - would I just walk in at the advertised meeting time, sit wherever I fancy, and be quiet for an hour then leave? I wouldn’t need to introduce myself or talk to an elder or anything?

Also, if the meetings are in silence - do people then chat afterwards? Is it social at all?

What is the Quaker stance on divorce and remarriage?

If you don’t believe in (a) God do you have to hide it or are you accepted?

What are the views on conversion and recruitment to the faith?

If there is no equivalent of a priest or vicar etc who do you turn to for guidance when needed?

Great thread! Thank you.

I went to a Quaker primary school and remember regularly going to sing at the local meeting house, which was a beautiful historic building. I remember how peaceful all of the Quaker people I met were.
Later, I sang in the choir at the CofE church and recall being so cross that half the congregation in my rural village would have been out on horseback killing the local wildlife with a pack of hounds the day before.
None of my family is particularly religious - I'm agnostic and DH is a total atheist. I did send off for an information pack from the Society of Friends a while back but not sure how DH would view it if I attended a meeting!

You do not have to believe in God to be a quaker and you certainly do not have to hide. Some quakers even have other religious beliefs such as some in Buddhism. It is not like a religion in some ways but a collective of people with common intent, where people are listened to and there is no dogma.

Do Quakers celebrate Christmas?

@RemyHadley

So if I wanted to try it out - would I just walk in at the advertised meeting time, sit wherever I fancy, and be quiet for an hour then leave? I wouldn’t need to introduce myself or talk to an elder or anything?

You'd be welcomed on the door when you came in, and if they didn't recognise you, you might be offered a Your First Time in a Quaker Meeting leaflet (like this one). if you made it clear that you didn't want a big conversation, they'd respect that. As you can imagine, there are quite a lot of Quaker introverts. (Though plenty of extroverts too.)

quaker-prod.s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/store/4ad98cfc50eb8f6674ca48c32734791d669ef91ad4f89426e29a831bf2e1

You should make sure that you're there on time, though most Meetings have some sort of allowance for latecomers (our Meeting makes them wait and then lets them all in at the same time ten minutes in).

I attend a large Meeting, and at the end we do ask newcomers or visitors to introduce themselves if they want to. Because we're a large city-centre Meeting, there are usually several visitors every week, and if you didn't want to introduce yourself you wouldn't have to, and nobody would notice if you left immediately afterwards. They might not even register that you hadn't been before.

My mum, on the other hand, attends a small Meeting where there might only be around ten people or fewer every week. So there I think you'd be very noticeable and people would be so delighted to see you, they'd ask your name and come and say hello and offer to answer your questions. DH and I attended a Meeting on the Shetland Islands once on holiday, and there were only three people there besides ourselves and they were so pleased to see us, one couple invited us round for lunch. So it does depend a bit.

I don’t have a question as I don’t know much about Quaker’s but I am finding this very interesting so thanks for starting this

@RemyHadley

Also, if the meetings are in silence - do people then chat afterwards? Is it social at all?

Oh yes. There's usually notices followed by tea and coffee and biscuits afterwards for anyone who wants to stay and chat.

Do people go with their children? Are there something like a children's area? I can't imagine children sitting quietly for long. How does that work?

@DancingWithWillard

What is the Quaker stance on divorce and remarriage?

If you don’t believe in (a) God do you have to hide it or are you accepted?

What are the views on conversion and recruitment to the faith?

If there is no equivalent of a priest or vicar etc who do you turn to for guidance when needed?

Great thread! Thank you.

There's no prohibition against divorce, at least for modern British Quakers. They've got quite a lot of common sense, they generally want people to do the right thing, and they recognise that that's quite nuanced.

As PP said, there are Quakers who are openly Buddhist or Pagan or agnostic or even atheist. I do know Quakers who are a bit "I don't understand why you'd be a Quaker if you don't believe in God" (there's a Quaker belief in plain speech which some Quakers interpret a bit ... directly ...) But you would absolutely be accepted as a part of the Meeting.

Modern Quakers don't believe in evangelism, because they think it's about finding the right spiritual path for you, which might not be us. This can cause problems because people will find us in later life and be all "Why the hell didn't I know about you before? I've been looking for you my whole life!"

They do have a central Outreach department, and there's Quaker Week and Quaker Quest, which are relatively recent outreach initiatives. I admit that's partly why I wanted to start this thread, because I'm aware that people don't know much about us beyond the Quaker Oat man, and I think that's a shame.

Guidance I think is one area where we suffer from a lack of a priest. Meetings have Elders, who take care of the spiritual life of the Meeting, and Overseers, who oversee the practical stuff, which should include offering practical help to members who are struggling. These should be fixed-term posts (three years? she says doubtfully) though sometimes the same people can end up doing them for years. In practice, I've never approached either my elders or overseers for any sort of help, and though I know I could do it, I'm not sure how often people do. (I've never served in either of these roles though, so other Quakers on this thread may have more experience of this?)

@Andthewinnerislucky

Do people go with their children? Are there something like a children's area? I can't imagine children sitting quietly for long. How does that work?

Again, this varies a bit from Meeting to Meeting. Smaller Quaker Meetings might not have provision for children. Others may have a children's meeting once a month, while larger Meetings have children's provision every week. I attend Meeting with my DC, and our Meeting has two children's groups every week - one for older children and one for toddlers. My mum's Meeting doesn't have a regular children's class, but if you rang ahead and said you were bringing children, they might find a couple of volunteers who would sit with them. There's a find-your-nearest-Meeting function on the British Quaker's website which tells you what children's provision different Meetings have:

www.quaker.org.uk/meetings

Children usually come in for either the first ten minutes or the last ten minutes, and for the rest of the time, there'll be a structured activity. For young children this is probably a story on a vaguely Quakerly theme and then a craft or drawing activity, but it might also be cooking or planting seeds or rehearsing a Christmas play or something. For older children, they might learn some Quaker history or have a discussion group.

I have a very positive experience of children's meeting, both as a child myself and as a parent. But this does vary, and some Meetings are more set up for families than others.

@PoetaDeLosSandwiches

Do Quakers celebrate Christmas?

Yes! Early Quakers were rather puritan and many didn't, but modern Quakers do. They probably wouldn't go overboard though, and you might get some reproachful ministry about modern consumerism. My kids get a stocking each and one 'big' present from us, but we 100% do the whole turkey, tree, pantomime shenanigans. Most Meetings will have some sort of Christmas Meeting, either on the day itself or the nearest Sunday to Christmas.

a Quaker friend of mine told me that some Quakers didn't approve of Father Christmas, because it was lying to children, which I thought was a bit joyless

On the back of this thread I have looked up the "Advices and queries" mentioned earlier because the extract mentioned piqued my interest - wow, it's wonderful. Just straightforward and human and very current.

I wanted to ask more about this if that's alright, OP. The text (or the version of the text I accessed here, anyway) is attributed to someone called George Fox in 1656, but the writing is modern. Could you say a bit more about this please? Has the text evolved or been revised over time?

That "here" should have been here.

@EssentialHummus

On the back of this thread I have looked up the "Advices and queries" mentioned earlier because the extract mentioned piqued my interest - wow, it's wonderful. Just straightforward and human and very current.

I wanted to ask more about this if that's alright, OP. The text (or the version of the text I accessed here, anyway) is attributed to someone called George Fox in 1656, but the writing is modern. Could you say a bit more about this please? Has the text evolved or been revised over time?

Yes, of course. Advices and Queries are the first chapter of Quaker Faith and Practice, which is a collection of writings from various sources on Quaker spirituality and church governance. QF&P is revised every generation to reflect changing viewpoints and beliefs within the Society.

I didn't actually know the history of Advices and Queries, so I've just looked it up: there's a potted history here if you're interested:

qfp.quaker.org.uk/passage/1-04/

Apparently they stemmed from factual questions asked to early Friends about how their Meetings had prospered, turned into exhortations to virtue, and gradually evolved into the spiritual aid they are today. The current versions date from 1994. I agree that they're brilliant and wise and well worth reading if you want a general sense of what we're about, though you can see that their language is much more Christian and theist than mine - as I said upthread, I'm very much the wishy-washy end of the Quaker spectrum.

The date refers to the quote by George Fox at the end.

Be patterns, be examples in all countries, places, islands, nations, wherever you come, that your carriage and life may preach among all sorts of people, and to them; then you will come to walk cheerfully over the world, answering that of God in every one.

George Fox founded the Quakers in 1652, and that's one of the most-quoted pieces of his writing.

Thank you.