I'm a Quaker AMA

[QuakerAMA]

I'm a member of the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers). I'm British, so if I say "Quakers believe ...", I'll mean British Quakers. Quakers across the world can be very different, so do bear that in mind if you're in another country.

AMA.

Is there a baptism or similar ceremony? How do you officially become a Quaker?

@RemyHadley

Is there a baptism or similar ceremony? How do you officially become a Quaker?

There's no baptism, though some Quaker parents do have a welcoming Meeting for new babies - it's a Meeting for Worship and people will minister about the new baby, and welcome it. But that's just a ceremony for the family, the baby won't be a member of the Society of Friends.

If you aren't a member but you go to Meeting, you're called an attender. When you're, you write to your Area Meeting clerk and ask to join. They will appoint two Friends, one from your Meeting, one who you don't know, who will come and visit you.

I looked up membership in Quaker Faith and Practice, and it says:

Membership is for those who feel at home and in the right place within the Quaker community. Membership is also a way of saying to the meeting, and to the world, that you accept at least the fundamental elements of being a Quaker: the understanding of divine guidance, the manner of corporate worship and the ordering of the meeting’s business, the practical expression of inward convictions and the equality of all before God. Participation in the process that leads to admission into the community of the meeting is an affirmation of what the meeting stands for and of your willingness to contribute to its life.
...
Membership does not require great moral or spiritual achievement, but it does require a sincerity of purpose and a commitment to Quaker values and practices. Membership is a spiritual discipline, a commitment to the well-being of one’s spiritual home and not simply appearance on a membership roll. The simple process of becoming a member is part of the spiritual journey: part of the seeking that is so integral to our religious heritage. The process of becoming a member is not only about seeking but also about finding.

So at your visit, they'll talk to you about what you believe and why you want to join the Quakers, and make sure you understand what that means. You'll have a chance to ask questions, of the sort that people are asking here. It isn't a judgement - they won't fail you for believing the wrong thing or being a bad person - but you may decide together that this isn't the right time for you to become a member. In practice, that happens very rarely - most applicants are welcomed joyfully into the Meeting.

Your visitors will write a short report, which you'll get to read, and it'll be read before the Area Meeting, who will discern in the manner described above and (usually) admit you to membership.

this thread is so interesting. thanks to everyone for the questions and comments as well as @QuakerAMA for starting it.

my lovely dad went to a quaker school and although he was not into religion at all, i think some things definitely rubbed off on him.

Is this process also for children of Quaker families, brought up in Quaker practice?

Do you have any rites of passage? Do you have accepted ways of marking things of personal or communal importance, such as anniversaries (joyous or sad) or thanksgivings?

Just de-lurking to say firstly thanks for doing this AMA, I’ve found it really interesting.

Quite a lot of Quaker principles resonate with me, and I have a lot of respect for the Quaker way of life/principles for living, although I’d describe myself as an atheist humanist. Can I ask you what having a belief in God, or at least a belief that there is something spiritual out there actually feels like? How do you have this sense? I personally find the idea of religious belief completely baffling - the only way I can describe how I feel about modern religions it is probably how most modern people think about the Roman or Ancient Greek or ancient Egyptian gods/religions. As in, it’s all very interesting but there’s no way you think Osiris/Jupiter/Hermes exist in any form or that the whole Egyptian afterlife concept actually exists. So I’m really curious about how (modern) people with some kind of religious belief get there, especially since millions (billions?) of people do hold such beliefs. Thank you.

@Dilbertian

Is this process also for children of Quaker families, brought up in Quaker practice?

Do you have any rites of passage? Do you have accepted ways of marking things of personal or communal importance, such as anniversaries (joyous or sad) or thanksgivings?

Yes. There is a concept called 'birthright Friends' which is where parents apply for membership for newborn babies, but it's not really done anymore and I don't think it's really compatible with modern Quakerism. I don't know any of my contemporaries who would apply for it. I was brought up a Quaker, was an attender for most of my life, and had a formal visit in my twenties as described above.

We don't really have rites of passage or formal ways of marking anniversaries, which is maybe a shame. Early Friends held that all days were equally sacred, and although in practice Quakers do celebrate birthdays and Christmas etc, we don't consider them any more holy than any other day. We don't really have a concept of the sabbath, for example, or perhaps we think all days are the sabbath.

Ooh tell them about Elizabeth Windsor!

I was told by some Quakers (and quakers will know what I mean by that) that they’re more concerned with life here and now than an afterlife, and that heaven is what they should seek to create right here and now. Quatheists will eye roll at that though.

@Wigeon

Just de-lurking to say firstly thanks for doing this AMA, I’ve found it really interesting.

Quite a lot of Quaker principles resonate with me, and I have a lot of respect for the Quaker way of life/principles for living, although I’d describe myself as an atheist humanist. Can I ask you what having a belief in God, or at least a belief that there is something spiritual out there actually feels like? How do you have this sense? I personally find the idea of religious belief completely baffling - the only way I can describe how I feel about modern religions it is probably how most modern people think about the Roman or Ancient Greek or ancient Egyptian gods/religions. As in, it’s all very interesting but there’s no way you think Osiris/Jupiter/Hermes exist in any form or that the whole Egyptian afterlife concept actually exists. So I’m really curious about how (modern) people with some kind of religious belief get there, especially since millions (billions?) of people do hold such beliefs. Thank you.

Interesting question. I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer, as my spirituality is extremely woolly - if any of the other religious people on this thread wanted to chip in, that might be helpful.

For me, spirituality is a sense of ... I don't know. Of something holy beyond logic. A gathered Meeting is one of the places I find it, others might find it in nature, or mathematics, or people, or the Bible.

When I take a problem or a person to Meeting and I get an answer, that answer isn't necessarily a logical one, but it feels right. That might be my conscience answering, or my subconscious - I'm perfectly at peace with that possibility. Or it might be God.

For me, that expectant listening is how I find it, but I think it's true that places where people worship do have a certain peaceful holiness to them, regardless of what religion worships there. (And yes, I know that contradicts what I just said about all things being holy - sorry!)

I think some of it is about language - the numinous of a sunset might be spiritual to one person, and powerful or sublime to another.

@LetsBeSensible

Ooh tell them about Elizabeth Windsor!

Quakers don't believe in titles of any sort, because we think everyone's equal. So the Queen would be referred to as Elizabeth Windsor. (There's also a probably apocryphal story about William Penn refusing to doff his hat to Charles II.) Again, like the affirming in court, this isn't one that really speaks to me. I believe the Queen's life is exactly as important as the life of anyone else, but I'm really not bothered if people want to call me Ms QuakerAMA.

@LetsBeSensible

I was told by some Quakers (and quakers will know what I mean by that) that they’re more concerned with life here and now than an afterlife, and that heaven is what they should seek to create right here and now. Quatheists will eye roll at that though.

This is very true of Judaism, too. It's one of the reasons why Christians have considered Jews to be carnal (ie money-grubbing and sensual) and lacking spirituality. Have Quakers also experienced that sort of prejudice?

LetsBeSensible

I was told by some Quakers (and quakers will know what I mean by that) that they’re more concerned with life here and now than an afterlife, and that heaven is what they should seek to create right here and now. Quatheists will eye roll at that though.

This is very true of Judaism, too. It's one of the reasons why Christians have considered Jews to be carnal (ie money-grubbing and sensual) and lacking spirituality. Have Quakers also experienced that sort of prejudice?

Not that sort, no. Early Friends were essentially puritans, and were more famous for plain dress and no music or dancing than earthly pleasures. (Modern Quakers are very much okay with dance and song and enjoying life.)

We used to get flung into jail a lot for not paying tithes and preaching in the streets. And as I said upthread, we were excluded from schools and universities and therefore the professions for not being Anglicans (I imagine Jews had to deal with similar.)

I have a vague memory from studying american history that some early quakers were actually executed as heretics?

Found the details: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_martyrs

I went to a meeting once, about 4 years ago!!! I didn’t realise it’s been that long.
I loved it.
I was going through an awful lot and I needed a space where I could be alone with my thoughts but amongst people.

I was/am familiar with Quakerism, through books etc, I fit in quite well. Their approach in life is the same as mine, I have a lot of respect and time for Quakers.

Back to my meeting, I called beforehand and asked if it would be a good time to attend a meeting. I called around Christmas, I can’t remember why it wasn’t a good time for them, but it made sense. I waited a few more months, at the time I was working most weekends, a free Sunday morning was very rare.
So I called again, and I was invited to attend. I was asked to come 10 min earlier and someone greeted me at the door, shared a bit of house keeping, gave me some leaflets and invited me in.
You leave the chairs closest to the door for late comers.

One hour of silence was so so good for me. I meditated, I read the literature given to me, I watched the other people. Most were over 70, some in their 50s, a couple in their 40s like me. Some were reading, some were just sitting in silence, some were writing. At one point one lady stood up and told us about her journey to the meeting house that morning, she was moved by nature (you have to go through a park to get to the meeting house).
At the end someone marked the end of the meeting and blimey, it was like in someone’s living room at the end of watching the news, they started discussing current affairs, that I was very interested in, and I had the same opinion as them. All very informal and respectful and witty.
We got coffee and cake and I put some pennies in a box for it, don’t think you have to, I was reiterated to me I was their guest. The coffee wasn’t instant, so I thanked the person who made it, she made a really good coffee 😂. Most people came and said hello and had a little chat.

I would have gone again, had it not been for the fact I worked most weekends. I paid all my debts now, I don’t have to take on extra shifts, thanks to your thread @QuakerAMA , I’ll go again!

Quakers outside of the UK are very different in their approach. In the USA there are evangelical Friends I heard.

Thanks for answering my question OP, that's really interesting to hear your thoughts about spirituality.

What a fantastic thread! OP you are a wonderful ambassador for Quakerism. Thankyou for this.....

Thank you for this thread, I have found it really interesting. I think if I hadn't found a peaceful home in my current church (URC Presbyterian, lgbtq+ affirming, lovely community and quite participatory) after a series of false starts in my teens, I would probably have looked into Quakerism more thoroughly. In university towns with a high student population, do students attend Meetings? I'm wondering because the church with the highest student population in my university town is an evangelical one with somewhat conservative beliefs and other churches seem to struggle to have a student congregation, which is sad.

@alangarneristerrifying

Thank you for this thread, I have found it really interesting. I think if I hadn't found a peaceful home in my current church (URC Presbyterian, lgbtq+ affirming, lovely community and quite participatory) after a series of false starts in my teens, I would probably have looked into Quakerism more thoroughly. In university towns with a high student population, do students attend Meetings? I'm wondering because the church with the highest student population in my university town is an evangelical one with somewhat conservative beliefs and other churches seem to struggle to have a student congregation, which is sad.

Thanks everyone! I'm really glad you've found a happy spiritual home (always pleased to hear about LGBTQ-friendly churches too).

I live in a city with two universities, and we do get students attending Meeting, although they tend to dip in and out rather than attend regularly. (We also have a midweek Young Friends group for under-thirties, which I'm no longer young enough to attend, but I would expect that some of those Friends are students.)
When I was a student I used to go to a tiny afternoon Meeting at the university chapel - we'd rarely get more than three or four attenders each week. Getting up in time for Sunday morning worship was a bit beyond me! University engagement varies a lot, and often relies on the keenness of the university chaplain, if the local Meeting have one.

I'm a fruit. If you peel me you find a Quaker! Do you know which fruit I am?

Thanks for answering my question, it's so lovely to hear about someone else's peaceful spirituality especially when religious politics at my uni have become a bit fraught recently (mainly Christian Union issues). It's a shame we can't resolve things using the Quaker business method, I think it could be really useful

Do Quakers do laying-on of hands? I don't know what else to call it. Many years ago I used to go with DM to a healing session at a Meeting House. She was desperate for help with chronic pain, and took me along for moral support as she felt very anxious about going into a Christian place. But there was nothing churchy or at all religious about it. People who felt the need for healing sat in chairs, and people who felt able to help stood at the chairs and...I don't really know... shared energy? Minimal speaking. I don't remember how it was organised, how healer and seeker were paired up.

Would that have been a Quaker thing, or a room let to a separate group?

[quote QuakerAMA]don't churches together believe quite mainstream christian things like divinity of christ, redemption etc?

I'm not sure, but I know they do sometimes have problems with us. They recently turned down our nominee for a key role, because she was a lesbian.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-south-yorkshire-50560663[/quote]
Great thread OP, thanks for this.

I'm an Episcopalian, which is the successor church to the C of E in America. We've been ordaining gay and lesbian priests for quite a few years and the C of E is trying to eject us from the Anglican Communion because we have an openly gay bishop. I only mention this to show that this intolerance is not directed specifically at Quakers.

We have a Meeting House in my town and there are many Quaker communities in the US as I'm sure you know. Quakers here are a treasured part of our national culture.

@QuakerAMA
Thank you so much for this thread, it is incredibly interesting and from what I have read so far I would be very interested in learning more about becoming a Quaker. There seems to be a lot of peace and kindness, which I think is very important.

I am not practising any religion at the moment, but I am interested in learning about different religions and beliefs as I think most have a lot of positive attributes and I like how it brings peace and comfort to followers.
I was raised Catholic and I am respectful of the religion but I was never drawn to the beliefs. However, recently I have become very drawn to Buddhism, which I think Quakerism is very similar to. I like the simplicity and the emphasis of practicing kindness to yourself and others in daily life.

One question I would like to ask is what is the viewpoint of animals. Is respect to Animals a big concept in Quakerism or is there not much emphasis on this?
I ask this as I personally think we are all equal and everything and everyone should be treated with respect. I think this is why I am drawn so much to Buddhism.
Sorry if this questions lacks clarity. And thank you again for all you information so far.
Also your wedding day sounds like it was so beautiful!