I'm Barry, AMA

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Hi there girls (or should I say ladies, I know how 'PC' you lot are).

I hear you have some questions for me? Well go ahead, I won't bite - unless you want me to, of course

Link here

He is busy . Someone like Barry has many demands on his time. He likes to give.
He likes to write the songs that make the whole world sing .

Barry, cardigan or pullover?

He likes to write the songs that make the whole world sing

And his home lies deep within me.

Which, now I think about it, is a little bit disquieting.

[A quick aside from me too. A massive apology for potentially derailing a brilliant thread. Particular apologies to @EmpressLesbianInChair I will PM you a more personal apology, but don't want to dereail this thread further; and many thanks to @MNHQ for deleting my post.
Now back to the fun]

Barry, why do birds suddenly appear?

Now girls, if you're going to fight, at least have the decency to get the baby oil out

What inspired my username - there is actually no record of Jesus's occupation prior to the age of 33, but the Dead Sea scrolls tell us that he spent some time delivering groceries door to door. 'Van' in those days meant a flat piece of wood, as there were no wheels. This is alluded to in a MN classics thread, here.

poooopy Mrs Barry doesn't need a new ironing board, the extravagance would cause her great disquiet! She's still working her way through the family size bar of Dairy Milk I bought her two Christmases ago.

Freda excellent question! If you've read as many medieval monastic texts as I have, you'll know that in those days, the English language was awash with adjectival gerundives. However, King Henry VIII banned the use of them on the basis that he didn't know what they were and the King should be omniscient, ergo the use of the adjectival gerundive was effectively treason. Within a very short time, everyone who knew about them was beheaded, including three of his wives.

PS in certain parts of the country, it's still a capital offence, so be careful!

Midweek AHA, the Queen Worm! And I'm sure you'll have spotted the error in that article. Which is? Exactly. Lived. The fact is that Bronze Age Britons did not have access to modern day medicine, so over time, these Queen Worms became inextricably entwined with our digestive tracts, and are now effectively part of us. We still have them! If you want to be rid of your worm, ask your husband to blow cigar smoke up your 'tradesman's entrance'. The Queen, being unable to breathe, will pop her head out for air and you can then wind her round a stick. I wouldn't recommend it though, because we're dependent on them and you'll find that you're unable to digest anything other than finely chopped grass and certain basic insects.

Now girls, if you're going to fight, at least have the decency to get the baby oil out

Oh. Disheartened now.

I haven't got any any baby oil to hand, but I'd just blown up the paddling pool and filled it with jelly (lime flavour).

Not good enough?

Red word to the wise. Long game mate, long game

BARRY!!!!

You're back ❤❤❤❤

Barry your remarks on Henry VIII bring our current Prime Minister to mind. Should we be worried? Is treason still an offence? Or did it go out with Theresa May, as it sounds similar? I’m confused.

toria she is, she absolutely is! To keep your marriage fresh and alive, you need to let him know how much you appreciate him. Dinner on the table as soon as he gets in the door, pour him his preferred drink, fetch his slippers and maybe perch yourself coquettishly on his lap while he tells you about his day. There's plenty more, of course, but give that a try and you'll see a difference soon enough!

Barry, why put off until tomorrow when you can be knee-deep in it today!

Green now the fact that you said it makes me think you want it Honestly though, if you're anything like Mrs Barry, you've left them in the ignition love.

Anne here is the method I taught Alan Ducasse:

Bury egg in salted clay for 3 days minimum, to tenderise the shell and bring the yolk and white into equilibrium.
Gently dig out egg and wash clean in milk.
Allow to air dry.
Shake egg gently for 1 hour so that it is not shocked when you put it in the water.
Heat equal parts of Evian (sparkling), dry white wine and vanilla essence.
Add a marrow bone to replace any calcium that has leached out of the shell during storage and transportation.
Cook at 79 degrees for as long as it takes to sing Happy Birthday To You, 90 times in a row.
On the final note of 'You', lift the egg gently from the water and nestle in straw.
Allow to stand for 30 seconds, then remove the top with an egg knife and present to your husband!

TDogs I am certainly not that Barry, but Mrs Barry swears by Cillit Bang, so I guess there must be some of that old Barry magic going on! The name is an exact auditory representation of the noise it makes when a crate of it falls off the back of a lorry. In Communist Russia, black market Cillit Bang was a valuable form of currency for many years, as it was the only thing that could shift Borscht stains.

LaMarschallin now YOU imagine ME rubbing my muscular, flannelette-clad thighs vigorously There's an image to keep you toasty during the cold winter nights.

As for trousers, nothing beats smart gym wear when you're dressing to impress. Lets the ladies know you're not afraid to get hot and sweaty! Bright colours such as red and electric blue are good, as women are creatures of instinct and intuition, and are naturally drawn to bright plumage. Hence why you asked! Little bit of psychology for you there.

LaMarschallinnow YOU imagine ME rubbing my muscular, flannelette-clad thighs vigorouslyThere's an image to keep you toasty during the cold winter nights.

Ooooooh......

I mean er... ummm...

OOOOHHHHH....!

Count observant girl! But no. Armadillos are an evolutionary offshoot of the flying dinosaurs we discussed earlier. Woodlice are actually friendly bacteria from the prehistoric era. They needed to be large because all dinosaurs are large, and they evolved armour to avoid being crushed in the dinosaurs' leathery skin folds. Unfortunately they haven't evolved much since then, and are still looking for dinosaurs to assimilate with. The proof? Next time you see one bimbling aimlessly across your living room floor, show it something green and leathery (if you haven't got something, buy it) and make a low, grumbling, booming noise. If your husband asks what on earth you're doing, don't answer - he'll return to his perfect boiled egg in no time and you can explain later. The woodlice will then climb gratefully aboard!

So you're Barry. Nice to meet you at last.
My sister's fortune teller told her that you were going to change my life.

How are you going to do that?

@MichaelMumsnet Interesting name for a lady, I hope you're not one of those tiresome girls who pretends to like pints and football, are you? A tip - us men much prefer it when you drop the act and show us your lovely, silly, girly true selves. What was your question for me, love?