Im becoming a surrogate, AMA

[HotPotatoBlessMySoul]

Just had first transfer in hopes of becoming a surrogate for a friend.
Ask away.

They must have explained why they would rather risk you to have a non bio baby than adopt surely?

🙄

@Quaffy do you ask that question to everyone expecting a baby?

I think you are amazing

What happens if the baby is born prematurely or has disabilities will they still take the baby ?

My question was going to be similar.

Yes. They will. It’s on the contract.

I thought surrogacy contracts weren't enforceable by law in the UK?

I admire you op.

Did you have any reservations?
If you have a partner what do they think?

I thought paid surrogacy was illegal in the UK?

OP I thought we couldn’t pay surrogates here, sorry, misunderstood

I don’t know why you are eye rolling at adoption.

Will you see much of the baby as they grow up?
Yes.

• Will you feel you should have some say in their upbringing eg do you think you will feel like intervening if you see they parent differently from you?

Nope. -How can you put your body through the strain and pain of pregnancy and childbirth knowing you won't have a baby at the end? Because I know I’m fine having babies for me and baby will bring joy to others. Might be a relief and easier to recover if I’ve no newborn. Imagine the sleep. -Do you think it will change your relationship with your friends? Probably but hopefully for the best in the long run. -What does your husband think about it? He went through the counselling process with me and alone to be sure. He has he worries but over all is fine with it or if not be doing it.

would you have done it without pay?
Yes, however I wouldn’t pay for the drugs needed nor the petrol or time from work etc.
He insisted.

I assume the pay you are getting is only to cover your provable expenses, OP, as it’s illegal to take any further pay in the U.K.

Do they just want you to carry one child, or do you think they’d ask you again if this is successful? How would you feel about that?

What will you do if they change their mind?

If the baby asks you when it's older why you gave them away, what will you say?

@LochJessMonster this is a thread called “I’m becoming a surrogate AMA”. The “AMA” stands for ask me anything.

As someone with a birth injury which I find distressing, I feel it was worth it as I couldn’t be without my child. I am curious about how a surrogate would feel to be left with an injury bearing a child that wasn’t their own.

Some of the questions on this thread about “selling babies” etc have been rude; mine wasn’t. It is perfectly legitimate to want to know how a surrogate feels about the risk to her body.

Did they pay for you to have time with a lawyer and a counsellor on your own to talk through the issues for you as the surrogate, before you tried to get pregnant?

Do you feel more or less anxious about pregnancy and the health of the baby (eg premature birth) knowing that the baby isn’t yours?

Hmmm both. It’s not mine so (harshly) not my problem after baby’s out. But I will be doing everything I can to be health as it a job too.
I say a job, before anyone jumps on me, loosely because it help me personally Compartmentalise certain aspects of this. Some times thinking ‘I’m doing this because of my love for my friends helps me. Sometimes this is a job helps me.
I’ll do whatever helps me come out the other end well.

Same question as others is the pay only expenses or can they pay you more as a gift or something?

Also are you worried you’ll feel attachment to the baby after 9 months when he/ she is born?

I can't believe someone asking a mother of two very young children, to be a surrogate, such a selfish thing to do.

You say you've got therapy in place after the birth, I'd suggest you have some therapy now, before you get pregnant.

I did, think you. It’s quite intense to make sure you can handle it.

If childbirth leaves you significantly disabled for life will you resent your friends for asking you to take that risk for them? Will you still be able to smile sweetly and coo over their child?

Do you think it's right that you're going to be raising your own children to believe that humans are 'gifts' to be given? And to believe that women are walking incubators for others to use as they wish?

Do you believe that everyone has a right to have children?

Also- if you are injured or ill as a result of this will they replace your lost income for the rest of your life?

Nothing to ask, I think it’s a lovely thing to do.

Thank you. I sure it’s going to be A very loved baby.

Will you be ok, giving baby over?

What if they make parenting mistakes? I would find that tough.

What if they split up or one partner has affair? What if the remaining single dad loses his job? These things happen it's not extreme.

One last one: do you think the baby will miss out on something by leaving you directly after he / she is born?

Will the baby have no mother on the birth certificate?

What sort of response have you had from your friends/families/husband?

My family are supportive. And lovely they’ve know Uncle Mitchell a long time too.
Husband is very short I’ve too
I’ve a good support neywork in place. I’m lucky.

Not a question for you but I think you are extremely brave and it's a wonderful thing to do for your friends. I wish you the very best pregnancy, that baby is born healthy and well and that you should be immensely proud!

All the best 💖