My husband is trans ftm AMA

[WhatOnFuckingEarth]

That’s about it. My husband is a heterosexual trans man and I’m a heterosexual cisgendered woman. We have two kids conceived via IVF (aged 2.5 months and 2 years). He is 5 years on testosterone and 8 years post double mastectomy, 3 years post phalloplasty, 2 years post final genital surgery.

@Ohfudgeit - because the rights of women are girls are needed because of their biological sex. Legal and social conventions which protect women and girls are based on a common understanding of the meaning of the word women (and girls) which is people of the female sex.

If you define women to include people who's sex is male then how do you retain the protection of the rights of women and girls?

It also means that instead of defining people according to biology you are defining them according to gender stereotypes - which are invariably unhelpful for both men and women.

It is a bigger and separate issue to the issue of people such as the OP's husband who have gender dysphoria - and this is the crux of why issues have arisen with Trans Rights Activitsts. It is no longer about how to protect and provide rights for people with gender dysphoria - it is now about completely tearing up the notion of there being two different sexes.

Not getting the issue with cis being used at all.

And you called me simple?

Not getting the issue with cis being used at all.

It assumes a very specific view of gender that cannot be universally applied (you're essentially applying a very modern Western subculture of gender to everyone, it shouldn't be shocking that that can cause issues) and even within the view of gender that uses cis/trans binary, it cannot be applied to others, only to oneself (just as only someone can identify themselves as trans, you can't ethically within that view apply it to someone against their will), and those to which neither can be applied such as a dysphoric person who does not identify as trans.

It has benefits in academia when discussing things outcomes between groups in certain situations (though even then they don't always recognize the limitations) or in cases like the OP where she is trying to be clear about a situation using pretty well-known language, but it isn't something that can used universally without it causing issues.

@Bluepolkadots42 Thanks for the compete answers

I can only add that I was where you are in my thoughts until about 2 - 3 years ago. I was confused by the very definite statements TWAW seemed hard line and unpleasant to me. I have trans friends, both ftm and mtf and a funny cross dressing tranny mate who has been a man in a frock for his whole adult life (married, kids, in his 50s. He gets a sexual kick out of cross dressing inpublic.. the pub usually!). We met during the gender bending 80s when I was as androgenous as a big boobed, wide hipped woman can be!

But after a while on FWR threads a number of posters took time to talk to me, respond, disagree firmly yet politely. I did a lot of reading and something clicked. All of those quite transwomen using the ladies loos had presumed my consent! Now TRAs are loudly proclaiming this to be their right! Every other single sex, female space too. Where has my voice gone?

Between that and the increase of transwomen in female sports (I am an exercise physiologist) I started to re-think and am now stuck in an often painful cognitive dissonance. My friends are nice peole, don't presume. TRAs on person are often violent and, as a group, have gone far, far further in changing legislation, or its application, than I could ever have imagined.

It helps to keep that difference at the freont of your mond when reading most FWR threads

Transpeople are individuals. Many FWR posters have freinds and family who are trans. There are few who are as ignorant of the difficulties trans individuals face as other posters would like you to believe!

TRAs are the combined actions of many militant individuals, many not trans, many transwomen, some transmen but all angry and determined that transwomen are women first and foremost, and women are also women, additionally!

Happy reading. I hope you find a few posters who will discuss your questions with you, without all that shouty stuff!

Feminism chat is leaking all over this thread.

People live their lives like this, get over it. It doesn't personally affect you.

he has officially changed his gender marker.

What does that mean?

For example, would s/he need smear tests, and would a positive test mean a man had been diagnosed with cervical cancer?

Would s/he be treated as male in any medical situation, even if it was important to know S/he was a woman?

Is s/he as strong as a man? Thinking about sport, whether they were in a fight, that sort of thing.

Would s/he be happy in a male prison?

Would s/he be happy if called to do some intimate care, on a boy when, say, helping out at cub or scout camp? (It happens). And how do you think other parents would feel about that if they knew?

ohfudgeit Your posts seem more and more about using the OP and her husband as a stepping stone to shout at what you perceive as the FWR bloc, than actually sticking up for either of them against discourtesy.

There were a few posts earlier on in this thread that gave me an icky feeling because I thought they were totally shitty and transphobic. Your posts are now into same icky zone.

People live their lives like this, get over it. It doesn't personally affect you. Except when it does, obviously!

Changing gender markers, @JaJaDingDong is changing gender on passport etc, as sex can't be changed. I think it may have been OP that posted... its a gender recognition cert, cos you can change that, you can't change your sex!

You mean you have no counter-argument?

No. I mean that you're fully aware of what the arguments are.

I say what I mean. And I mean what I fucking well say!

Can everyone get their small minds around the fact this thread is not a debate thread about your opinions on gender/trans/sex or anything else!!
I ignore those kind of threads because quite frankly they are BORING.

It's a thread about OP's relationship and her and her DH own personal life that some of us are genuinely interested in learning more about.

Please let's all just ignore the trolls or the threads that just feature people's opinion 🙄

Can everyone get their small minds around the fact this thread is not a debate thread about your opinions on gender/trans/sex or anything else!!
I ignore those kind of threads because quite frankly they are BORING.

Feel free not to read more of this one then.

Like many AMAs it has raised a lot of questions and debate. Some posters have never thought about some of those questions before. That's what an AMA thread is for!

Stop trying to police a thread because of your own perceptions.

Please let's all just ignore ... the threads that just feature people's opinion You do realoise that will close MN down

I thought the movement on FWR was that no child has a gender lol. So Lego for the girl who wants Barbie dolls and a pink pram for the boy who wants a digger? Isn't that what gender neutral is all about? You don't recognise gender/sex differences? So what fucking difference does it make if someone changes sex?

Can you explicate what you mean when you use the term 'sex' and what you mean when you use the term 'gender'? That context might make your posts clearer, because you seemingly use them interchangeably and appear to understand them to mean the same thing.

Changing gender markers, @JaJaDingDong is changing gender on passport etc, as sex can't be changed. I think it may have been OP that posted... its a gender recognition cert, cos you can change that, you can't change your sex!

But NHS and other forms increasingly ask for gender not sex - is there then a risk that something like cervical cancer may get missed if gender and not sex is recorded?

I wonder if the OP's partner was asked what sex they are in, say, a medical situation, rather than their gender, how they would respond.

Now for the important questions.

1. Did he get to design his penis? As in length and girth?
2. Could the pump thing prevent him opting for a king dong sized wanger and had to go for a more sensible 5-6 inches?
3. Since taking testosterone, does he now have a hairy ass crack?
4. Did any maternal instincts kick in for him when you had your baby?

ohfudgeit Well what have you 'fuccking well' said? that makes sense You already quoted the thought that you already know the issues with using cis, which seems to be true as you're ignoring everyone else who has answered your question on that.

IHeartSusanDey are you giving yourself a wee pat on the back there? Congratulating yourself on redefining a complete strangers relationship and sexual preferences? Hope your world is a better place for sharing your wisdom even though its AMA and not Tell Me What You Think About My Sexuality

I have no idea what you're talking about, sorry.

@IHeartSusanDey

You're not heterosexual OP. You are in a same sex relationship so that makes you either gay or bisexual.

This is very rude.

Let us consider practicalities. We use words to communicate concepts. If the OP has previously been exclusively attracted to natal men and was attracted to her husband on the basis of his male appearance and has never been attracted to any other woman, then how can terming her a lesbian communicate anything useful?

Further, the idea that previous sexual experiences define what your sexuality is leads to some very, very dodgy ideas. And by dodgy, I mean homophobic. A lesbian woman who marries a man because she comes from a very conservative culture doesn't get made heterosexual.

@StonersPotPalace

Feminism chat is leaking all over this thread.

People live their lives like this, get over it. It doesn't personally affect you.

It does when single sex spaces are being eroded.

IHeartSusanDey to put it bluntly - you're being bloody rude. The op invited questions, which she has very graciously answered to help people understand. She didn't invite rude keyboard warriors to redefine her relationship with her husband.