My husband is trans ftm AMA

[WhatOnFuckingEarth]

That’s about it. My husband is a heterosexual trans man and I’m a heterosexual cisgendered woman. We have two kids conceived via IVF (aged 2.5 months and 2 years). He is 5 years on testosterone and 8 years post double mastectomy, 3 years post phalloplasty, 2 years post final genital surgery.

But NHS and other forms increasingly ask for gender not sex - is there then a risk that something like cervical cancer may get missed if gender and not sex is recorded? Yup! Which is what a lot of the shouting about changing words has been in aid of.

Like messtruators and cervix havers, gender and the relictance to ask what sex a person is just further 'others' people with reduced language skills and makes it more likely that some owmen will fall throight he net.

And men of course. Off the prostate list and what happens next?

I still believe that as a minority, in some situations transwomen will face difficulties and encounter discrimination I would never encounter as someone who is born female.

And vice versa, of course.

*You're not heterosexual OP. You are in a same sex relationship so that makes you either gay or bisexual.

Unless you're involved with OP, how OP chooses to define her sexuality is nothing to do with you.

The op invited questions, which she has very graciously answered to help people understand.

It's a popular thread style on multiple forums. Ask Me Anything. There's no "gracious" about it. We don't all have to doff our caps. She wants to talk at least as much as others want to listen.

I thought I had most of my questions answered, but JizzPigeon22 has come up with some important ones (alongside the medical ones, I have heard there are concerns with the NHS computer system is really not being up to dealing with trans people who need care or testing for sex-specific issues).

Hi op.

You said that sex is just your dh using a strap on/new "penis" and presumably doing stuff to you.

Do you think you would have continued with the relationship if your dh had kept his female genitalia and wanted you to perform sex acts on his natural genitals?

If your dh decided to no longer perform sex acts on you will you be upset, or are you also willing to forgo the sexual element of the relationship. I say this because it's hard enough for two people with functioning sexual feelings to keep the spark as they get older. So it could be a possibility that your dh may evetually lose interest in sex all together.

Some people on this thread appear confused as to what heterosexuality actually is. Words mean things.

There's no "gracious" about it

Considering some of the comments on here, the op has been very bloody gracious indeed.

Someone who is happy in a same sex romantic relationship is hardly heterosexual. 🤷‍♀️ But you know, she's happy and that's what matters.

I'm really interested in your previous relationship history op. I know you said you have never been attracted to women but what sort of men have you been attracted to in the past? Have your previous male partners been very masculine types or perhaps the opposite? Has your past preferences been for more sensitive type men?

@IHeartSusanDey

Someone who is happy in a same sex romantic relationship is hardly heterosexual. 🤷‍♀️ But you know, she's happy and that's what matters.

So are you saying women who identify later in life as lesbians having had long term relationships with men shouldn't call themselves lesbians? They can only call themselves bi sexual presumably in your opinion?

Do you go round telling them this?

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Can everyone get their small minds around the fact this thread is not a debate thread about your opinions on gender/trans/sex or anything else!! I ignore those kind of threads because quite frankly they are BORING.

Feel free not to read more of this one then.

Like many AMAs it has raised a lot of questions and debate. Some posters have never thought about some of those questions before. That's what an AMA thread is for!

Stop trying to police a thread because of your own perceptions.

I'm not policing the thread 🙄

My point is that you've totally gone off on a red herring. Maybe you've misunderstood the original post but you might as well go and join a thread about dogs and start saying you prefer cats and make it all about you 😂

Sorry OP but no one is actually asking any decent questions anymore it's been made about other people and their issues 🤷🏼‍♀️

@CuriousaboutSamphire thanks for engaging in discussion And thanks to OP for opening this thread

"My husband and I found that JK Rowling didn’t seem to have as much knowledge as she thought about trans people and transitioning. She made some very flippant comments"

Almost like men can't possibly imagine what it is to be female and vice versa , no?

I'm very glad that you and your oh have found happiness together. I do not judge people presenting however they want. But I do feel very uncomfortable with children having a woman listed as father on their birth certificate. It is after all, a statement of facts that belongs to the child. It's not their to validate the internal feelings of an adult.

I am very GC but would never dream of being rude to a trans person. I do not agree with biological men being allowed into women's spaces in any way shape or form as men are still pressing women. I do not see any issues with trans men using Male spaces as that doesn't impact on me.

I hope you remain happy. Out of curiosity, which part of what JKR said did you not agree with? It was very reasonable in my eyes. People can't change sex but everybody deserves to live a happy life providing they do not ride the rights of another person.

Hearhooves, why would I tell them? Now if they were to start a public thread on a Forum stating they were heterosexual whilst being happy in a romantic relationship with a SAME SEX partner, then yes, I would as I have. You all don't agree with me and that's fine. But there is nothing you can say to change my mind either, that a person who is happy in a same sex relationship, is completely straight. So don't waste your time.

NOT completely straight.

I misunderstood the OP did I?

Well, you could only think that if you had not read the whole thread.

Seriously... Threads range widely from the OP a lot. An AMA is almost guaranteed to do so, that's the point of them...the clue is in the last word. OP isn't pissed off at the side conversations that are happening, why are you?

I do not see any issues with trans men using Male spaces as that doesn't impact on me

Would you have an issue with ops husband using the women's toilets, after all you did just call him a woman so presumably you'd be fine with it?

@Smallsteps88

Do you 100% honestly believe you are both straight?

Good wuestion

@IHeartSusanDey

Hearhooves, why would I tell them? Now if they were to start a public thread on a Forum stating they were heterosexual whilst being happy in a romantic relationship with a SAME SEX partner, then yes, I would as I have. You all don't agree with me and that's fine. But there is nothing you can say to change my mind either, that a person who is happy in a same sex relationship, is completely straight. So don't waste your time.

So do you think that women identifying as lesbians in later life, after long term relationships with men aren't lesbians?

Ah! There it is!

The Transman Gotcha!

You've had quite a few answers to that hooves. Some quite different from others, so you know there is no general consensus, no MN Hive Mind to answer you.

Not sure why you keep asking....

Does your husband experience much prejudice in daily life? Do you think it's easier for him as a transman than it is for a transwoman?

@MasterBruceBalloon

How do you address your children? Do you go with their gender 'assigned to them at birth?

Gender isn’t assigned at birth, and actually, neither is sex except in an extremely minuscule number of cases of Intersex where it’s not easy to tell by physical appearance. Sex is observed at birth, some times before birth, and recorded. The ‘assigned at birth’ myth has been peddled as it fits in with the belief that someone was born ‘in the wrong body’ and they were assigned the wrong gender. Gender is a social construct that it dependent on societal norms. When I was a child, the gender norms for a woman in the UK was to get married, have babies, be a housewife and look after her husband.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I misunderstood the OP did I?

Well, you could only think that if you had not read the whole thread.

Seriously... Threads range widely from the OP a lot. An AMA is almost guaranteed to do so, that's the point of them...the clue is in the last word. OP isn't pissed off at the side conversations that are happening, why are you?

OP has disappeared lol

I'm just saying she said "ask me anything"

Not "tell me your opinions on"

I did initially read the full thread as I was interested in the original conversation and finding out more about their relationship and what it's like to be trans.

Then I got bored because people were just TELLING her things not asking her questions.

I haven't read what you've written just your response to me, maybe you were asking interesting questions?

My post was aimed at those that are just saying "you do realise your DH is a lesbian", going off on a red herring about JK Rowling and discussing whether people should be allowed to change their gender etc...differences between sex and gender etc.

That's for an entirely different thread (which there are hundreds of)

I just wish we could get back to finding out more about OP. I think it's good to find out more about things I am usually quite ignorant about in every day life

@Ohfudgeit

Surely adding something on to women - the term, means that you're more of a woman, not less of a woman? Not getting the issue with cis being used at all.

Cis used as a derogatory term by TRAs. It implies that there are sub sets of women, which there aren’t. The word ‘woman’ is a noun and means adult human female. The word ‘transwoman’ is the noun that is used to name men who want to live as a woman.