Im becoming a surrogate, AMA

[HotPotatoBlessMySoul]

Just had first transfer in hopes of becoming a surrogate for a friend.
Ask away.

What country are you based in?

Do you plan to breastfeed or will the couple take the baby as soon as its born away from you?

Are you concerned for the potential baby and it’s grief and trauma at separation from you?
Are your friends seeking education on caring for a potentially traumatised baby in the early days?
Will you express milk for the baby?

Death in labour can occur whether the baby is for you, or for someone else.

Yes, but having a baby as a transaction or as a favour is a pretty different situation to adding to your own family. It’s not just death. Many women are left with health problems after pregnancy.

Will they compensate you if you’re left with complications?

They must have explained why they would rather risk you to have a non bio baby than adopt surely?

-Will you see much of the baby as they grow up?

• Will you feel you should have some say in their upbringing eg do you think you will feel like intervening if you see they parent differently from you? -How can you put your body through the strain and pain of pregnancy and childbirth knowing you won't have a baby at the end? -Do you think it will change your relationship with your friends? -What does your husband think about it?

The reasons there is a lot of disquiet around surrogacy are not remotely strange @LochJessMonster

Do you feel more or less anxious about pregnancy and the health of the baby (eg premature birth) knowing that the baby isn’t yours?

I can't believe someone asking a mother of two very young children, to be a surrogate, such a selfish thing to do.

You say you've got therapy in place after the birth, I'd suggest you have some therapy now, before you get pregnant.

Will you be a part of the baby’s life? Presumably as a friend’s child you will see them? Will they be told you gave birth to them? Will you be treated as/referred to any differently to any other friend of the couple?

He’s god father to my daughter. We are to be god parents to this child.
It’s up to them what they tell the child. But they’ve said no reason not to tell it the truth.

What happens to the baby if both dads, for example, die in a car accident before delivery

Oooo interesting. I’ll ask them.
But if I found out my son had a baby and he died before it was born I’d claim it in a heartbeat.

Nothing to ask, I think it’s a lovely thing to do.

Thanks for answering my question.

Like a pp, I'm also wondering why they went for surrogacy instead of adoption, if you happen to know. I'm aware some couples in the UK say the adoption rules have become too hard to navigate, but clearly you're not in the UK.

I think it’s about having a child related to you.
We are in the uk.

What sort of response have you had from your friends/families/husband?

" if I found out my son had a baby and he died before it was born I’d claim it in a heartbeat"

I know when you're selling one you have to distance yourself, but babies aren't property to be "claimed".

Bless you OP. MN seems be to strangely against surrogacy but there is a big difference between what you are doing and those who are forced into it with no contract/support etc.

Giving a baby to those who are unable is a huge gift. Having seen friends go through infertility and being so desperate for a baby they cannot have, I think surrogacy is amazing.

I’ve noticed it’s hated on here, and I hoped this may help anyone thinking of it.
I love the idea of helping my friends. My children are a joy to me (most of the time 😆) Id love them to experience it too.

Did you feel under pressure to say yes because they asked?

You said you would never have offered, so when they asked did you feel you really couldn’t say no?

No pressure. Ive even had time to have my second and bf him till he was two.
I could have changed my mind any time in the three years.

Hi OP, are you concerned you might be left with a lifelong birth injury, such as a torn pelvic floor, prolapse, OASI or nerve damage? If this does happen (which isn’t rare) will you think it was worth it?

Do you plan to breastfeed or will the couple take the baby as soon as its born away from you?

No bf. For my own sanity the baby will go straight to one of its fathers.
I will not touch it until I’m happy in my own space be it 10 mins or

10 months
After it’s out it’s all about me for me and they deal with baby.

What country are you based in?

UK

Do you plan to breastfeed or will the couple take the baby as soon as its born away from you?

Nope.
And it’s my wish they take baby instantly.

Sounds quite difficult to work out if its great or not!

I dont think I could do it!

How have you separated emotionally from the process?

I cant imagine how it will be for you going home with post baby body full of hormones and no baby! Incredible thing to do actually!

Are you concerned for the potential baby and it’s grief and trauma at separation from you?
No. Baby is going to a loving home.
No concerns.
Are your friends seeking education on caring for a potentially traumatised baby in the early days?
Provided by the fertility clinic.

Will you express milk for the baby?
No b

Death in labour can occur whether the baby is for you, or for someone else.

Yes, but having a baby as a transaction or as a favour is a pretty different situation to adding to your own family. It’s not just death. Many women are left with health problems after pregnancy.

Will they compensate you if you’re left with complications?
Yes. I’m getting a very good insurance policy.

So the baby won’t get colostrum ?