Im becoming a surrogate, AMA

[HotPotatoBlessMySoul]

Just had first transfer in hopes of becoming a surrogate for a friend.
Ask away.

Some of the things you're saying indicate you're using coping mechanisms as you're going through this. This seems so sad, sorry.

Colostrum qu is ridiculous! What about all the women who bottle feed??
As the parent of an adopted child and I say this in the nicest way i can see why they would use surrogacy. Adoption is very rarely from birth and generally from some kind of toxic background.
Op you're doing an amazing thing. Wishing you all all the best

OP, would you have gone ahead if your DC had objected? I realise they’re not old enough, of course, just wondered if you would.

I think it’s a great thing. I would do this for either one of my sisters if they were struggling to conceive

In event of anything awful happening in labour and it’s me or the baby, is agreed my life is to be paramount

The fact that this had to be said or agreed upon is troubling

It’s their choice to terminate if they aren’t happy with any of the Down’s syndrome etc testing.

So you are giving up the right to basic decisions about your own body.. they can make you have an abortion?

can they pay you more as a gift or something?

this would actually be illegal and would be likely to be picked up by the court in the process of making a parental order - it would be obvious if there were any material changes or deposits in bank account etc. and all finances and payments are quite heavily scrutinised by the reporter appointed by the court.

" if I found out my son had a baby and he died before it was born I’d claim it in a heartbeat"

I know when you're selling one you have to distance yourself, but babies aren't property to be "claimed".

Ha. The think that’s always amused me on mumsnet is how everyone takes things.
By claim I clearly mean that child would have a home with me for lode. I’d love it because it was my sons. As I’m sure many grandparents have done when they’ve lost a chil with children.

Will the baby have no mother on the birth certificate?

Not possible. Birth mother will be recorded.

Also you say you will see the child regularly. What if the couple fall out with you? What if they move to australia?

This does not mean to sound negative in any way!
I hope you have an easy pregnancy and baby is healthy.

My question is, when you take the pregnancy test, will you feel impartial to the result. It seems you haven't put too much emotion into this and are very 'business' like. (Please take that the way it is intended...not a criticism at all)
If test is negative will you have any emotion, how would you deal with that when the father's will be disappointed and possibly sad?

If you do get pregnant, and you for some reason regret immediately are you able to abort baby? (Nobody gets pregnant to abort, I understand this) but in reality nobody knows how they will 100% feel until the time comes.

OP - I love your compassion, generosity and concise and clear epxression

Hi OP, are you concerned you might be left with a lifelong birth injury, such as a torn pelvic floor, prolapse, OASI or nerve damage? If this does happen (which isn’t rare) will you think it was worth it?

Of course, my husband and I have talked about it. And it’s a concern but you can’t go through life not doing things just incase something bad may happen.

Will you be a part of the baby’s life? Presumably as a friend’s child you will see them? Will they be told you gave birth to them? Will you be treated as/referred to any differently to any other friend of the couple?

He’s god father to my daughter. We are to be god parents to this child.
It’s up to them what they tell the child. But they’ve said no reason not to tell it the truth.

That is lovely

Birth mother will be recorded.

The initial registration will record OP and her husband as birth parents. Cameron and Mitchell would have to apply to court for a parental order to assume legal parental responsibility. The process would be scrutinised then, with both OP and prospective new parents providing statements and information to the court and a court appointed reporter who will also interview them both.

To add, OP’s husband will also be interviewed and would have to consent, but from what she’s said it seems he will.

Out of interest, what would you do, OP, if your husband later withdrew his consent?

The initial registration will record OP and her husband as birth parents.

Sounds quite difficult to work out if its great or not!

I dont think I could do it!

How have you separated emotionally from the process?

I cant imagine how it will be for you going home with post baby body full of hormones and no baby! Incredible thing to do actually!

In previous two pregnancies I’ve not got attached to the baby until that first look and cuddle. I see no reason for this to be different. So that helps. I think of some bits as “part of the job” and others thinking “this is for my friends.” Either one gets me though. I’m good at separating and
Compartmentalisation. Luckily or I’d have not said yes.

The initial registration will record OP and her husband as birth parents.

Is that true? Why would her husband need to be recorded as the father when he's medically not involved in any way?

Is that true? Why would her husband need to be recorded as the father when he's medically not involved in any way?

Yes it’s true, as they are married the baby would be considered a child of the marriage at birth.

So the baby won’t get colostrum ?

No. And that’s fine, isn’t it because plenty of parents choose not to bf at all and those baby’s are fine.

How long does the parental order process take?

So there is a period of time where you are the parents but the baby is with your friends

Is it processed before registering the name usually?

I think you are amazing
Thank you.

Just to clarify, the sperm is from a donor and not from either of the intended fathers? So they will not be genetically related to the baby at all?
Did they explain why they wanted to go the surrogacy route and not the adoption route?
Did you not feel the need to ask?

I thought the whole point of surrogacy was to allow at least one of the intended parents to have a genetic link with the child, I have recently learned that it's not necessarily the case, and I am curious about why people choose surrogacy over adoption - it seems crazy to me.

Do you ever think about what life would be like for your husband and children in the unlikely event that you die or are severely disabled as a result of complications in pregnancy or childbirth?

Did you see the recent consultation on proposed changes to surrogacy law and if so do you have an opinion on it?

“ Yes it’s true, as they are married the baby would be considered a child of the marriage at birth.”

Wait, wut? If you know the baby isn’t yours, the name doesn’t go on the certificate, surely?

How long does the parental order process take?

You can’t apply to court until six weeks post-birth, and the process after that would take at least three months before the order could be made, in my experience. So the baby would be registered prior to the parental order being made, and yes the baby would be with their new parents but the surrogate and husband would be the legal parents during this time.