Im becoming a surrogate, AMA

[HotPotatoBlessMySoul]

Just had first transfer in hopes of becoming a surrogate for a friend.
Ask away.

*doesnt

Even with an insurance payout I'd be beyond annoyed if I was left with life-limiting condition post-both for a child that I didn't consider my own.

I would also wonder how my partner would feel and how the children would be affected if the condition caused issues within the family. (Like being incontinent and needing to stay close to home, or close to a loo, needing to take a change of clothes everywhere, not being able to go swimming etc).

*post-birth

Something from the archives to reflect upon how the friendship with the surrogate mother broke down very soon after the birth, and also to compare to where this family are now

www.britishsurrogacycentre.com/2017/09/gay-dads-documentary-early-2000s/

And now

metro.co.uk/2019/11/18/britains-first-gay-dads-barrie-tony-drewitt-barlow-split-one-falls-love-scott-hutchison-11173321/

Will the dads be present at delivery?

I find this debate fascinating! Someone being a surrogate doesn't consider the baby to be theirs, in your case because there is no genetic link. Yet I'm pregnant with a donor egg and absolutely consider myself to be the mother.

Both views are right in my view as it's up to every individual to determine what motherhood means to them. For what it's worth, my sister was a surrogate for a couple 20+ years ago, twice. In both cases it was genetically her baby and she stayed in touch and the kids know she carried them.

Good luck, you're doing a beautiful thing.

Both views are right in my view as it's up to every individual to determine what motherhood means to them.

But not the actual child, right? They just have to suck it up and take whoever has decided to own them and ignore those people who disregarded them in their product process.

Depends on your view of life I guess. For me, family is who raises you, not who makes you.

Who do you consider to be the child's mother? Who do you think the child will consider to be its mother? Do you think the child will suffer from being deprived of a relationship with its mother?

Is that for me, Printempts? Isn't the point, in collecting an egg from one woman, implanting it into another woman and the offering it up via contact to another, that the kid couldn't possibly lay claim to any one as their mother and therein lies the rub.

You might decide that genetic material tips the balance, or that growing the child in utero tips the balance, or that being the person raising the kid tips the balance, but that has no bearing on how that child considers that situation, or how they build their identity.

The point is, the adults set the terms and the product has to make do with their narrative.

It’s their choice to terminate if they aren’t happy with any of the Down’s syndrome etc testing.

Why do you not view it as an issue that you could literally be forced to have an abortion

Did you fall pregnant?

What’s your work’s maternity leave policy.

Not as a dig at you (and you may not work), but just wondering what a firm’s responsibilities are for mat leave etc when you have in fact taken on this pregnancy as another job.

Baby is a few weeks old now.
IPs are so happy.
Labour went really well.
No complications.
I’m doing well.

Congrats OP!

Just wanted to say that I think what you did is absolutely lovely and I like to think that if I was considering being a surrogate, that I would approach it in a similar way to you.

What a lovely update.

@hotpotatoBlessMySoul

Can I ask if there were any parts of the pregnancy, labour or time after that you found difficult?

Or perhaps bits of the surrogacy you were worried about but didn't end up being an issue after all?

Hmmm

It was a tough pregnancy. I don’t regret it now but at time it was bloody hard.
Covid did not help the situation at all! I was a miserable grumpy pregnant lady. I hate being pregnant.

Labour no real issue. The hospital were brilliant.

But it was worth it.